A little known secret about me.
 

My mom took acid the whole time while pregnant with me. This is not a joke.
I always wondered why when I was younger movies were to emotional for me, music once I began to understand the words made me cry. I still can not watch highly violent movies, nor the types of movies that are "tear jerkers".

Maybe thats why I enjoy Adult so much more, to much story and depth just overly distracts me or stimulates me. In Adult its never been that way, though I am shooting content these days and to hear the stories that girls go through and have been through is painful sometimes. I always find myself telling them to slow down, take it easy and offering my help if they should ever need it. I know someday I may regret it given some situations. Suppose I been lucky with my pre interviews thus far in detecting a real problem, or what ever. Who knows.

I remember when I was a kid and cried all through Benny and the Jets wondering why they killed em. The song still gets to me if I ever hear it. I freaked out on Micky Mouse when I was 5 on my first trip to Disneyland.

How many of you had an emotional break down on prom night? I did.

When I see flowers, or somthing of beauty I feel it. I have to admit my mind is a very unstable place sometimes yet I hold it together and tell myself that the world is the way it is and under some situations even casual ones that what goes through my mind is just my mind. I truly care alot about people, places and even things and I see how these things are connected in ways I can not describe. Everything is connected though, trust me on this. At any rate I have become very capable to just dismiss the deeper ways things actually affect me as nothing.

I been thinking in retrospect alot lately. About my life, the way I am, what I have become. What people might think of me. I wonder if people think like me, sometimes I feel disconnected in knowing that no one, nothing could understand how hard it is to keep stable or some semblance of a sane mind when things go out of alignment in everyday life. For example A speeding car, a car accident, plane crash, a shooting, bombing and generally people dying in the news or somthing as simple as my cat looking at me wondering how many different ways there is to kill me. ( Just kidding I know my cat loves me ).

As of late its been getting harder, I cant drink alot of orange juice, never have been as it tends to make me trail or color. Tonight I drank a half gallon of orange juice and I am disturbed by even the shadows in my room. I know the deal though so I can hang.
I have been living this way for 34 years.
So now ya know a truth about me.

A very personnal one at that but perhaps many of you might understand why I go off the handle from time to time. When I see collissions it bothers me, detracts from a harmony that I expect in life and the reality is the world is chaos, billions of minds each with its own sense of identity and problems.

I do not have the worse problems and often consider myself lucky to be doing exactly what I do.

Create things and find beauty in all of it:thumbsup

Don;t feel bad for me, I am proud of me but I know that some of ya folks that read me I most likely pose as a total basket case and honestly I couldnt blame ya for it. :thumbsup

You are cool in my book Mark. Yeah you take heat on the boards but away from the boards you are good people. One of the few I consider a true friend

Wow. Talk about laying all of your cards on the table. That takes courage.

This read like the lyrics to an Eminem rap.....

I just stole that for my druggie loser blog.

Thanks.

I did, not for my Prom, but for my girlfriends, which was the next year, she was a junior, me senior.

My mother didn't like her too much, and made my whole time visiting PA from FLA Hell with phone calls and bickering.

I punched the wall next to the weight room, to relieve the stress. Damn near broke my hand.

You are a true friend as well, and ya know it.
Yeah was good seeing ya for a few minutes bro, always nice to drop by:)

AnyWebcam seems to be doing ya right and the what they are doing is truly awesome, I really had no idea what was up with em.

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lsd rocks

Hey Mark Are you UP?

alien, do you have prices for your photo sets? you have nice stuff, nicest i have seen in a while on here.

This is another disturbing example of the problems.
They got drugs for everything and those drugs just blank out the mind, consumes it and alters it. No one is the same on shit like that.

Drugs are bad, even the ones mother gives you.
I take no Meds I know the deal with em.

When you Trip for 34 years ya could understand maybe but I can tell you now that mind altering drugs from the pharmacy are doing more damge than good to people at large.

everyone gets bummed, everyone gets happy its a rollercoaster and to deprive your life of such experiences is literally a waist of life and its meaning.

Yep... it sure does!

Alien,

I may have writen you off as a nutter, will you be in Vegas next month?

If yes, let's sit down and meet. Who knows, we may put 7 years of reciprocal hatred to rest.

I dont hate ya dude, really I don't it makes for good reading though. We have no bone to pick with each other, never have, just the snipes and shit I know I couldnt expect people to think like I do. I know it is fucked up sometimes and WAY WAY OFF.
On a real level, I dunno if I will be hitting Vegas this year, I rather save the money for a trip to Hawaii come spring summer.

1k a night plus gambling 5 days straight in Vegas makes my wife a little nervous and she rather spend half the money on a trip out there in 2006:helpme
On the plus side she is excited about P Funk and Players Ball so its up in the air still. We might just hit Vegas for one night only.

Speaking of her, we been together for a long time 12 years now or so, the anxiety attacks I have and sometimes just full out wigging in the closet the ups and downs I experience. I goto give her credit where credit is due, I never been easy on her.

http://www.blotterart.net/albums/LSD..._Duck_copy.jpg

" It has often troubled me to wonder why the cohesion and coziness of human groupings and communities is so little enhanced by common joys. To really bind together, history sustains, we need a common pain, an equal suffering, and all the better, yet, if there is something (or someone) we can point to, as a group, and cry: ?There! There is the cause of all our strife!?

I could speculate and say I think it?s simply in our nature, but that would make me sad. I am encouraged by the many people in my life and whom I?ve met, who are at least committed to resist that truth. But, looking back to history, especially now from this Unexpected Present that so well resembles many shameful Moments of the Past, I see nothing but this pattern: The occassional uprising of an ideologically motivated altruism, which bears beautifully the fruits of art and learning for a while, but then succumbs in ruins to Dark Fear ? inescapably and every time... more




2hp

to hear the stories that girls go through and have been through is painful sometimes.

------be very careful with the girls :2 cents:

Glad you fought your fear and shaked hands with Mickey :)

http://www.cruizersworld.com/misc/disney/b_mickey.jpg

whoa thar..

Interesting read. We might not see eye to eye on everything but you are a talented man and shit happens sometimes. You are at least man enough to own up to who you are and most people can't do that. Rock on man fuck the haters:)