Are you a parent ? Do you ever want to be a parent ?
 

I'm 35. Not a parent and never want to be one. My wife however wants one kid.

What is your position on the topic ?? Many you got/want ?


I have some friends who wouldn't change being a parent for the world, and some others who wish they had never went down that route and carried on life without having kids...

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Im 31 and I feel 100% the same as you. Don't want kids, never want em. My woman feels the same way which makes things exponentially easier.

I've seen the ones who didn't want kids and then regret having one, I've also seen the ones who didn't want kids but eventually end up lonely as they get old

Difficult one really, either way there is a risk to the couple if they disagree, whichever choice they make.

A compromise is to have just one, it's a lot easier than having 2 or more.

Never wanted children - now have two - no regrets! :)

I have 2 kids, both girls 3 years old and 7 months old. Like you I didn't really think I ever wanted to be a dad. However, it is the best thing that had ever happened to me. No matter how shit my day might go these kids can make it better. The way they look at you, their innocence. When I come through the door and my 3 year old runs up me yelling " Daddy!!!" And imbraces me. It's honestly the best feeling in the world. Go for it man I promise you won't regret it.

I had one at 30 and I would do it all again even now (just not with the same woman). The way I see it is, saying you don't want kids is like saying you don't want any more people in the world like you.

I have 4 Grandkids !

Kids are so effing expensive!

28 and haven't considered have a kid, but it would be nice to have one around... maybe? My SO doesn't care either way so it's all about how hard we want to rape our wallets.

This is a hard subject for me always wanted to have kids but I can't.

Instead I have two beautiful cats that I love more than a person would love their child.

We hope to adopt a child in the future...

I think it'should the part of me that's still selfish and I like a lot of me time. To relax i still play video games, sports etc. Right now I couldn't imagine any spare mins of my day being taking up by a kid, and watching constant kids tv shows and all that shit.

One of my good friends is on the verge of a break up simply because since they had their kid they just don't have time to themselves and just don't get on anymorwith basically...


Oh meant to add, they are also just back from a 2 week vacation and they said it was a nightmare because the kid acted upon from the flight going to the fight back. Not fun...

i didn't know how it would be to be a father and be responsible for a life. i didn't know if i'd be any good at it but 3 years since my son was born and the time i spend with him and together as a family is the most rewarding and has brought me more happiness than anything else i've experienced in life. of course there are times when its hard and you think, geez if only we didn't have kids we could do this or that but the times where i wouldn't change it for the world are infinitely more. being a dad has been so much fun, he makes me laugh and smile every day. number two is due in january.

I never gave much thought about having kids until my wife announced she was knocked up. It was the worst possible time - I was in college full time, working full time, and we had just gotten married. However, from what I've learned there is no "perfect time" to have kids.

I just turned forty-eight, and my wife and I have a sixteen year old daughter. She's great. She's kind, sweet, never talks back, never gives us any problems. I am pretty strict and have a low tolerance for bullshit, but she's never given us cause to ground her. She had a problem with her grades Freshman year, but it get "somewhat" better last year, and this year seems to be going great.

Having kids is a bit of a shock for some people. Before having kids you live for yourself - You sleep when you want to sleep, you eat when and where you want to, and on your free time you do what you want. After you have kids it's just the opposite - you sleep around your kid's schedule, you eat when your kid is hungry and you eat where you kid wants to, and your free time is sucked up by your kid. This sounds like a chore to someone who doesn't have kids, but once you have kids you want to spend your every waking moment with them. It's an amazing feeling.

I don't have kids but listening to friends, expense varies based on type of parent. Daycare is of course very expensive in most places. In Canada it ranges from $800-1200 a month per kid but that lasts for 3 years really since the mother gets 1 year maternity leave then the kid is at school from age 4.

I have friends who buy their kids everything they ask for, dress them in the nicest clothes and generally spoil them. I have other friends who say kids are relatively inexpensive, they buy them clothes sure but its not the fanciest stuff and they don't go overboard with toys. It really is down to the parents on how expensive they want their kid to be IMO.

Sure I do, it is only natural. Plus we NEED babies to slow down the invasion.

I like other people's kids but never wanted my own

Seems like the great business opportunity. Rent A Kid. Not sure would it be legal , but if we hide server somewhere in North Korea, maybe it would work?

i'm 35 and do not want kids in my life

I have 2 chihuahuas. I have no desire to replicate myself. The only reason that people feel the "need" to reproduce is the primal fear of death. I face death and gladly move forward.

Sometimes you don't want to be a parent, but eventually you become one in order to keep on not wanting being one.

It's really a matter of money above all.

If you don't have the money to have a child and maintain your current lifestyle then it will be an issue.

I never wanted kids, but I have a 2 year old daughter and she's a sweet little angel. If she never happened, I wouldn't have some hole in my life that needed to be filled -- but I don't regret that she's here.

I am 70. I had one daughter when I was 28 and I was happy with her. She is married and have her own children so I'm also a great-father.

The interesting thing is I remarried at 52 with a much younger wife who accidentally gave birth to our son who is now 14. This is the best thing that can happen to a retired man, life would have been so boring without taking care of the education of my son. My situation makes it easy to devote time to him. He is kind of a spoiled child and he likes that :)

Fantastically honest reply to the question. :thumbsup

If more people would admit that they feel the same way it would make things a lot better, than the idealized Walt Disney children are everything world.

Being a parent is the most rewarding thing that ever happened in my life.

After a stressful, tiring, dreadful day at work, and you come home to an excited looking happy face of your child as he welcomes you home, something that money cannot buy!

Basically, the saying is true..."life is what happens when you're making other plans".

I had always wanted to live on the beach, surf, play guitar and bang 21 year old girls for as long as my age would allow. It's not the life I got, but the one I have now is just as good in it's own ways.

did not want the wife or kids... have x wife and daughter 26 and grandson :2 cents:

Scott in all seriousness. a child is a huge responsibility and a huge reward and a child is a huge recourse hog. the most difficult aspect is going to be holding your emotional life together with your wife. the pressure of children can drive couples apart, and as in any relationship people grow and change. and never ever ever take a small child on vacation:2 cents:

If your wife really wants a kid, it's gonna be difficult not to have one.

You work from home though, so would you be the one looking after it?

Well that's why two of my closest friends are actually at the point of breaking up. Because they can't handle the lifestyle they now have since having the kid.


It's watching a couple like that (who were always very easy going people) struggle so much, makes me think i could easily go through the rest of my days without having all those current problems they are having on a daily basis...

I have 5 kids actually. At first I wasn't prepared and scared but when I accepted the responsibility of guiding this life then the kids afterwards I am honored to be a dad. Key is to find the right woman that will communicate with you and the two of you work together. It's selfless and tiring - but the rewards are beyond any measurement that I couldn't imagine my life without them nor regret it. I am at peace.

Kids don't have to be a curse - mine are a benefit. They help out around the house without asking for anything. Each one cares and looks after the others along with observing if mom and dad need time either to themselves or are overwhelmed.

Im also 35 and have 3 kids. By far the best thing i ever did in my life. Soon as i had them i stopped drinking and smoking weed etc and settled down. Seeing them go from someone who cant even hold there own head up to there own independent person is a superb experience. Personally it makes things like hanging with my mates or holidays where all i did was get out my face seem like a total waste of time. Gives life a purpose but thats just how i feel anyway

the thing about kids is they are very distracting.. first few years is like a retarded quadriplegic room-mate. if you and your wife make the effort to set time aside for yourselves as individuals and as a couple you'll do fine.

the issues arise when you guys lose communication and then start to feel that you are in this overwhelming mess alone. you are not alone... establish a child care network support system.

the primary care giver can feel, become isolated from the primary bread winner as their paths become complicated with the day to day activities associated with either parenting or work. emotional distance is created in the partnership, this can cause resentment and artificial pressure on the relationship.

another issues are the inconvenient demands of parenting, paired with the inconvenience of children's needs. it has been suggested that the resources need to raise children pulls innovation and productive people away from societal contributions, i.e. had Einstein been a better parent, no theory of relativity.

then there is the money, you know that beer you like after work? maybe you don't get that everyday anymore... no time, no money, whatever... so there is a big adjustment.

it all depends on your preferred goal, when I was married, my choice was my professional life not the marriage. I have been single 24 years with no regrets at all.

my daughter and I have an awesome relationship and always have. the child in the long run is more important that the marriage, in my opinion.

edit: you are under no obligation to have the relationship others have, use careful thought and open communication to establish your relationship as you two prefer. and most importantly, personal honesty is in play here.

I avoid people that are dishonest in their marriage and will not knowingly befriend or associate with men or women that cheat in their marriage commitment. this is a sign of deep-rooted dishonesty, selfishness and defiantly displays a lack of concern for following though on an agreement, in my opinion.

one more statement: I once expressed to my daughter that of all my experiences in life, having her as my daughter is the most wonderful and rewarding experience I have in my life, this is true although I did not realize this for years and years.

Maybe you don't want the kid with her...
Look for another girlfriend, you still have 30 years to decide.

My kid is having her first being the wheel session with a driving instructor today.... The most scary thing in the world is when your kid drives you on public streets in traffic for the first time.

I did not want any, and have two.

I can't say what my life would have been like without them. And I can say that if I had to make a Pro/Con list that I could list a lot of things in the Con column.

I can also say that knowing what I know, if I had to do it over again, if I could get the same two kids, I would have them again.

I've got 4 kids. Three daughters and a son. They're the biggest pains in the ass ever, but I love 'em and wouldn't trade any of them for anything. I never wanted kids either and didn't start until I was in my 30s.

The wife can no longer have kids, so we're current talking about having one together via surrogate).

I have one, it was totally planned at 28 years old.

I got snipped immediately because we wanted just one.

I used to be 100% against having a baby. We decided we have the means and the want to do this, so we did.

Glad we're not struggling financially. Honestly, if you can get yourself setup first, the baby is a new family member, a new addition to an established life.

It doesn't always work out that way and I have respect for those who have them in other circumstances.

I honestly don't know. I wrestle with this issue a lot as a woman; I thought I never wanted any kids but at 31 I also have a biological ticking clock so if I do change my mind - unlike men - I have another 10 years max to change my mind which is a scary thought.
Should I or shouldn't I?

I also can't tell if I don't want kids ever or if it's because I'm just not ready (both emotionally or mentally) yet. Again though, I don't have a lot of time left to be ready, so I don't know if I ever will be. I also feel like I haven't lived enough of my life or seen enough things and places in this world on my own before I'm saddled with a lifetime responsibility of raising children and let's face it, that often times extends well into their own adulthoods. Will I be a good parent? What if I'm neglectful? Worse yet, even if I give them all my love and attention and they STILL turn into the biggest pieces of shit will I in turn become bitter and resentful? I just don't want to have any regrets with my final decision.


TL;DR: I'm torn on the issue.

There are too damn many people anyway. I take care of all the kids that come through my life as best I can, but I don't want any myself. I don't even want to get married. I'm sure when I'm older I'll be sad sometimes about that, but there it is.

I don't have any and I don't want them pretty soon !

You have way less than 10 years...trust me. My wife was in her late thirties and we had a tough time finding a solid egg for IVF. I know it can vary from female to female, but if your eggs are on the low spectrum of health/age ratio, you won't find out until later when it's too late. Some women have super eggs until they're 45, but that's rare. I would be getting worried at 35 if the egg quality is starting to decline. The thing is, there's no way you can know which end of the spectrum you'll fall on, no matter how healthy you think you are. Men's sperm is constantly regenerating, but your eggs are the ones you've had your entire life and they're aging with you.

I would suggest freezing some eggs TODAY if you think you may want to have kids later. I'm not even kidding. You can thank me in 10 years when you have a good, young, healthy egg to fertilize -- if you so choose to go down that path.

If not then you can always sell or donate it.

By the way, don't think about who you are now. You will be a different person in 7 to 10 years -- maybe worse or maybe better, but you'll be different.

If you can reasonable accommodate and REALLY want a child, I would advise having one and stop like I did if you're okay with just one.

I was on the fence for so long. Don't look at other people's kids, it's not the same feeling. It's a child between two parents, a mini you (both of you together). Totally different feeling than watching someone else's.

I honestly don't have a worse quality of life. We take turns going out / getting a babysitter for the times we want to go out together.

Usually the people that are good at making things work in life can easily pull this off.

I am 37 with a 6 and a 9 yr old daughter. Being a family guy is the best thing in the world.

this is really something you should hash out before getting married. if one person wants a kid and the other doesn't no matter what way it goes there is a good chance someone will harbor resentment towards the other for either keeping them from having the family they've dreamed of or burden them with kids they never really wanted.

having kids at first is a big eye opener. for me it was anyways, going from a carefree lifestyle to taking care of a newborn is just about as opposite as you can get. it was hard at first and there were times where i thought our lives were ruined but what a fool i was for thinking that. a newborn is a lot of work but they don't stay that forever (but try to enjoy every stage, don't wish time away) they get older and talk and walk and eventually go to the bathroom by themselves and you wonder how you lived without them, despite the sacrifice and losing some "free time" there is no amount of free time or partying that could ever equal the feeling i get when my son smiles, gives me a hug and tells me he loves me. its something i never understood until i experienced it. its not for everyone, don't bring children into the world that you dont really want but it can be pretty great.

I have 1. She came along earlier this year and has made my life better in so many ways but after I get home today I have to clean up poop from the carpet due to diaper overflow.

Having a child can restore your faith in humanity and it can be the most magical journey you will ever have the pleasure of in your lifetime. However it is EXPENSIVE. If your kid lands in the neo natal ICU at birth the bills are outrageous and if you have a kid with the wrong woman (like Brad Pit) it can cost you hundreds of thousands of dollars in attorney fees.

Any woman at any moment can make the decision to be a sociopath and all she has to do is say "I fear my safety and for the safetey of my children". Seriously this is all she has to keep repeating. She gets an attorney and that asshole will often not even require payment from her because that satanic goat molesting snake knows he or she can have the judge make the husband pay the legal bills. The attorney will coach her on what to say and almost certainly she will get whatever she wants which is to keep you away from your kids. Have fun paying thousands on Orwellian anger management/abuse classes, paying tens of thousands to hundreds of thousands on legal bills, have your career potentially ruined due to being labeled an abuser, and have your reputation damaged in addition to NOT SEEING YOUR KIDS. After all of the pain and fighting you might only end up with supervised visitation at a county facility with a cultural Marxist indoctrinated social worker with the IQ of a turnip who eyeballs you and scribbles things down while you interact with you kid.

EVERYONE should watch this video before having kids!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RrE3ptwP1XQ

Right. Unless they turn out nothing like you.

If you have a boring life then you will probably like having kids...it's good for beta men...but if you are alpha AF like me then it's a shit deal...a lot of people have boring lives so kids are popular...but if you stand in front of a school and listen to them talk you realize they are dumb mother fuckers that only parents could love...a man can get used to anything even prison...but I am too good for that shit...serious post...