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Sorry if its old....new to me!

Dear Technical Support
>
>
> 18 months ago, I upgraded to GirlFriend 1.0 from DrinkingMates 4.2,
> which I had used for years without any trouble. However, there are
> apparently conflicts between these two products and the only
> solution was to try and run GirlFriend 1.0 with the sound turned
> off.
>
>
> To make matters worse, GirlFriend 1.0 is incompatible with several
> other applications, such as LadsNightOut 3.1, Football 4.5 and
> Playboy 6.9.
>
>
> Successive versions of GirlFriend proved no better.
>
>
> I tried a shareware programme, Slapper 2.1, but it had many bugs
> and left a virus in my system, forcing me to shut down completely
> for several weeks. Eventually, I tried to run GirlFriend 1.2 and
> GirlFriend 1.0 at the same time, only to discover that these two
> systems detected each other and they caused severe damage to my
> hardware.
>
>
> I eventually upgraded to Fiancée 1.0, only to discover that this
> product soon had to be upgraded further to Wife 1.0. While Wife 1.0
> tends to use up all my available resources, it does come bundled
> with FreeSexPlus and Cleanhouse2004.
>
>
> Shortly after this upgrade, however, I found that Wife 1.0 could be
> very unstable and costly to run. Any mistakes I made were
> automatically stored in Wife 1.0's memory and could not be deleted.
> They then resurfaced months later when I had forgotten about them.
> Wife 1.0 also has an automatic diary, Explorer and E-mail filter,
> and can, without warning, launch TurboStrop and Whinge. These
> latter products have no Help files and I have to try to guess what
> the problem is.
>
>
> The modem configuration appears erratic. Although it appears to be
> Broadband enabled with vast streams of data being transmitted down
> the phone line at a high rate, the consequent phone bills are
> proving costly.
>
>
> Additional problems are that Wife 1.0 needs updating regularly,
> requiring ShoeShop Browser for new attachments and HairStyle
> Express which needs to be reinstalled every other week. Also, when
> Wife 1.0 attaches itself to my Saab 93 convertible hard drive, it
> often crashes. Wife 1.0 comes with an irritating pop-up called
> Motherinlaw, which can't be turned off.
>
>
> Recently, I've been tempted to install Mistress2003, but there
> could be problems. A friend of mine has alerted me to the fact that
> if Wife 1.0 detects Mistress2003, it tends to delete all of your
> Money before uninstalling itself.
>
>
> Help requested please?