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-   -   BREAKING: Masturbating Men Will Find Their Hands Pregnant In The Afterlife (https://gfy.com/showthread.php?t=1167312)

Paul&John 05-26-2015 04:19 AM
BREAKING: Masturbating Men Will Find Their Hands Pregnant In The Afterlife
 
Masturbating Men Will Find Their Hands Pregnant In The Afterlife, Muslim Televangelist Warns

A Turkish televangelist has warned male Muslims away from masturbation - because it may leave their hands pregnant in the afterlife.

Mücahid Cihad Han supposedly made the claim in response to a call from a man who "kept masturbating, although he was married, and even during the Umrah", a pilgrimage similar to the Hajj.

Masturbating Men Will Find Their Hands Pregnant In The Afterlife, Muslim Televangelist Warns

:D

weewilly 05-26-2015 05:28 AM
I am so screwed

CaptainHowdy 05-26-2015 05:34 AM
Why masturbate when you can have a least four wives in Islam??

jimmycooper 05-26-2015 05:35 AM
Will the hand ever give birth or will it just remain infinitely pregnant?

CDSmith 05-26-2015 05:38 AM
Being that I'm ambidexterous I'm really screwed.


(twins!!?)

Markul 05-26-2015 06:36 AM
Yes. It's true. I will have a hundred thousand hand babies in the afterlife. Rejoice!

Spunky 05-26-2015 06:44 AM
I think buddy needs some sex education classes

2MuchMark 05-26-2015 06:53 AM
Shit that means you have to push your babies out from under your fingernails. Do they make morning-after pills to prevent hand-preggers? And if I live in Alabama, where do I go to get hand-abortions? Planned Hand Parenthood? Is my hand considered my sister? (Is my other hand my brother?)

EddyTheDog 05-26-2015 06:56 AM
I wonder if that means I can get a FleshLight pregnant?..

bronco67 05-26-2015 07:41 AM
Do they have coat hangers in the afterlife? Problem solved.

Grapesoda 05-26-2015 07:46 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by CaptainHowdy (Post 20482878)
Why masturbate when you can have a least four wives in Islam??
you prefer masturbation or earplugs?

AllAboutCams 05-26-2015 07:49 AM
Do feet count as well?

freecartoonporn 05-26-2015 07:53 AM
what if i get hand-job from girl?
does her hand gets pregnant or she gets pregnant .
damn i am confused.

CaptainHowdy 05-26-2015 08:05 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Grapesoda (Post 20482954)
you prefer masturbation or earplugs?
:1orglaugh :1orglaugh ...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Qur'an
As to those women on whose part you see ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (next,) refuse to share their beds, (and last,) beat them (lightly, if it is useful). But if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance). Surely, Allah is Most High, Most Great.

_Richard_ 05-26-2015 08:10 AM
maybe no one ever told him how babies were made

Grapesoda 05-26-2015 09:25 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Paul&John (Post 20482846)
Masturbating Men Will Find Their Hands Pregnant In The Afterlife, Muslim Televangelist Warns

A Turkish televangelist has warned male Muslims away from masturbation - because it may leave their hands pregnant in the afterlife.

Mücahid Cihad Han supposedly made the claim in response to a call from a man who "kept masturbating, although he was married, and even during the Umrah", a pilgrimage similar to the Hajj.

Masturbating Men Will Find Their Hands Pregnant In The Afterlife, Muslim Televangelist Warns

:D
now this is the kind of critical thinking that I want laying out the rules and laws in my life :thumbsup

SykkBoy 05-26-2015 10:56 AM
I guess I';m going to have to push my hand down a flight of stairs in the afterlife...

L-Pink 05-26-2015 11:16 AM
Just get caught stealing, hand aborted, problem solved.

sandman! 05-26-2015 01:33 PM
:pimp:pimp:pimp

Quote:
Originally Posted by L-Pink (Post 20483119)
Just get caught stealing, hand aborted, problem solved.

brassmonkey 05-26-2015 01:36 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by L-Pink (Post 20483119)
Just get caught stealing, hand aborted, problem solved.
it moved to your forehead :helpme:helpme

2MuchMark 05-26-2015 01:40 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by AllAboutCams (Post 20482957)
Haha that's awesome.

Ribbet Hog 05-26-2015 01:40 PM
The best thing my hand could ever do I say...

Best-In-BC 05-26-2015 02:08 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by weewilly (Post 20482876)
I am so screwed
Dittoo :1orglaugh

MiamiBoyz 05-26-2015 02:50 PM
The lord works in mysterious ways...

JA$ON 05-26-2015 03:04 PM
http://cisr.ucr.edu/images/swollen_h...thismoment.jpg

Socks 05-26-2015 03:32 PM
I'm gonna make a mess when I get to heaven then...


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