Monkey Fun (ICQ)
 

So i'm sitting here and get yet another fucktard hitting me on my icq, somewhere over the last month I snapped and started fucking with the ppl that just add me and spam, here is one that just happend :)



EVyaTAR L.F.C (02:06 AM) :
i from isrel

EVyaTAR L.F.C (02:07 AM) :
sup?

vdc-Loki (02:07 AM) :
help, they have me locked in a science lab and they dont know i can type on this computer

vdc-Loki (02:09 AM) :
hello? r u there??

EVyaTAR L.F.C (02:09 AM) :
yap

vdc-Loki (02:10 AM) :
can you help me?

EVyaTAR L.F.C (02:10 AM) :
yap...

EVyaTAR L.F.C (02:11 AM) :
?

vdc-Loki (02:11 AM) :
i am a geneticly enhanced monkey, what i mean is i am a primate who has been given drugs to make me smarter, and i have learned ot type on this keyboard and use the internet when the lab is closed....

vdc-Loki (02:12 AM) :
i have learned alot in the last 4 months but i still cant seem to pick the lock to my cage so i can escape

EVyaTAR L.F.C (02:13 AM) :
i know litter english
i from isrel...

vdc-Loki (02:14 AM) :
ok let me see if i can do this right

EVyaTAR L.F.C (02:14 AM) :
ok

vdc-Loki (02:15 AM) :
i am a monkey i eat bananas.
i am locked up in a medical lab
in a cage. can you teach me to pick locks?

vdc-Loki (02:16 AM) :
i am afraid if i do not escape they will hurt me

EVyaTAR L.F.C (02:16 AM) :
monkey???

EVyaTAR L.F.C (02:16 AM) :
what u think on isrel....

vdc-Loki (02:17 AM) :
i am monkey, it is an animal, i have been taught to type and read
i have never been to isrel

vdc-Loki (02:18 AM) :
do you have a banana?

EVyaTAR L.F.C (02:18 AM) :
u are not monkey!
what yot problem???

vdc-Loki (02:19 AM) :
tell me about isrel
can you pick locks?

EVyaTAR L.F.C (02:19 AM) :
isrel-danger

vdc-Loki (02:19 AM) :
NO i AM monkey
Doctors teach me to type and read
want me to go up in space
in ship
study me :-(

EVyaTAR L.F.C (02:20 AM) :
hahahahahaaaa
u fani!

EVyaTAR L.F.C (02:20 AM) :
u are not monkey!!!

vdc-Loki (02:21 AM) :
no not funny
me true
i monkey
need u help me

EVyaTAR L.F.C (02:21 AM) :
listen...

EVyaTAR L.F.C (02:21 AM) :
u-are-not-monkey!

vdc-Loki (02:21 AM) :
yes

vdc-Loki (02:22 AM) :
you think i not monkey?
ask me question ONLY monkey would know

EVyaTAR L.F.C (02:22 AM) :
haha

vdc-Loki (02:22 AM) :
why isrel - danger?

vdc-Loki (02:23 AM) :
y no one help monkey :-(
this make monkey very sad

EVyaTAR L.F.C (02:23 AM) :
isrel..................danger..........
end u not monkeyyyyyyyy

vdc-Loki (02:24 AM) :
monkey no understand why isrel - danger
what isrel do?

EVyaTAR L.F.C (02:25 AM) :
palastin danger moor...

EVyaTAR L.F.C (02:25 AM) :
palastin is animels!

vdc-Loki (02:26 AM) :
Danger to what?

vdc-Loki (02:26 AM) :
animals like me?

EVyaTAR L.F.C (02:26 AM) :
what yor problem!?!?!

vdc-Loki (02:27 AM) :
I told you i am monkey
i am locked in lab
doctors poke me and abuse me
i need to escape

EVyaTAR L.F.C (02:27 AM) :
ha ha ha ha

EVyaTAR L.F.C (02:27 AM) :
go eat banna

EVyaTAR L.F.C (02:28 AM) :
how u now reed?
and tipiyng??

vdc-Loki (02:28 AM) :
not funny :-(
no banana i have

EVyaTAR L.F.C (02:28 AM) :
so?..

vdc-Loki (02:29 AM) :
i tell you
doctors teach me. man teach me
want to send me to space and study me

EVyaTAR L.F.C (02:29 AM) :
ok

vdc-Loki (02:30 AM) :
HELP ME PLEASE

EVyaTAR L.F.C (02:30 AM) :
i go to the school..............................u are not monkey!

vdc-Loki (02:31 AM) :
you goto my school?

vdc-Loki (02:33 AM) :
I have to go the men are coming
they will beat me if they catch me here
send help please

EVyaTAR L.F.C (02:33 AM) :
cya

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh

-Loki-

:1orglaugh omg!!

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh

that's some of the funniest shit I've read in a long time

Glad i could bring ya that laugh then, I guess i should start saving more of these logs then i do about 5 or 6 a week, ranging from cam spam that i ask "Hey whats the rules about killing someone if they break into your house" to junk spam that i say "omg if i dont find some porn quick i will just die..."

I just happened to be copy pasting that log over to someone and i said "shit i need to share this with the masses"

:1orglaugh

I only wonder how much longer i could have wasted with that fuck lol

-Loki-

I sale you ,monkey cheep!

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh

haha funny shit Loki :1orglaugh

I Like Monkeys


The pet store was selling them for 5 cents a piece. I thought that odd since they were normally a couple thousand. I decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth. I bought 200. I like monkeys.

I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car. I let one drive. His name was Sigmund. He was retarded. In fact, none of them were really bright. They kept smacking themselves in the face. I laughed. Then they smacked my face. I stopped laughing.

I herded them into my room. They didn't adapt very well to their new environment. They would screech, hurl themselves off of the couch at high speeds and slam into the wall - although humorous at first, the spectacle lost its novelty halfway into its third hour.

Two hours later I found out why all the monkeys were so inexpensive: they all died. No apparent reason. They all just sorta dropped dead. Kinda like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later. Stupid cheap monkeys.

I don't know what to do. There were 200 dead monkeys lying all over my room, on the bed, in the dresser, hanging from my bookcase. It looked like I had 200 throw rugs.

I tried to flush one down the toilet. It didn't work. It got stuck. Then I had one dead, wet monkey and 199 dead, dry monkeys.

I tried pretending they were just stuffed animals. That worked for a while, that is until they began to decompose. It started to smell real bad.

I had to use the restroom, but there was a dead monkey in the toilet and I didn't want to call the plumber. I was embarrassed.

I tried to slow down the decomposition by freezing them. Unfortunately, there was only enough room for two monkeys at a time so I had to change them every 30 seconds. I also had to eat all the food in the freezer so it didn't all go bad.

I tried burning them. Little did I know my bed was flammable. I had to extinguish the fire. Then I had one dead, wet monkey in my toilet, two dead, frozen monkeys in my freezer, and 197 dead, charred monkeys in a pile on my bed. The odor wasn't improving.

I became agitated at my inability to dispose of my monkeys and to use the bathroom. I severly beat one of my monkeys. I felt better.

I tried throwing them away but the garbage man said that the city is not allowed to dispose of charred primates. I told him that I had a wet one. He couldn't take that one either. I didn't bother asking about the frozen ones.

I finally arrived at a solution. I gave them out as Christmas gifts. My friends didn't know quite what to say. They pretended that they liked them but I could tell they were lying. Ingrates. So, I smacked them in the face.

I like monkeys.