I need advice! (This is serious)
 

How should I handle this?

A couple weeks ago, I emailed my niece (16 years old) whom I haven't talked to since I lived in Wisconsin (7+ years). I asked her how everything was going. I told her she was pretty. She told me she had a small business selling accessories and I told her I'd love to see some pics of them so I could buy some.
My mom told me tonight, that my sister (my niece's mom) asked my mom if I was trying to get my niece into my business. My mom said, she wouldn't do that. My sister said, well she said she was pretty. My mom said, well she is pretty.

My sister and I do not get a long. We haven't spoken in a long time. I don't really want anything to do with her because a few years back she fucked me over financially. She is divorced and her daughter doesn't live with her.

Should I stop talking to my niece now? Or does that make it look like I had an agenda? WHICH I DID NOT!

Tony's sitting here saying his next wife is going to be an orphan and only child lol.

I would keep on keeping on. Screw the sister.

i dont get what the problem is ? why would you stop talking to her ?

If your bitter over past problems you shouldnt have spoken to her to begin with.. with that being said , money is no reason to not be friends, so let the past be the past .. people who talk to much end up with nobody to talk to..

Let the haters hate or think you have an "agenda" , who cares, blow em off..

Nothing wrong with keeping in touch with her at all..I would say it's still ok to be friends even though your sis doesn't seem to want to

the problem is...i have a psycho sister who is pretty much questioning if i'm involved in illegal activities. wondering if i'm trying to entice my 16 yr old niece into a life of porn. which i'm not. and i can't believe she'd fucking think that.

Sad fact though is you are in porn so everyone will assume that. It is part of taking this job.

Carry on with your life and if you desire to talk to your niece so be it. Though the parent has a right to put their foot down since she is still underage.

Don't let hate dictate your life.....If you do your no better then the person ya hate...

i'm not letting hate dictate my life.
but thank you for the post. its a good idea to live by.

fuck your sister. if you want to let your mother know that you have no agenda (just to completely clear that up), that's up to you, but don't even worry about your sister. and whatever you do, DON'T stop talking to your niece, she has done nothing wrong so there is NO reason to alienate or punish her. Just help her out and keep talking to her and eventually you will prove your sister wrong.

The niece is 16 y/o she is certainly old enough to determine whether or not she wishes to associate with you. Thats the only person whose opinion has any bearing in this matter. If you did nothing wrong (and I know you did nothing wrong) then tell the sister to fuck off.

lol.
my niece doesn't know what i do and she doesn't need to know what i do. that's how i feel about that.
i'm not going to say that to my sister. she scares me lol.

I wouldn't stop talking to your niece, she didn't do anything wrong so why take it out on her. I don't know how your family dynamic is so I can't give you the perfect advice, but I do know what it's like to be the kid caught in the middle of a parent and a relative feuding; I just saw my grandfather for the first time in 20 years last year because of crap like this and am just now starting to pick up where we left of when i was a kid. I say ignore your sister and keep supporting your niece's new endeavor. :2 cents: :)

Having 4 sisters myself, I can totally relate. I've had my fair share of drama with all of mine at some point or other and am still dealing with shit even today. Tell your sister to go suck a big fat one. Don't let her issues interfere with your relationship with your niece. And don't cut off ties with your niece. She'll think it's her fault or that she did something wrong.

isn't that illegal? :upsidedow

Thats hard - I think that your mum has to play a part in this.

You cant have a good relationship with your niece until you have a good relationship with your sister.

Swallow some pride and admit that some of you have done in the past has been wrong. It dosnt matter if its true or not.

Sometimes its important to tell people what they want to hear.

I would anticipate that your neice is old enough to make some decisions for herself, those being whether she wants to talk to you or not, or whether she has her mother's opinions as well.

If she's happy to talk to you, then I wouldn't see any problems talking with her - she is your relation, too.

MandyBlake,

I would just let your niece contact you and take it from there. BTW, how did your sister find out that you told your niece she was pretty?

:)

never do business with family unless you want to burn bridges :2 cents:

this thread is useless without any pics... oh, wait, nm, jk...

my niece told her that i had written her and that i thought she was pretty.

i'm NOT doing business with family. lol
read the post again! lol

Hey there! I agree you should keep the relationship with your niece. She might need your support right now, god knows being a teenager is no picnic!

If I were you I would write my sister a letter, something short and non-inflammatory like:

"I respect your wishes for your daughter's life and would never want to compromise your relationship with her or her wellbeing. While you and I might lead different lifestyles, you have my word that I would NEVER try to influence your daughter's life in a negative way."

Something like that, to convey that you respect her position as your niece's mother, and that you also have no intention of "luring" her daughter into the business.

Best of luck!

I agree with NaughtyJulie... being a teenage girl is tough, and sometimes its nice to have someone older and a family member that you can go to for advice, etc. She won't have to worry about you running and telling her mother anything she tells you, but you'll look out for her best interest.

Nothing is wrong with saying that your niece is pretty. Sounds like your niece still needs 'mommy'. I would let your niece make the next move for future contact. :)

yeah that's what i was going to do.

My mom's family does nothing but bicker and fight and they've even gone as far as to sue one another over a business deal.

Pretty sad if you ask me.

My mom and I didn't get along or even speak much for a few years. I could be in her house eating dinner that she cooked, and we wouldn't speak and even acknowledge one another.

Life is easier when everyone get's along. In this case I don't see that happening, so salvage what relationships you can and don't worry about the rest. Their loss.

i would do the sister and the daughter if i was you it would make MAD Money!!!

Stay in touch with your neice or she will wonder why you don't talk to her and probably believe every nasty lie your sis tells her about you. Show her that she has nothing to do with the problems you have with her mom. Every girl that age needs a cool Aunt! She could probably use someone to talk to at this stage, you remember that age right? Obviously her prudish mother will be of no help to her now. Good luck!

I would keep a line of communication open with the neice, and always let her know you are there for her. But please don't put the neice in the middle of yours and her mother's problems. To SOME degree, you need to honor the Mother in this situation, the neice is her child afterall, and she should be respected as such. As a mom, if I found out ANYONE, much less a sibling was going behind my back and my wishes about my children, I pretty much sense they are up to no good, and that never sets well with a Mother. If it was as bad as you say it is between you and the sister, no telling WHAT she has in her head, if she is a lunatic, luckily I am not a lunatic and I don't have this to deal with in my immediate family....... but have dealt with it.

My mother and I hated and still hate each other and I have a little sister I adored, I tried so hard to have a relationship with my baby sister, but my mom would make HER life miserable when she and I tried to have a relationship, and it was hard on my sister. So I have a little of a first hand knowledge into this.

As much as I love my sister, I had to walk away so she would be able to finish school and have a life that wasn't as stressful because my mom made her feel like hell, told her she must not love her if she was talking to me, always accusing me of turning her against her, her of telling me how bad a mom she was and so on. It just wasn't good on my little sister. And as an Adult, I had to make a really hard decision. I told my sister I loved her and would always be here for her, but that I wanted her to be happy and still depending on my mom, she wasn't going to be as long as I was in her world.

With those psycho moms, sometimes we have to make decisions that aren't so easy for the sake of the other CHILDREN involved. I don't say walk away from her, my situation was far different, but I do say that to some degree, you are going ot have to honor the mom here. Do what is right for YOUR NEICE. Make up with the mom, or whatever, if it is possible. If it is this important to you, swallow whatever you need to and have some sort of relationship with your sister to be around your neice. Having a relationship with my mother wasn't an option.. but might be in your case. But man, a pshycho mom can really make even her own child's life hell if she feels threatened or betrayed.