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1. When an employee is in your office to talk with you, don't hesitate to answer your phone.

2. Take a week to respond to requests and queries from your employees. Heck, take two.

3. Criticize people in public. Don't worry whether the criticism is direct or tacit. It'll have the same effect.

4. Permit inequities and conflict to persist. Remember that you're too important to deal with employees' petty tiffs.

5. Be stingy with your thank you's. After all, they just make people feel like you should be paying them more money.

6. Pay people less than they're worth. Give raises based on factors they cannot influence or, for more fun, based on their performance relative to one another.

7. Don't smile when you say hello to employees. Better yet, don't even say hello. A third option: if you must say hello, follow up with a "how ya doing?" and then look away before they answer.

8. Ask people to do work outside of their job description.

9. Interpret all suggestions for improvement as personal attacks on your leadership.

10. Do your subordinates' jobs for them, since you can't trust them to do it right. If that's not attractive to you, though, dump your work on them instead.

11. Give people the illusion of empowerment. Tell them they have control over a process, and hold them accountable for the results, but then micro-manage the process to meet your pre-determined ends.

12. Take credit for the good work your people do (and blame your department's problems on their laziness and ineptitude).

13. Hold lots of meetings and make sure they have an unfocused agenda. Allow the conversation to meander aimlessly, permitting one tangential comment to give license to the next. Never cut off a rambling participant and if anyone has a good idea, compel that person to assume responsibility for a new committee to pursue the idea. End each meeting with no action items.

14. When scheduled to meet with an employee or with a group of employees, be late. Sometimes very late. Hey, they meeting can't start without you, right?

15. Never, never forget that you are superior to your employees and never doubt that you are absolutely right. In doing so, you'll be guaranteed to skillfully apply all of the above secrets of success.

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