What do you do with a habitual liar?
 

This has been an issue with my oldest niece for years now...it seemed as though she was going to grow out of it and the problem has been alot less frequent this last year but she pulled that shit again tonight.

Over the last couple of months she's been the last one to go to bed...I'm usually in my office working but anyway she lets my dog I have had for 10 years outside in the front yard and then goes to bed without locking the door or letting him back in..she has done this on numerous occasions...sometimes left him outside for an hour or more.

Usually she just says something like..."Oh I forgot," and then I'll make a comment like how I don't appreciate her leaving my dog out in the front yard and about how dangerous it is to just go to bed and leave the door unlocked.

So it happens again tonight. Alot of times my dog sleeps with my sister and her pup so in the late evening I don't always know exactly where he is...but I always check.

My oldest niece yells through my door that she's going to bed..So I go check on my pup and he's not with my sister...I look through the house and he's no where to be found...so I look outside and he's not coming to my calls...I ask my niece if she let him out and she says the last time she saw him was in the living room.

He's not in the house and I can't find him outside..anyway everyone is up now looking for my pup and guess what...he is outside but around under the carport.

As he's coming in I ask my niece again if she let him out she says..."I don't remember."

This bullshit coming from a 17 year old who will be 18 in May.

So what does my sister say..."Well maybe YOU left him outside," pointing at me.

I about went ballistic...my sister knows this is an ongoing issue with my niece...and they both know I've been in my office for the last 2 hours so to try and pin this bullshit on me.

A simple 5 minute issue turns into a heated argument all because people don't want to own up to their mistakes...I just don't get it.

This may not seem like an important issue or big lie, but the problem is that she's been doing this for years on some very minor issues...the girl could be sitting there with her hand in the cookie jar and she will deny it.

Hell we've all lied as kids...but these lies I don't know how to explain it they are different. Like I said she gets caught and she has NEVER as long as I can remember admitted to it after she starts the lie.

Attention.

She's addicted to it. That's why she lies.

For some people, lying is their only way of shaping/affecting reality.

I feel for ya... I have a neice that's exactly the same way. She lies about EVERYTHING! Makes up stories at school and tells her friends she's prego... or she just has a mis-carraige... One time she was staying at our house and we stood and watched as she stole $20 from my wifes purse. We say something and she turns around with the $20 in her hand and totally denies taking it from the purse. She said she was already holding the $20 and was looking in the purse for "something". She's only 14 and a real piece of work... You'll be seeing her face at a post office near you soon.

Yeah I've wondered about that...I know people do things to get attention whether it's positive or negative reactions they get.

But these lies are never about embellishing on stories, or to make her life seem like it's better *like lying to kids that she's rich etc*...I'm beginning to think it's more about power.

Like she doesn't want to be wrong and lose power so even if she has to lie in order to be right she will no matter how foolish it will make her look...which of course makes you want to trust her even less.

This is definitely not as minor an issue as you make it out to be. It looks like there's a bigger overall problem that's brewing that has not been discussed. Unfortunately, I think that your niece's habitual lying might be a direct influence of your sister's personality, which is why your sister will never fess up to herself or her daughter making a mistake. Situations like this call for 2 things, a confrontation where you ask your sister to tell you of any issues she or her daughter are having, and an ultimatum, if your dog is left out one more time... then (fill in the blanks)

This is just my :2 cents:

You've hit the nail on the head with my sister...my nieces are living with me for a reason...my sister's life was in such a mess she couldn't take care of them.

And as for the ultimatum I told them if my dog ever went missing that theirs would end up missing as well...LOL

It was in the heat of battle and I don't mean that...but I will allow myself to cool off and discuss it tomorrow when she returns home from school and come up with a realistic approach to the problem.

Hey man I feel for you as well...I hope your issue gets resolved without your niece ever getting into serious trouble for real.

You're doing the perfect thing, let the tension calm down a bit, and then sometime when everybody's more relaxed, just approach your sister and have a private, upfront, but polite discussion as to exactly what issues she's having trouble with, and let her know that you can help her out. Don't conclude the discussion without laying every single tiny detail out from both your and her side.

Take 2 pills and call me in the morning. :Graucho

That sense of power is their way of feeling they are having an impact on the lives of others.

Eros... I know what that is like. Cut her off. She is spoiled rotten with SOMETHING, or deprived completely of it.

If you confront liars they always get pinned and confess. Confronting is different than asking nicely... BTW> :)

she craves for a cock.

Let me get this straight; you have people living under your roof (I assume this is your place and not a family house), endangering your pet and lying to your face?

It's time to put the law down. It's your home and you don't have to put up with anyone else's bullshit. I'm sure you love your sister and your niece but if you don't get this shit straghtened out in ahurry, your dog is going to end up under someone's tires or in a coyote's stomach. I can't believe you've been putting up with it for "years" (unless they didn't live with you before) but you really should draw a line and stick to it. From the little bit you posted it sounds to me like your niece is running the show with your sister and when the kid is in charge nothing good can come of it.

SpaceAce

My nieces have been living with me on and off for years but this whole leaving the dog outside and door unlocked issue has been going on for a couple of months.

One thing is they don't run the house, and I'm wondering if that's why she feels the need to lie about so many minor issues...my niece that is.

I don't tolerate much...I'm not strict by any means but when I put my foot down the shit better get taken care of or there is hell to pay.

As I said in a past post I think there might be a power issue involved here. She does not want to be wrong at any cost.

My niece claims she does not remember whether or not she let the dog out...*pretty lame response if you ask me.*

My sister says she doesn't remember when she last saw my dog...so basically I threw it back in their laps that one of them was lying.

I pretty much surmised it is my niece because she was the last one in the living room with him...even claims she saw him there AFTER my sister went to bed...but somehow he got out of the house all by himself...even then she would not admit to it...and this is what truly pissed me off...and as this issue became the dominant issue I got even more pissed off because it could have all been resolved in about 5 minutes instead of boiling over into a heated argument.

This reminds me of my best friend/neighbor when I was little. She used to lie about the craziest and dumbest shit, like being allergic to milk. Even when caught red handed, would still deny everything.

To me it sounds like a few things. The first being, you are obviously "man" of the house, so she could be consciously or unconsciously wanting some sort of discipline, if she isn't getting enough from her mother or a father. Which is of course negative attention because she's trying to fill a void she has.

I think you are correct with the power/control issue. When she takes no responsibility for her actions, then she is basically doing what she wants on her terms and doesn't have to answer to anyone. Unfortunately she's almost 18 and her mother had to start enforcing these types of things much earlier, because they say the same sex parent/role model has the biggest impact on who you grow up to be.

Sometimes habitual liars are just ashamed of who they are and have convinced themselves that they couldn't have done something wrong, so they don't admit things they have done. She may deny things to you and she might also be in denial herself.

It can be anything or more than one thing. It's habitual because that's exactly what it is... a bad habit and sometimes it's easier to lie than to tell the truth. Like any bad habit, it has to have a consequence. For whatever reason, she believes it's ok to lie... even about minor things because small lies are easy to get away with and if she can lie to her own family, she can get away with lying to complete strangers, who would never know the difference. Minor lies (which I think are worse than big lies because when it becomes so frequent, you never know when to trust someone as opposed to someone that lies rarely) ...she needs to face the reprecussions at some point. It won't be easy to get through to her at her age, but the first thing to do will have to be to find out what's going on inside her mind, not just about lying but about life in general.

If she's blonde it might be the truth, that she forgot.



:)