I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, also.
 

mitch hedberg rest in peace...

whats up with these talented guys overdoseing.. that fucker was funnnnnny

http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Mitch_H...ohol_and_Drugs

He died on March 30 -- I think you missed the memorial! RIP anyway.

opps.. forgot the paragraph about the fact that his death was confirmed to be drug related

I wrote a script for a guy, and he said he liked it but he thought that I needed to rewrite it. I said, "Fuck that, I'll just make a copy."

LOL

and still people go on and do drugs which they know would kill them

One of the funniest fuckers I have ever heard.

That guy was a fucking riot.

This one time I was in a convenience store, and guy came up and asked me, "What's the score?" and I said, "What is the game? If it's a competition between me and you, and the object is to ask the other guy questions he doesn't give a shit about, then you are winning, one to nothing."

I was in a casino, minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move. You're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit. Unless you're a table.

I think Pizza Hut is the cockiest pizza chain on the planet, because Pizza Hut will accept all competitor's coupons. That makes me wish I had my own pizza place. "Mitch's Pizzeria ... This week's coupon: unlimited free pizza. Special Note: coupon not good at any of the Mitch's Pizza locations. Free pizza oven with purchase of a small Coke. Two-for Tuesday: buy one pizza, get one franchise free."

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh

I want to get a vending machine, with fun sized candy bars, and the glass in front is a magnifying glass. You'll be mad, but it will be too late.

hehe, that's hilarious.

I used to play in a Death Metal band. People either loved us or they hated us... or they just thought we were "okay."

The one about the Donut shop and the recipt.

I went to go buy a donut, and the guy asked if i wanted a recipt.

Fucking Riot.