The most ridiculous thing you've ever heard from a customer
 

I have a number of little stories to share, and I hope that others will be inclined to add more stories from their own lines of work.

First let me give you a little background info:

I work in a college registrars office for a school called Eisenhower University - see eisenhoweruniversity.com. My division deals with prior learning assessment and evaluation for people with work experience and/or previous college credits that they could apply to an Eisenhower degree. Every day our office gets calls and emails from all around the country, and I have the pleasure of speaking to a number of upstanding individuals who think they could get a Master's Degree in Engineering because they once "built a do-it-yourself radio kit." While we offer degrees in many majors, we're not going to give you an Accounting Degree because your aunt is an accountant and you once balanced your own checkbook.

- Story 1 -

Earlier today I had a call from a redneck wanting to apply with us. During the conversation this is what transpired:

Me: May I have your zip code please?

Him: Zip code? You mean 804?

Me: Oh, I'm sorry I meant your 5 digit zip code

Him: Hold on, HONEY!! WHATS THE ZIP CODE!!

Me: *pause*

Him: We don't know, I just want to sign up for the PLA program

Me: Absolutely. I will be happy to help you further; what state do you live in?

Him: STATE? the UNITED STATES!

- Story 2 -

Often we'll get clueless people who are so out of touch with technology that its laughable. Here's a snippet from a conversation with a 40 year old guy about applying for our program online.

Me: What version of Windows are you running?

Them: Hold on, let me check.

Me: OK.

Them: They're thermal.

Me: I...I beg your pardon?

Them: The windows are thermal.

Me: ...

- Story 3 -

Last week a lady called in who was having trouble accessing her student account on our website. I don't know why she called our office, since tech support is a different division entirely. But after a little trial and error we were able to get her account fixed and everything squared away. The tail end of our conversation went like this:

Me: Well, seems like everything is working, is there anything else I can help you with?

Her: Yeah, don't use anti-perspirant! Wanna know why?

Me: Not really, but I bet you're going to tell me.

Her: Because it causes cancer! Look at the first ingredient, it's aluminum! It gives you the cancer!

Me: Well, that's good to know ma'am, have a good day!

Her: Wait!! Do you know why 9/11 really happened? George Bush ordered it! There were secret Nesara computers in the sub-sections underneath the WTC!

Me: Wow, amazing.

Her: I'm part of this secret agency tied to Nesara, and we're planning on overthrowing the government! Here's a few links you should check out, and tell all your friends about!

Me: Will do ma'am, thank you for calling.

Her: No no! Wait! Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara !!!!!!

The call lasted about 40 minutes after I fixed her problem, and since I can't hang up on students I had to sit there and listen to these awesome stories. She went on and on about Nesara, and how I should watch the news because something huge was going to happen in the next few days. Of course nothing did. God I love my job.

I've had customers email me saying that they are contacting their lawyer if I don't cancel their $2.95 trial within 24 hours.

Comedy

what does that mean - you can't hang up? does your boss say that? i guess i would have dropped the telephone by accident :1orglaugh

Funny stories... thanks for sharing!

once a customer called up about some charges on her card, they were for a live sex show (gay) as it turns out her son made it and I was trying to be cool about it but she was being a bitch so I informed her that her it was her son who bought a live gay sex show and that he was gay and hung up. She called back crying.

HAHAHA these are all hilarious, any more

well i used to sell windows by telephone.

One question was what are your windows made out of?

one person said glass.

but reading over that, that doesnt sound that stupid.

Yeh in the same job, people would get so annoyed about the calls they would get so angry and when u tried to give them the number for a service that auto blocks those advertising calls, they percieved as you trying to sell them something else lmao.

i did tech support and I had someone call me freaking the fuck out about their computer not turning on.......

"I push the button and nothing happens!!! It just sits there! I'm so screwed! I can't afford to buy a new computer! I just bought this one 2 days ago"

the person was on the verge of tears. My 1 question solved everything. "Is it plugged in?" after 30 secs of silence, there was a quick but very quiet "thank you" and CLICK.

:1orglaugh people amaze me sometimes

In my previous line of work I sold electronics. I had a customer call about a VCR problem, she was maybe 80 yrs old or so, said it wouldnt play.
I talked her through all of the proper set up and hook up with her over the course of 30 minutes, then it dawned on me..

me: Ma'am, this might sound silly but after you put the tape in, did you press play?

her: Well I didnt know you had to do anything else.. where is play?

Damnit it took a half an hour and she'd never pressed the play button.:waaaaahh

I had a surfer send me an email a couple months ago, saying my paysite "ate his money". Like a vending machine. LOL

hahaha

He wanted to know "what I could do for him"... apparently wanting a free membership. Right.

Dude I could give you tons of anectotes like that just with my parents...they are so clueless when it comes to technology LOL...


Im pretty sure everyone here is in the same situation: Since you know computers pretty well, you are the tech support for friends and family... I know its been that way for me forever....

damn...:1orglaugh like i was on tears laughing...my family are so clueless about technology too. And I have to stop and explain everything to them every time i turn on the DVD or my PC

My daughter was whining the other night about not being able to install sims on her computer. Wanted me to do it for her. I asked her to get me a glass of tea, she pops off with I'm not your waitress. I stopped dead in my tracks, looked at her and said...I'm not your personal IT dept. She got my tea.

I think it's more funny that a person on GFY is so ashamed of his dayjob that he had to register a new nick to post this...

Years ago I was an assistant manager for a gas station. My boss had hired a young blonde airhead to work behind the counter and she quickly became the neverending joke of the company.

One day I was out taking some readings on the gas pumps when she gets on the store intercom and calls out from the store, "I need to get some change from the safe. Can you tell me the combination to the safe again?" (we had a night deposit safe behind the counter).

I was standing next to a customer filling his tank at the time, and the blonde chick could easily see me through the big station windows.

The customer next to me started laughing, so I said, "No problem Margie...I'll whisper it to the customer here and he'll tell you when he comes in to pay for his gas."

Dead serious, the chick replies, "Oh, okay...thanks." The customer and I nearly busted a gut laughing.

You know that this is an adult webmaster board, right?

And by that I mean PORNO WEBMASTERS.

Do you have any sites at all?

My dad asked me if they have Yahoo in Ottawa.

He wanted to make sure he could check his mail there.

Nice first post! :)

haha... for real?

lol great stories, some time ago i went to see my great aunt who is still alive and she had a problem with her vcr player. She read all the instructions got it all right except for one problem, she put in the video with the plastic still wrapped around it. Shes great though, makes the best meals ever!

Them: They're thermal.

Me: I...I beg your pardon?

Them: The windows are thermal
-----------------------------------

:1orglaugh

Had a guy chargeback cause his son stole his card and signed up to one of our sites. He mailed support 5 mins later he didnt get the confirmation with the user/pass and if he could receive it again to check if it wasnt active

right

Used to do tech support. Guy calls up saying he cant get onto the internet. After some poking around, I realized his computer wasnt on. I asked the fucking guy to turn on his computer, he says "can't, were having a power outage".

mmm she should have done it anyway given that your her father.

Years ago I wrote for tranny sites, and part of that job was answering the models' e-mail. One day a woman wrote having a complete breakdown because she'd gotten into her husband's e-mail account and found correspondence between him and one of the models. I, pretending to be this model, assured her that there was nothing going on and it was just "fan mail" type stuff and not cybersex or anything like that. About eight e-mails into our exchange I finally had her calmed down, and then, in her final e-mail, she wrote something that made it clear that she believed this model was a female. She was falling apart because her husband was exchanging e-mails with another woman. I did not have the heart to tell her that these girls weren't exactly girls, and the problem with her husband was a lot bigger than she thought it was.

another webmaster from Ottawa, ok who doesnt do pornsites for a fucking living now?

I use to handle account management as my very first job after college. This customer had her account terminated because she neglected paying the bills for several months, and her account was endorsed to our law firm demanding that she pay the huge amount of obligation. At first she was very furious at me and wants to talk to the manager, but I was so good in pointing out that her mistake. The ending was she cried on the phone accusing me of being rude, sarcastic, and unsympathetic of her predicament. She demanded to talk to my supervisor to file a complaint against my rudeness, which I defended to my supervisor was totally untrue.

My buddy works for Ameritech in Chicago in the DSL sutomer support department. A lady once called and said her phone and internet were not working becuase there was a deer on the power lines. They thought she was nuts but after another call came in stating the same thing, they sent out a tech. sure enough, a train hit the deer launching it up into the powerlines. :1orglaugh

He also said every now and then a customer thinks the mouse is a foot pedal

Damn, ever worried of boring hours there man?! :thumbsup

dude, thats hillarious! :1orglaugh :1orglaugh

I did tech support for a company that shall remain nameless once. Customer called in (at 10 PM) stating that he was an assistant district attorney with Dallas/Fort Worth, complaining about some of the charges on his card. Being that I was the highest person in the office (none of the suits work at 10 PM) I got to be the lucky soul that was going to become the call center super he wanted (he already talked to the super, but he wanted someone hire, so someone had to get a promotion in a real hurry).

When I got him on the line, he ranted on and on. I explained to him that we had already reveresed the charges (and after he ranted on some more, I finally just told him flat out that I nor anyone else belived his story, we thought he made the charges but we were gonna reverse them anyway as a courtesy) and that was his exclusive rememdy. He went on and on with some legalise he picked up from somewhere. I started google'in while he ranted, and eventually found a list of the staff and thier telephone numbers at the DAs office he claimed to be from. Surprise, he wasnt on the list.

I let him continue on for a while longer, now he was talking about how I had better get my CFO on the phone and have a check for $100K waiting for him tommrow because he was coming to pick it up and that if I didnt have it he would have me arrested. I told him his check would be at the front desk, and it would be held by the police officers at the front desk, who would, after reviewing his tape recorded call, be there to arrest him for attempted extortion. Then I told him about how I didnt find him in the listing, and he hung up when I mentioned maybe we could add a charge of impersonating a law enforcement offical and harrasment.

The call wasted like 3 hours, but it was actually fun. I got tech to go into our phone recordings and send me the call recording via e-mail as a .wav file, which others as well as myself in the dept used to entertain ourselves with for days to come.

Actual call centre conversations !!!!!

Customer: "I've been ringing 0700 2300 for two days and can't get through to enquiries, can you help?".
Operator: "Where did you get that number from, sir?".
Customer: "It was on the door to the Travel Centre".
Operator: "Sir, they are our opening hours".

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Samsung Electronics
Caller: "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?"
Operator: "I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about".
Caller: "On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?"
Operator: "I think you mean the telephone point on the wall".
----------------------------------------------------------------------
RAC Motoring Services
Caller: "Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am travelling in Australia?"

Operator: " Doesn't the product name give you a clue?"
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Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while travelling in France):
"If I register my car in France, do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Directory Enquiries
Caller: "I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff please".
Operator: "I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct?"
Caller: "Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off".
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Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator: "Woven? Are you sure?"
Caller: "Yes. That's what it says on the label; Woven in Scotland".
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On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator:

"I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on".
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Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop".
Customer: "OK".
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?".
Customer: "No".
Tech Support: "OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No".
Tech Support: "OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?".

Customer: "Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'".
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Tech Support: "OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Caller: "I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realised that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I have my file back again?".
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There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for "Termination without Cause".
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations!):

Operator: "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?"
Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
Operator: "What sort of trouble??"
Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
Operator: "Went away?"
Caller: "They disappeared."
Operator: "Hmm So what does your screen look like now?"
Caller: "Nothing."
Operator: "Nothing??"
Caller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
Operator: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??"
Caller: "How do I tell?"
Operator: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??"
Caller: "What's a sea-prompt?"
Operator: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"
Caller: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
Operator: "Does your monitor have a power indicator??"
Caller: "What's a monitor?"
Operator: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??"
Caller: "I don't know."
Operator: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??"
Caller: "Yes, I think so."
Operator: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.

Caller: "Yes, it is."
Operator: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
Caller: "Okay, here it is."
Operator: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
Caller: "I can't reach."
Operator: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??"
Caller: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."
Operator: "Dark??"
Caller: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.

" Operator: "Well, turn on the office light then."
Caller: "I can't."
Operator: "No? Why not??"
Caller: "Because there's a power failure."
Operator: "A power......... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now.

Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??"

Caller: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
Operator: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?"
Operator: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
Caller: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??"
Operator: "Tell them you're too f*%ing stupid to own a computer!!!!!"

HI and welcome aboard.. nice thread going ...

i did tech support for a cell company and this old man was getting irate:

"DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG I'VE BEEN WITH (COMPANY NAME)? BACK WHEN CELL PHONES HAD CORDS!"

FSwenson... congrats on your first post! keep 'em coming.

Those stories were great..lmao

my buddy who i believe still does tech in winnipeg got a call from an american complaing about his computer.

turns out he was complaing that his drink holder was not big enough to hold his slurpee.

of course it was just the CD Rom, some pople are complete idiots. :1orglaugh

That's your first post here, right? welcome and congratulations..

A friend at sympatico (big ISP) helpline once had a lady comming bitching about how her internet didn't work... After a while he got her to say that the CD for the startup didn't work... turned out she didn't even have a computer and bitched about how much of a rip off the 30 $ she paid for everything was... stupid hahahaha

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... All with longdollar sigs. Things that make you go hmmmm.