i'm lonely
 

will you tell me a bedtime story?

:Oh crap

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"

The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry."

Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"

He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."

Sleep tight fagget! :1orglaugh

bahahahahah good joke reynold :thumbsup

good one :1orglaugh :1orglaugh

a joke posted yesterday.. dont remember by who...


It's a beautiful, warm spring morning and a man and his wife are spending the day at the zoo. She's wearing a cute, loose-fitting, pink spring dress, sleeveless with straps. He's wearing his normal jeans and a T-shirt.

The zoo is not very busy this morning. As they walk through the ape exhibit, they pass in front of a very large hairy gorilla. Noticing the girl, the gorilla goes ape. (no pun intended.) He jumps up on the bars, and holding on with one hand (and 2 feet), he grunts and pounds his chest with his free hand. He is obviously excited at the pretty lady in the wavy dress and the husband noticing the excitement, thinks this is funny. He suggests that his wife tease the poor fellow some more. The husband suggests she pucker her lips, wiggle her bottom at him, and play along.

She does, and Mr. Gorilla gets even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead. Then the husband suggests that she let one of her straps fall to show a little more skin. She does, and Mr. Gorilla is about to tear the bars down. 'Now try lifting your dress up your thighs and sort of fan it at him.' This drives the gorilla absolutely crazy and now he's doing flips.

Then the husband nabs his wife by the hair, rips open the door to the cage, slings her in with the gorilla and slams the cage door shut. 'Now, tell HIM you have a headache.'

A sex-starved wife is fed up with her boozy husband.

Every night he comes in drunk and falls asleep straight away. It comes to a point where she hasn't had good sex for over a year and is considering divorce.

After another night in the pub, she decides to confront him when he gets home.

When he staggers through the front door, before she can have a go at him, he says "Baby, get upstairs to the bedroom".

She can't believe it... at last he's going to pay her a bit of attention.

They get to the bedroom and he rips off her clothes. "Now darling do a hand-stand against the full length mirror on the wall"

"Hmmm," she thinks "KINKY... I like it."

She does the hand-stand and her hubby pulls her legs apart and puts his chin on her privates.

"The boys down the pub were right," he says, "A Goatee WOULD suit me!"

See post you freak
http://www.gofuckyourself.com/showthread.php?t=471428

old but good one, thanks for the LOLs

some old romanian gypsy told me this joke.....



Somewhere down in the Carribean there is a girl with no arms and no legs...She is homeless, no job and has no boyfriend.
She lives on the beach, so every night before she goes to sleep she cries to herself because nobody wants her. So one night,
some guy is walking on the beach and asks the girl, "Why are you crying?" , She responds with, "Nobody will hug me"..the guy
then hugs her and goes on his way. The following night, the guy is walking on the beach again and he notices the girl crying again,
so he then asks her again, "Why are you crying". She replies with , "Nobody will kiss me"...so the guy gives her a kiss on the cheek
and goes on his way. The next night, the guy is walking on the beach again and he notices the girl crying once more, so then he proceeds
to ask her, "Why are you crying AGAIN ?", She says, " NO ONE WILL FUCK ME", So the guy PICKS her up and throws her in the water and
says , "NOW YOU'RE FUCKED"