Art imitates art. Excerpts from a book.
 

For the non-AVN audience, enjoy a few excerpts from a book I've written, due to be published in (hopefully) May of this year. My main character is almost always a loveable person who just happens to kill people, but I think this time around I've nailed it. It's a dark comedy, and the main character is both worthy of admiration and hatred. I like him, but I also hate him.
This will be my second published work, and hopefully will do better than my first. Provided I can get my wish, both will be released single bound, so the reader can have both at once.
I just really enjoy these parts... I really loved writing this character.
I'm off to drink myself into a blur. Have a good night, all.



I'm a well known local newscaster, and serial killer.
I'm a fraud.

______________

I kill everything I love.

_____________

Being a local celebrity has it's perks. One of them is people feel an instant sense of ease with me, no matter what.
For instance, I was just out getting the mail, and a lady walking her dog down the street saw me and struck up a conversation. The dog was barking and growling the whole time, and she just kept smiling and talking.
Are you an idiot? Listen to Rover. He knows.

_____________

Some people lack perspective, and it's a trait that I find to be abominably ignorant.
Really? You're going to tell me that I HAVE ISSUES, when you've been chained to the same wall without food for over a week? I have issues?
Maybe it's just me, but being able to walk around freely and open a refrigerator makes my issues pale in relation to yours....

___________________

Last night before bed I thought it would be nice to read her a few chapters of my favorite book. So I pulled up a chair and began to read. At first she seemed to enjoy it, but sometime around the end of chapter three I could see she wasn't enjoying it. So I asked her if there was something else she wanted me to read and she said "Please untie me and let me go."
Never heard of it, and can't find it on Google.

________________

Be careful if you decide to hit any of the local bars this week, I might slip some pretty heavy duty drugs in your drink of choice and it's lights out for you. They always ask me to get behind the bar and serve. They think I'm a novelty.
Think twice if you see me. Don't be fooled by my charisma and good looks. Of course you can trust me. Or can you?
You don't know. Of course you can trust me. Just look at my smile.

_____________

Really... if you knew how many times in my life I've been maced, you would spend less time fumbling around in your purse and more time running.
Every time I see someone reaching for it I'm all "lol, here it comes again."

___________

Sounds like my neighbors are murdering each other. Good. I'll call the cops after it's been quiet long enough that I'm sure one of them has bled out.

:Oh crap

Just a product of imagination. That's all. Mine runs vivid, but I could never be my own subject. I'm too happy being me.

Happy to elicit a response though. Thank you sir.

I would enjoy reading it when it comes out. Keep us updated.

Happy to oblige.

I hope you are feeling better these days.:thumbsup

Do you have a publishing deal or are you going the self publish route. It sounds like a pretty interesting book.

Fantastic and congrats! Sounds quite interesting.

Keep us posted on the on the availability.

My first book was self published, and excerpts from it were carried in a few magazines with my permission. This one just received the nod from my publishing agent today, same fucker who gave me a straight no last time around, but the same publisher I've been harassing to pick me up. :1orglaugh

This is honestly a great story. I know that books are not hot property these days, but I love to write, and I really feel I hit it this time.

I've been offered a decent amount for the right to publish, and I'll retain all rights to anything regarding the story, characters, places, etc. I'll get the upfront check and then the residual sales at a respective percentage.

I want my first one published with. That's my only deal. First one is not funny. It's fast moving and disgusting. Between the two, there are no recurring characters, two different books altogether. But this one is insane on a great scale. It's fucking hilarious, and sad, all at once.

If by chance you know someone, I'll tell you the bottom line. They beat it, I'll buy you a couple drinks. Otherwise, your interest is enough and I'll make sure a copy ends up in your hands.

Same with L-Pink.. cause he's just the fucking dude who kept me away from glitter. :thumbsup

I've had way too much to drink....... :pimp

I'm back to what I pass off as normal.

Seriously, I would enjoy being one of your first customers.


.

I will. Thank you for your interest.

Dude... you kept me away from glitter. That is all.

You have no idea how much I appreciate the advice you gave, nor how much I know you saved me so much grief.

By the way, I got her into her own place and she's doing great, off my dime, and happy as hell. I'll never be able to thank you enough.

Congrats. I look forward to reading it.

I am going through the process of getting a new agent right now. I had an agent and things were looking good, then the agent got arrested for defrauding various other clients. My book got held up in all the legal crap surrounding it, but now everything is back to normal.

Good luck with the book. I hope it sell really well for you.

PMing you.

Got it. I sent you an email.

Received it. Sounds fucking devious. :thumbsup
I'll tell you that via e-mail though.

I think you might like My Idea of Fun by Will Self.

ps here's the NY Times review

Interesting reading :thumbsup