There are just over 14 days left until the end of the world. It is not too late for you. ACT NOW!
 

So, in 2 weeks it all comes down. Armagedden, the Apocalypse, The Horsemen, Revelations, etal.

If you are not prepared to spend eternity in Heaven then you will surely be condemned to Hell. YES HELL. H..E..Double Tooth Picks...HELL. Fire, Brimstone, Pain, Eternal Horror and Damnation.

BUT it does not have to be that way. Nay I say, Nay, you can get into Heaven if you want but there are certain things you must do first.

First, you need to accept Jesus Christ as your one and only saviour. As I understand it, that is probably the most imporrtant piece of this thing. You not only have to say that you accept him, you must actually BELIEVE that he will indeed save you from the eternal damnation that awaits you.

Secondly, You must be POOR. You can't have any money or eartly possessions, no cars, no houses, no bicycles, no ipads, nothing. Jesus said himself: "it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God" (Matthew 19:24).

This is where I come in. I can help save you.

I am going to Hell. I know it, everyone that knows me knows it, Jesus knows it and God knows it. Satan has my room all ready and there is a welcoming feast scheduled for the evening of December 21, all just for me. There is no hope for me. Jesus would laugh at any entreaties that I offered him. I am resigned to this fact and have accepted it totally.

So, since I already have my reservations for eternal damnation, there is no reason for both of us to suffer. You need to get rid of all your earthly possessions. Nobody else wants them because they will hinder their journey to tranquility. So, what can you do?

You can send them to me. I am going to Hell anyway and whether I go with what I have or with a few billion more does not matter. The amount of wealth I have does not change my fate in the least but it can greatly affect your fate. So, what you NEED to do RIGHT NOW, THIS VERY MINUTE, is to send everything you have to my paypal at [email protected].

DO NOT WAIT !!

JESUS IS WATCHING EVERY THING YOU DO (Yeah, he is kind of like Santa Claus in a non-merry way) AND IF HE SEES YOU HESITATE THEN HE WILL KNOW THAT YOU HAVE DOUBTS. YOU MUST NOT DOUBT, YOU MUST BELIEVE!!

So, get up off of your ass NOW. Move everything you have into your paypal and send it to me today !!!!


You wil be rewarded!



I promise.




Guaranfuckingteed. :thumbsup



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Please, lets just stop the threads about this non existing event.

Dude, do you mind? I'm fucking working here dammit.

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how can i send my gold into paypal?

also i own cat how can I transfer?

Once it starts, IF it starts, and the world begins crashing down around us, pretty much everyone will instantly start doing as you say. "There are no athiests in foxholes".

Thus, sadly, your thread here is irrelevant.


But just to be safe, on the eve of this so-called destruction I'm planning to buy me a $1500 a night hooker and crack open that $800 bottle of wine I've been saving.



@Frank --- Get used to it, because I'll wager that over the next 2 weeks, maybe three if there's no "end", these threads are, like election threads, going to become more and more frequent as the day draws near.


Now I'm off to buy canned food, and three dozen boxes of ammo, in case I have the misfortune to be one of the few survivors of the apocalypse.

You can mail the gold and the cat to me. Make sure to punch some holes in the box please, I hate dealing with dead cats. Also if you are outside the U.S. make it a big box and put some food in there so the cat lives but doesn't have to be sitting in it's own shit and all that. I hate messes.

Hope that helps :thumbsup


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Seedy, Ooops, I mean CD (I hate when I do that). There is a little known clause in Revelations called appropriately the "10 day clause".

If you have not accepted Christ by the point of 10 days before the judgement day then you are SOL (yes it actually says SOL in revelations, look it up if you don't believe me) So, what you do on the last night does not count in any way.

So, make sure to take action immediately if you want to avoid eternal damnation :thumbsup

May Frog bless you.

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Can I just use my transporter to send you my gold-pressed latinum?

http://www.kingego.com/shop/images/S...-1390-1680.jpg

CLEO !!!!! Wow! How you doing darling?

Yes, you can use the transporter, just give me a heads up so I can restock the plutonium module on my end.



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Fuck you!

BRETHREN!

Do NOT listen to this SINNER!

(Can I have an "Amen!"?

Send the money to me; ADULTPORNMASTA because before the Arrival of The Last Days and Even The LAST MOMENT, I will spend that money to heal the sick, feed the hungry and bring the SINNERS to the LORD!

BE NOT DECIEVED BY FALSE PROPHETS!

I will handle SERPENTS and be SAFE IN THE ARMS OF THE LORD!

http://i51.photobucket.com/albums/f3...in/162905a.jpg

Yea and verily I say unto to you!

SEND ME THE FUCKING MONEY!

In the name of Jesus Christ, this I do affirm!

http://i725.photobucket.com/albums/w...nap-136565.png

I also might buy a Rolls-Royce or two which would be dedicated to the service of THE LORD!

:winkwink:

This message is hidden because Marion, er I mean Sydney, um no that's Sidney is on your ignore list.


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Are you mass mailing this?

Nice try

"There are just over 14 days left until the end of the world. It is not too late for you. ACT NOW!"

I can't act. Am I fucked?

I can sing and dance a little if that helps. :)

Can you play the radio ?:Oh crap

If world ends on 21.12.2012 that would be a shit

Nope, but I can play the piano.

I can even tune a piano.

But you can't tuna fish :)

How old are you ??

Jesus don't care about any of us anymore, neither Allah does, neither Buddah, took me 30 years of my life to realize we don't give a shit to the Gods

That's a good offer, but mine's a bit better.

Everything Sarettah offered PLUS my fabulous ebook: Top 10 Secrets For Cutting to the Front of the Line on Judgment Day.

These incredibly powerful techniques come straight from God's Head Bouncer, St. Peter. But hurry! There are only 666,666 copies of this groundbreaking ebook left! Act Now!

i prefer hell anytime over those religious wackos

:1orglaugh:1orglaugh:thumbsup

So what do we get if we send you all our cash?

Eternal salvation and your rightful place in Heaven :thumbsup

Now, let's see you put a price on that.

I see that frigging DTK is in here trying to sell his lousy ebook.

It's a phoney. It is a set up. A sting by St. Peter to check for your worthiness. If you grab an E-book on how to cut in line then you are obviously not qualified to get in.

Do not be fooled by the false prophets and charlatans, they are everywhere. Only I, Sarettah (and the Church of Sarettah LLC) have the power or authority to save you.

So, get that money to me and guarantee your seat alongside your saviour TODAY!!!!!


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Nice try Sarettah...but look at what people are saying about this incredible ebook.

"At first i was skeptical, but i decided to give it a try. With the techniques i learned from DTK's amazing ebook, I know I'll be first in line when The Rapture comes. THANK YOU DTK!" - Cletus J Moonshine from Bumfuck, Mississippi.

(actually, 73 idiot jesus freaks, oops, i mean savvy true believers have said those exact same words!)

"That DTK guy sure knows his shit!" - St Peter from Pearly Gates, Heaven

It’s very hard to live in fear all the time. If you want to have peace of mind, you have to try to calm down. This could mean that you have to skip watching frightening things and you have to skip listening to raving lunatics. You don’t know when life will end. It could end tomorrow, in 7 days, in 14 days, in a year, 5 years, 50 years or whatever time. Never believe that the end is near. You can even falsely believe that you will never die. What is the Jesus Christ thinking here… It’s like comparing 2 people you know. Which one acts more like good faith. Think about which one steals less, gives more, teaches better, less violent, more peaceful, doesn’t sacrifice animals in blood or whatever else. You can think that some part of Jesus exists in a real man on earth that you might talk to or communicate with. Nobody is perfect, that makes things difficult. Anyway, you could even be talking when nobody is around and Jesus hears you. Prepare to feel better, not worse. They might be skeptical. Some think they can’t learn something and that is too difficult. All these human societies are about learning something. You can see buildings in North America saying quotes that Helen Keller said. She was even deaf and blind, so how did she become a teacher of some kind. These questions are difficult to answer, maybe Helen Keller had more faith.

Fixed it for you charlatan :thumbsup

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FatFoo, you have gotten pretty wordy lately... Hmmm.

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http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m2...1b29o1_400.gif

:1orglaugh:1orglaugh:thumbsup

And the post with the most wisdom, comes from a bot.

I will have you know that I am not a bot.


Just ask FatFoo, he knows me well :thumbsup


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www.apocalypticporn.com

I made this semi-gag site earlier in the year to capitalize on those who think we're fucked on December 21st.

:1orglaugh

Easy, there is no money in porn

It can't end in 14 days...I haven't repaid Dollar Loan Center yet!
:P
Ba haha hahahaaaaa!
:warning:warning:warning:warning

With my luck, there'll be a 300lb behemoth woman in the seat next to me with a bad case of flatulence.

Thats pretty good :thumbsup

Get much SE traffic into it?

:1orglaugh:1orglaugh:1orglaugh:1orglaugh:1orglaugh

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Who the hell uses plutonium anymore. You need opposing field generators powered by antimatter in order to bend space time.

Where's the "As Seen on TV" logo?

Blaspheeeeemerrrrr!! No wonder you're going to hell :winkwink:

I love your avatar!!!! Michelle Malkin is pure scum.

Since you are going to hell anyway, then this won't hurt. It is from his sample page in his sig:

http://www.nudephotocontent.com/samp...mLSSK_2953.JPG



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Fuck. I guess I'm still old school ya know. I sometimes even still do the big pics at 500 on the long side :thumbsup


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http://madspiders.com/flaghag5000/images/ontv.gif

:thumbsup

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