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20 dollars for the best joke! You can donate it if you want.
The GFY'er that tells or shows me the best joke, meme or picture in the next two days gets 20 dollars... (PayPal) :thumbsup
You can even donate it to charity to make this world a better place! Let's go. :1orglaugh |
DVTimes
.......... Please donate to your choice of charities |
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One day, Little Johnny saw his grandpa smoking his cigarettes. Little Johnny asked, "Grandpa, can I smoke some of your cigarettes?" His grandpa replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" "No", said Little Johnny. His grandpa replied, "Then you're not old enough."
The next day, Little Johnny saw his grandpa drinking beer. He asked, "Grandpa, can I drink some of your beer?" His grandpa replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" "No" said Little Johhny. "Then you're not old enough." his grandpa replied. The next day, Little Johnny was eating cookies. His grandpa asked, "Can I have some of your cookies?" Little Johnny replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" His grandpa replied, "It most certainly can!" Little Johnny replied, "Then go fuck yourself. These are my cookies!" |
"Uncle Mark, you said you would take me to Florida for my birthday!"
"No honey. I said when you turned 18 I was gonna Tampa wit ya." |
What do you call 10 illegal immigrants on the moon? A problem. What do you call 100 illegals on the moon? A problem. What do you call 1000 illegals on the moon? Still a problem. What do you call all of the illegal immigrants on the moon? Problem solved.
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A Coast Guard cutter is patrolling off the coast of San Diego. They see a boat with four Mexicans, one standing on the bow holding a Mexican flag up high. The cutter stops the boat and asks the Mexicans what they're doing.
The Mexican in front yells, "We're attacking the U.S., Vato!" The Coast Guards on the cutter all start laughing hysterically. Finally the captain leans over and yells, "Just the four of you are going to attack the U.S.?!?!?" And the Mexican replies, "No! The rest are already there!" |
A bear and a rabbit are shitting next to each other in the woods. The bear looks over at the rabbit and asks, "Do you have a problem with shit sticking to your fir?"
The rabbit responds, "Nope." So the bear wipes his ass with the rabbit. |
Statistically, 9 out of 10 people enjoy a gang rape.
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Guy: *calls 911* Hello? I need your help!
911: Alright, What is it? Guy: Two girls are fighting over me! 911: So what's your emergency? Guy: The ugly one is winning. |
My girlfriend is a porn star. She is going to be so pissed when she finds out.
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Johnny comes home from school and says to his dad, "I have to write a report on the differences between potential and reality. Can you help me?" His dad thinks about it for a minute then says, "It's easier if I just show you the difference."
With that his dad tells him to go into the kitchen and ask his mom if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars. Johnny does as he is told. His mom thinks about it and says, "Well, I wouldn't want to cheat on your father, but that is life changing money. We could pay off all the bills and send all three of you kids to college and still have plenty left. So, for the good of the family, I think I would." Johnny returns to his father and tells him the answer. His dad then tells him to go into his sisters room and ask her if she would sleep with Zac Efron for a million dollars. Without out hesitation she exclaims, "Hell yes!!!!" Johnny once again returns to the living room and reports to his dad. His Dad tells Johnny to go ask his brother if he would sleep with Tom Cruise for a million dollars. A little shocked by the question, Johnny marches to his brother's room and asks the question. His brother responds, "I'm not gay and I don't think Tom is either, but that is a lot of money. I think I would so long as I knew that nobody would find out." Once again Johnny returns to the living room and reports his findings. His dad thinks about it all for a second and says, "So, as you can see, potentially we're sitting on three million dollars, but in reality we're just living with two whores and a queer." |
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My grandfather died during the Holocaust ...
He fell out of a tower while shooting Jews. . |
I prevented a rape tonight ...
I wasn't in the mood. . |
I told my girlfriend she would look sexier with her hair back ...
Which is apparently an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient. . |
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Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?" "None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking." Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?" "Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone." "No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."
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Keep them coming! :thumbsup
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Hoe noem je een turkse vrouw op een fiets?
SNORFIETS |
Know the difference between Knowledge and Faith?
A woman knows her child is hers. A Man has faith the child is his. |
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I like this one:
Yo momma is so fat, everytime she farts people think there's an earthquake! |
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Who is this 'Little Johnny' you all talk about?..
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:1orglaugh:1orglaugh |
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The one who would posts 100 jokes would be very likely to win with so many entries :1orglaugh |
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