I need to learn how to get a life
 

I have always lived "behind the scenes" and "off of the grid" and I don't know how to have a job or interact with regular people. . . Lived life at night asleep all day .. I call normal people "white people" but I'm white as hell, myself.

So where can I learn how to fit into society a little better? I mean no one ever really taught me- I left school when I was twelve. Kind of raised myself up and hustled this and that the whole way. I have a white vocabulary and am well spoken if I can remember how to be presentable.

Back in the day I was a money maker and I know that I still can be.... but it is as if I don't want to have money. I just recently had a couple grand I was going to buy a Fleetwood with but I just didn't "give a fuck" and spent two weeks up and down at the poker rooms (Being on medication now- adderall- didn't mix too well with the alcohol and chain smoking and chain vaping and gallons of coffee.. I didn't take over my prescribed dose of addies or anything though)

To be fair though I don't think that would have happened if what's her name didn't get sick and go insane again and run away. I don't get close to ANYONE but when I do I'm fiercely loyal and they matter more to me than me. And that is also my excuse for not doing shit- always fixing and enabling everyone else so I don't have to face my shit, I think.... That happens- right?

Sigh

Well I don't know anyone or get close to people so I thought I'd get on here and think out loud a little. Plus you assholes are more intelligent than I thought you were (remember my thread where several of you confused me to death) and I know you'll hit me right between my eyes.

Hello and welcome back.

Eat better, exercise, go out in the sun. <-- A good first start.

I really think exercise is the key to a lot of things.. trying to eat better for sure, definitely eating less (due to the adderall) which is healthy for me. . I am addicted to triscuits and I think they may actually be good for me

:1orglaugh:1orglaugh:1orglaugh

I mean you should have seen me before. I am a little man but I would eat a two pound steak or six hamburgers plus some fries or some shit like that or a dozen and a half eggs or a box of cereal.. have good metabolism but still that's rough on the body right?? Especially that much meat

I think eggs are damned good for me though

The meat ain't so bad if not for all of the hormones they put into the animals

Laugh all you want .. at least I haven't worked for the man all of my life for nothing and I'm not programmed by schools and I have been sensible enough not to have any illegitimate children and I am not a drug addict except for alcohol

That is more than 99% of anyone where I come out of can say

Yeah I know you hate me and wanna kill me whatever else
Laugh all you want I hope you enjoy yourself kid
It don't bothe me

You sound like me when I am on a downer - Its spooky how similar....

Travel works for me - When you arrive in a new place you can be who you want to be.

Well it's funny you say that because I really don't feel down or sad... I was for some time after she left.. crazy bitch left without even saying good bye and some other crazy shit.. . . but I really I'm okay I've learned to be thankful for my family except for most of them

I was kind of in shock and depressed for about a day when I lost the last of my bankroll... had the oh my god what the fuck did you do moment.. but I'm alright it's only money and this time it's bigger

The rest of my life has to be different
Almost glad I lost the rest of that dough really

and you wonder why you are an outcast and derelict part of society.

go to school and get a job. do both at the same time for 2 years. complete school and don't fuck up your job. there you go.

so true. find a sport you like and get on a team. or if you like music join a group. just trying to help.

I don't know that I was that badly shunned. Anyone I ever dealt with I dealt square and straight. Never fucked anyone. Yeah, I caused some bad things but only when I got fucked. You know you have to.

School I'll never go back to a school. I took some real estate classes. Would not mind some business and marketing classes.

Thanks.. I played some soccer (footbol or whatever it is called) in grade school.. . but I only have 1/2 of a good kidney and the doctors banned me from "contact sports"..... All I really did was try to kick the ball and hit everyone. But I ran around a lot. Been pretty sedentary since. I was making good money in early teens and my recreation was pusing a lawn mower around the town and cutting grass for free. Use to ride a bicycle.

you are lazy and think you are smarter than you are. you don't have any skills beyond simple low level street hustles.

guess what. being a productive member of society means sometimes working hard and sometimes doing things you don't want to do. unless you accept that you will never move beyond what you are.

plant a tree.

Learn how to start a livejournal while you're at it.

You don't know what the fuck you are - Thats gonna be the first thing you need to decide.

OK - You want health, wealth and happiness - You just need to work out what sort of person you are and how that is going to help you acheive it....

You might be a playa, a hard worker or a biz wiz - What are you and how can you use that to get the HWandH?

I don't mean this as a joke or an insult and I know that I am going to get flamed for suggesting this, but after having read some of your posts in the past, I would suggest that you look into the fellowship of AA. :2 cents:

Oh, I forgot to mention...
http://www.meetup.com/

Find some stuff on there that you're interested in. You could meet some like-minded folk.

That is an awesome site - 2 clicks in and I had my perfect group - http://www.meetup.com/Data-Science-London/

I am booking in now.....

:thumbsup

Depressed people are boring

Yeah man... Lots of fun stuff to do, or just groups of colleagues in your field.

Maybe you have Asperger syndrome?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asperger_syndrome

Well. I am surrounded by morons often. I get to believing that I am more than I am, probably. I've never been a drain on society - ever - but in terms of being productive, I suppose that I haven't. If helping people and solving problems counts, I have.

working hard doing shit I don't want to do .... Yes, THAT.. not easy for me to have a boss.. In any interpersonal relationships I have ALWAYS been the dominant one. Always.

BUT the big thing is. To make the money I ain't even got to do things I don't want to. I ENJOYED working hard at things I use to do business wise.

Never identified as a "playa" ... A business genius I always fancied myself as being that.. I know that I am a good person who cares about people.. on another side I loathe just about everyone for being what they are. I don't know. This is a good point that you have.

Still not sure if it is a cult or badly needed. I went once, it was really very good for me. I will probably go back.

Looks like an interesting site- thanks!

I appreciate you talking some productive talk and not just pure shit for once. That is good work, :thumbsup