Yucky
 

A man went to a whorehouse to get some practice
performing oral sex on his wife. The woman at the front
desk gave him a key and told him to go to room 319.

The man walked into the room and met the lady of the
evening. He told her why he was there, so she gave him
a few pointers and then told him to go for it.

So, the man began performing oral sex and he was, by
her reaction, pretty good at it. But something strange
happened. A couple of minutes into the deed, he felt
something in his mouth. He spit it into his hand and found
a piece of carrot.

"Oh man, that's nasty!" he thought, but he said nothing
and continued.

A couple of minutes later, he came up with a pea.

"Damn, can't take much more of this. There's something
wrong with this bitch." But again, he said nothing and
gave it one more shot.

A couple of minutes later, he came up with a piece of
chicken. He couldn't stand it any longer.

"I can't do this anymore! I'm gonna throw up!"

"That's funny," remarked the hooker, "that's what the
last guy did."

Two necrophiliacs are at work in the morgue. One of them turns to the other and says, "You should have seen this woman they brought in last week. They pulled her out of the water after she'd been there for three weeks. Man, I'm tellin' you, her clit was just like a pickle."

"What," the other asks, "green?".

"No," says the first, " a bit sour."