Hysterical Students
 

Some of these are priceless! #13 had me laughing so hard that I got a cramped rib muscle!

Teachers Are Sharing The Funniest Things Their Students Have Ever Said, And I Can't With The Hilarity

1. "One of my pre-kindergarteners was squirming as we lined up for lunch. I asked him if he needed to go to the bathroom, and he said no, but kept squirming. So I asked if he was sure, and he said, 'I'm OK — it's just that my penis is so big.' He had an erection."

5. "One of my 7th graders asked me where babies come from, and another student replied, 'Well, when a Mommy and Daddy love each other very much...they get a bottle of scotch and a cheap motel room."

8. "I teach elementary band, and once we were preparing for a playing test when one student said, 'Man, I need to practice.' Without missing a beat, the kid next to him said, 'My mom says I need Jesus.'"

9. "I work with 2-year-olds, and one day a kid was kicking another kid under the table. The first kid asked him to stop, but the second kid kept kicking him, so finally the first kid said, 'Stop, Motherfucker!' My co-teacher and I died trying not to laugh."
"His dad thought it was hilarious when I told him. He said his kid yells at people in traffic, too!"

13. "I was teaching a lesson on whales in my high school science class, and had just mentioned the sperm whale when a girl asked, 'Is that why the ocean is so salty?

15. "I was tutoring a kid after school when he asked, 'What time is it?' I joked, 'Time for you to get a watch,' and he — without a moment's hesitation — responded, 'Time for you to get a new joke.' I had to laugh at getting shown up by a fifth grader."

17. "Last year, I had a very bright kid whose desk looked like multiple tornadoes had hit it. I tried to appeal to his scientific side by telling him about a study about how clutter affects the brain. His response? 'I'm from Europe — it's different for us.'"

18. "One of my students once asked me, 'If a synchronized swimmer starts drowning, do they all start drowning?' I lost it in class."

19. "One of my little 6-year-old students who weighed about 80 pounds at the time walked in late from recess. When I asked him why he was late, he grabbed his hunk of belly with both hands and said, 'The ladies love this!' then sat down like nothing happened."

Along the same lines...

Long ago, my mom worked as a medical receptionist at a doctor's office.

A new patient comes in, and my mom was doing the intake. The patient complains of chest pains, so, as part of the process, my mom asks the patient, "Have you had a chest x-ray done?"

The patient replies, "yes."

Mom follows up, "where did you have that done?"

The patient looks at her like she's an idiot and thumps on her chest, "Here" :1orglaugh

Lol! I had an ER doctor examine me, bad xrays and ultrasound and bloodwork done, and he put on my official medical history that I had ”extreme pain in my lower left extremities.”

The pain and swelling is in my UPPER left thigh. When I read that, I messaged them to fix it. They suggested that I file an official complaint against the doctor. I refused, saying that it isn’t a big deal but just correct it.

Saturday and this was Tuesday and no correction yet. I added a note to my records.

Worse is the “extreme pain in lower left extremities” diagnosis That’s solid medical work and definitive findings. In other words, we don’t know what the fuck is wrong but give her Oxycodone for a few days until she sees another doctor.”

I need to see an orthopedic surgeon for unknown pain.

It’s laughable how the system is being overcharged and abused yet working people often pay mega bucks for health care to fatten wallets.

Well, this thread went off topic.

Funnier is the fact that they called today to admit the error after testing a urine sample and telling them that I didn’t have a UTI infection.

I never had a urine test and the urine wasn’t mine. Now they have to retest someone.

I requested a new lab for testing.