Things not to do during sex
 

Things to not do during sex -

1. Break into "We are the Champions" upon reaching orgasm

2. Break into farm animal noises upon reaching orgasm

3. Utter all sexual exclamations in yiddish

4. Say you want to get into something a little more comfortable leave the room, come back dressed as -
a) a pilgrim
b) an astronaut
C) your mother (really funny if ur a guy)
d) the hamburglar
e) Mr. Rogers

5. During oral sex, mutter under your breath, "uh, oh......that can't be good."

6. During intercourse passionately shout out
a.) other names
b.) Muppets
c.) Barney songs
d.) all the members of the Angels team

7. Already be wearing a condom prior to disrobing.

8.three words: Condom balloon animals

9. Explain that you cannot perform sexually unless witnessed by Tom Selleck. Unveil giant picture.

10. insert William Shatner for Tom Selleck.

11.Calmly hand him/her goggles and bag of warm spinach. Say matter-of-factly. "All right. let's get started."

12. Yodel

13. add sensual foods to increase pleasure
a.) Sushi
b.) Sushi chef
c.) bagle and lox
d.) cheeseburgers
e.) broccoli
f.) cottage cheese

14. After sex remove condom and ask where she keeps the recycling bin.

15. Hum "Ballad of the Green Berets," gradually get louder as activity becomes more intense.

16. Scream out "Am I good child Mr. Priest"

17. Surround room with G.I. Joe action figures

18. take notes during all actions

19. Conduct play-by-play commentary in the voice and style of Howard Cosell



More Things not to do during sex ?

20. Stage Dive



21. Starting the wave



22. Mood Lighting ? Bright Spot light



23. Mood music ?

a)The muchkin song from Wizard of Oz

b) Leonard Nimoy's album

c) Shatner's

d) Darth Vader's imperial walk



24. More Sensual foods ?

a) Ludifisk

b) Mayonnaise (with cherries)

c) Coffee grounds

d) Ham (ofcourse in some instances)

e) Ham and fudge



25. Raising the roof



26. Pull out frozen fish sticks and stick them at either end of the bed. Scold them through out for not paying attention.



27. After he/she disrobes jump out of an available window screaming "There is no God"



28. Using Rogain as massaging oil



29. Using Tobasco as a lubricant



30. Narrate actions like Adam West



31. Wear Acid Wash Jeans



32. Provide Resume, Cover letter



33. Also include salary history and reference list



34. Wear a monocle



35. Post a huge picture of their mother on ceiling



36. Wear gloves





37. Erect a Candle Lit Shrine to Gary Coleman ? call him "The Messiah"



38. Substitute Mini Me (racist)



39. Demand payment for your pimp ? Mr. T



40. Air Guitar



41. Air Trombone



42. Scratch and Sniff



43. Locations ? treadmills



44. Wear swim Goggles



45. Wear a name tag



46. Have a midget stand motionless dressed like an Oompa Loompah right before orgasm have it scream out "Booyah"



47. Use Twinkie wrapper as a condom



48. Give a Eulogy



49. Cry Histerically

.................or better yet.............................don't have sex at all

When I fart, it smells.

That has to be one of the best things i have read here for ages

funny list... is that mandatory?

wow that's one hell of a post.

Funny though :thumbsup

heh funny

hehe... nice list!

Well, that sucked.
Besides..wtf is wrong with dressing up as the hamburglar during sex?

long and funny list. :1orglaugh

That's a detailed list! Very funny :1orglaugh

I had to finally give up my monacle after my friend gave this list to me.

29. Using Tobasco as a lubricant

lol.. great list

46. Have a midget stand motionless dressed like an Oompa Loompah right before orgasm have it scream out "Booyah"

:1orglaugh

Hahahaha!
Personally I prefer Grimace.

Bump for the day crew

for all you know, one of those can turn a normal sex into the most unforgettable moment :1orglaugh

Some of those are great.