Why Your Team Sucks! (Minnesota Vikings)
 

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Vikings write up is hilarious.

Why Your Team Sucks 2015: Minnesota Vikings

Your quarterback: Teddy Bridgewater, who is poised, accurate, intelligent, tough, and has the arm strength of an amputee baby. It concerns me that the greatest weakness of our franchise quarterback is his ability to, you know, throw a football. That?s kind of an important part of the job. I?ve had suitcases at the Delta baggage claim that arrive in a more timely manner than a Teddy deep route. Time stops when that ball is in the air. I hope he spent all offseason rock climbing. Or doing roids. He probably did roids. I approve.

My team is the Raiders.

I love the line: Permanently mascara-ed phenom Derek Carr. Carr, of course, will get murdered by his o-line at some point this season, in which case your quarterback will be either Matt McGloin or …