How do you wipe your goddamn ass?
 

I used to use toilet paper but that's such an old pandemic thing. Now I wipe my ass with a portable bidet.

Oh yeah, I brush my fucking teeth twice a day for fuck's sake.

The pandemic brought a bidet to my house.

They are quite nifty.

Are you a paid shill for CurrentlySober's masturbatory thrills ? ?

After living in Spain, where everyone has a bidet, for 10 years I'm still not convinced I was using them correctly - They are great for sweaty balls, but I find wet wipes better for the ass area...

Also great in combination with a heated towel rail and free shampoo for underwear emergencies in hotels.....

Bidets are CS's (im)mortal enemy...

Big pieces of feces may clog the bidet and you have to push 'em down yourself . . .

Toilet paper is so 2020. Cucumber baby wipes for the win!

Pretty sure you are not meant to shit IN the bidet!..

Or is that what I was doing wrong?....

Yes. With your tongue... Especially when it's not yours, but a guests :thumbsup

To answer the OP - I don't... :2 cents:

You wrap a baby wipe around a cucumber??

Well i guess that does save time. Simultaneously shit and masturbate. How efficient!

Chicks eh? :thumbsup

I don't use bidet's anymore - not since the episode in '09 when one exploded on me.

My toilet routine consists of wiping the excess off with a cucumber and then using wipes. I purchased a bunch from Harrods of London when they had a sale on. They are gold gilted and dissolve in water. The pack says they are 100% better for your bum than the leading wipes.
The procedure normally takes around 20 minutes. After wiping I apply oils that act as a barrier and as a cushion.

Bidet is best :thumbsup

I can't figure out those european style ones though, the japanese is the way to go.

I have packs of wipes for travel.

Anyone who's ever filmed adult content knows that toilet paper just moves the poop around...

with hundred dollar bills

Since most people have said bidets and I have social anxiety, I have now hooked up a hose from my sink. Wish me luck.

Another question arises - how do you deal with your daily sharts ? Do you even care and let the crust fall out on its own, or you treat it as a legitimate shit ?

Using wipes, but looking forward to upgrade to a bidet!

I've never tried whiping my ass. That's disgusting ! :thumbsup

always seemed to have a bidet, from growing up and now living in Spain. I still use toilet paper to wipe my ass, but then the bidet to wash after...



Aren´t bidet´s children´s toilets :thumbsup

In SE Asia, we use the bum gun... :thumbsup

http://whatsonsukhumvit.com/wp-conte...06/bum-gun.jpg
https://www.commisceo-global.com/ima...ai-bum-gun.jpg

Yeah I got one of those at the end of my garden hose.
Maybe I should try that on my ass next time I'm out planting petunias.

Real ballers like me have slaves to do that for them.

Bidet is perfect, it should clean your ass. But finish it off with wipes.

In Europe, originally, a bidet is a bowl or receptacle designed to be sat on for the purpose of washing the human genitalia, inner buttocks, and anus. In several European countries, a bidet is required by law to be present in every bathroom containing a toilet bowl.

https://nativegypsies.com/wp-content...s-1024x768.jpg

https://thumb-p5.xhcdn.com/a/PoSdwN3...8/065_1000.gif

Lucky dude ... :stoned

Ok, so you squirt water up your ass to clean it... so what.... do you walk around with a wet ass? You still have to wipe right?

Never used one, but it's logical.

Yeah, and what do you wipe with? tha bathroom towel that someone is later gonna wipe their face with or tissue which falls apart leaving bits all over you ass.

When I saw the thread title I thought it was questioning the inteligence level of the board. Ya know, kind of like, "How the hell do you people manage to wipe your ass?"

Instead I find out it is an actual discussion on the methodologies involved in wiping your ass.

I really don't know what to say.

:helpme:helpme:helpme:helpme

.

You have to legally tell us how you wipe sir.

I lik 2 think its the result of my near 20 years of ceaseless poo promotion, that others on the board are now finally aligning their interests with my way of thinking... :2 cents:

I like poo

I don't know what to say either. It was my response to the brush your teeth post.

Yay! Its a 'movement' :helpme

Just write me the ticket then officer, cause I ain't talking.



lol.


Is that a double entendre?

.

i cunt a4da a double entendre... :(

slaves is such a harsh word, in good old democratic tradition let us change that to 'prisoners with jobs'

He found this girl via a Craigslist ad looking for models for an art project. When she showed up, he told her it would be in black and white.. therefore it's art!

have used baby wipes for 20 years.

Back when I was a teenager I almost drowned in a bidet and that wasn't very pleasant.

The first time I went to Switzerland, the hotel had a bidet. I had no idea exactly how to use it but thought it was a great idea and wondered why we didn't have them in America. I also wondered why boys are taught to stand up when they piss at home in the toilet. I guess it's so we can leave the seat down and spray piss all over the place. Must be some of that English hygiene we brought over on the fucking Mayflower. I thought we were the smartest country but how long did we wipe our asses with corncobs until we figured out toilet paper? And who's idea was that?
Europeans and Asians have been laughing at us for centuries! Jeez.

Corncobs and cacti… sounds like a new Tenacious D song.

A paper cut would change your mind in a hurry!