Bush Announces Anger Management Counseling Now Available To All Iraqis
 

4 more Years - holy shit!!! :)




BUSH ANNOUNCES ANGER MANAGEMENT COUNSELING NOW AVAILABLE TO ALL IRAQIS


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President Bush states his case to the United Nations

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Bush announced today that, in addition to bringing benefits such as "freedom" and "democracy" to Iraq, he will also make anger management therapy available to every Iraqi man, woman and child.

"Obviously," said Bush, addressing the unending instances of gun attacks and suicide bombings that have wounded or killed hundreds of American soldiers, "the Iraqi people have anger management issues." Bush continued, "We see this all the time back home. Heck, when someone isn't able to control their anger, it comes out in all the wrong places. It's kind of like road rage or domestic violence. Only in Iraq, it's a little different 'cuz of the cultural aspects involved. But America has the resources to nip this problem in the bud."

Coinciding with the quasi-return of Iraqi sovereignty June 30, Bush announced Congressional approval of a $35 billion package earmarked for Iraqi psychological improvement.

Under the proposed package, teams of American counselors will visit Iraqi homes devoid of electricity for over a year, so that they can help Iraqis identify issues that predispose them to anger and resolve them in constructive, nonviolent ways. Defense Secretary Rumsfeld noted that anger management therapy conducted by candlelight is likely to "lend a certain ambiance to the surroundings that will expedite Iraqi anger management efforts and create a more Zen-like atmosphere in the long run. This is to everyone's benefit."

Psychologist Gerard Wentworth further explains, "It won't be easy. There isn't any clean water readily available in Iraq, and it's so incredibly hot there. But we're up to the task of helping these people, even if we have to lug our own drinking water around in M-1A2 Abrams tanks. We want to make sure that they confront whatever is prompting their feelings of fear, betrayal, powerlessness, frustration ? the well-noted 'anger triggers' we've isolated in our US research ? so all Iraqis can find more effective ways of dealing with their anger. We're committed to this task."