Opinions on getting married young
 

Hrmmm.. I have a catholic girlfriend from Mexico, and it's about that time. Her family would never have us living together without being married first, and since she lives in Mexico and I am from Toronto, it just emphasizes their point. I'm very serious about her, and getting married just seems like a logical extension, but I'm only 21 and I never really considered getting married so early.

So I'm thinking I'll broker a deal with her parents to be engaged for at least a year before setting a wedding date. I think it's crazy to get hitched without living together for a good deal of time first, and they think it's crazy to live together without being married first.

I don't really feel pressured, but I do feel like it's time to make a decision and go with it. Anyone else here get married relatively young?

If you love her, I'd recommend going for it.

I think love is the best thing in the world if you can find it, cause not everyone can.

Just think of yourself as being lucky enough to have found it at your age. Don't think of it as a curse, otherwise you wouldn't be with her in the first place. If you love her, you have nothing to lose.


Just my :2 cents:

Well, statistics actually show that couples that dont live together before marriage stay together longer. Of course, that probably has something to do with the religious reasons against premaritial sex, not the actual living together.

21 is too young!

You can never tell, marriage changes everything, the couples may be living for 10 years together, then they get married and boom a divorce. So I would say it's a matter of chance, but my advice would be have fun and live a life you will always have a chance to get married, there are so many things that you cant do when you are married so enjoy life while you are unattached.

I got married at 22 ! :Graucho 4 years hanging at the rock clubs was enough for me.. LOL

I am 38 and my kids will be grown in less than 4 years ! :)


Marry for love not lust ! :)

Living together is the best way, Me and My Wife did for a year before we were married (3 years ago now)

You really get to know the person truly inside and out when you live with them and all the things that they do (or Dont do) are revealed when you live in the same space day in and out.

Love is the greatest thing in the whole wide world and you dont need a piece of paper or a ring to tell you that you are together.

If you are serious about marriage, and it is EXTREMEMLY serious, cause you are totally and completely responsible for this woman and any children you two may have, Be a man about it and Tell Dad and Mom whats up straight to their faces, that way you establish who controls your home and life together.

Reason I say set mom and dad straight, is I have a buddy that is being married this coming may and his father in law and mother in law are all up in their lives with complaining about, We dont like this, we dont like that. he is miserable now and wants to bag the whole thing, cause, this is what his life will become, mom and dad will want to control all. Nip that now man, or forever live as Daddy's boy.

Other than that, congrats on wanting to be married, I think it is the most wonderful adventure you can go on. Have a good one and post wedding pics man.

lates!

And fuck it dude...IF it doesn't work out remember...third time's the charm so hurry up and fuck up your second marriage too...then find "THE ONE!" :thumbsup

I am 33 and have been with the best woman in the world (nothing personal ladies!) for the last year...never happier and we just had a baby a month ago. Life is good but it took a couple of false starts to get it right.

21 is way too young...Best of luck though! :winkwink:

is this an internet girlfriend? she's from mexico ?

I think that you HAVE to live together before you can marry someone. Me and my now wife, have lived together for 8 years before we got married and it was the best choice that we've made. It's kinda funny because when me and my wife first met, I was with my cousin who also got hooked up with my wive's friend.

They ended up living apart, then eventually got married after a couple of years. They moved in together the day after they got married. Well, after realizing that they just can't live together, they ended up getting a divorce shohahahay after. While me and my wife are still going strong, he he he.

YOu already know what youre gonna do, do it.

;)

I'm 30 and not married. But I will tell you this. You are very smart to wait a year, and see how it is to live together. It's a different ballgame when your living with someone. I lived with someone for 2 years. That was awful, but that was my situation, everyone's different. You really start to see if you mesh or not, or if it's just lust and not love. I say your doing the right thing by waiting. I think if you talk to her parents and let them know that you love her very much but you don't want to rush into anything it will work out fine. Good thinking on your part.

Do not get married under age 30.

unless you want kids right away, or you're financially secure, don't get married just so you can be together with her, very risky. my :2 cents:

and i am 26, not 30. But i am tending to believe this. The first round of divorces by friends who had gotten married young is hitting right about now.

sow your oats...


but, hey, if you feel a strong connection with this girl, are you going to listen to me? :winkwink:

If you love her do it man.. it's better to raise kids when you're young... I'l get maried next year too...

PS: show us her pic and you'll have our blessing too ;)

I have been with the same woman since I was 18 and we have been married for over 6 years.

I personally dont think that age is what determines if a relationship is going to fail or not, but if the two involved are ready to be in a relationship...

If both aren't committed and ready it will fail....

she's a hardcore catholic? have you told her what you do for a living?

stay single

Thanks for all the good advice and intelligent responses. No, she's not an internet girlfriend, I met her while she was going to school here to learn english. Since then I've been to Mexico to meet her family, they all love me, and yes she knows exactly what I do for a living and visits my website regularly to see what I've been writing about! She is very supportive and insists that I do what makes me happy. She's 26, a little bit older than I am..

All my life people have been telling me I am too young. I was the first kid in my city to take co-op courses (when I was 13) I helped start and operate a million dollar plus business when I was 14, was a consultant for Air Canada, Ford, Kellogg's, etc when I was 16, got a quarter mil in VC money when I was 18, etc. I even managed to get my highschool diploma somewhere in there, they laughed because my mom actually attented my school more than I did the year I graduated. ;)

Still, I try to be wise and jumping in headfirst isn't always the best bet. They aren't "hardcore catholics" by any stretch, but they have a lot of family values that I respect, and I haven't introduced her family to what I do, not because I'm ashamed, but because I'm scared of how their opinion of me could change when really I haven't. I just don't see how a see-through skin-tight shirt makes everything okay.

Anyways keep the experiences coming! You all have given me some good things to think about.

Ahhh the joys of having a spanish girlfriend.. This is pretty funny I think..

PORQUE???

>After we have said all of the words we can to each other, it all
>comes down to this... When I wake up in the morning and open >my eyes I want to see you lying beside me.

que que???? lying?? well only if you are sick you want someone who be lying you no??,

:winkwink:

ummm, and what exactly did you do for ford and kellogs? look at cars and eat cereal ?

Youth consulting, web consulting

my advice:

don't marry someone who is THAT concerned about their parent's opinions of their lives. they are not truly an adult until they can make decisions for themselves.

I'm with my girlfriend for 5 years and 1 month. She lives in Brazil too, but 1600 miles (3000km) away from me. And yes, we meet online, then I flied (for the 1st time) to meet her in person.

We'll marry, we just don't know when. I have just 3 months more in my advertising college, then I'll see what I'll do.
I work both with adult and non-adult sites, she have no problems with it. I'll even try to teach her some stuff.

Wish us luck guys.

Jer

Thanks, but disagree. We don't need to be trailblazing rebels, I don't see why making our parents happy at the same time as making ourselves happy is a problem

Good Luck, Socks!

give 'em an inch... you'll never hear the end of the in-law criticisms. :2 cents: you're gettin married anyways. :)

my parents got married at 18, first kid @ 19 2nd kid at 21 and have just celebrated there 21st anniversary together.
not all young marraiges fail.

I think you need to look at the reasons you want to get married so young. Do you want to feel more grown up? Are you only considering it because it's expected of you? Or does the idea of waking up beside this woman every day for the rest of your life put a huge smile on your face?

Getting married at any age is not an easy decision. It takes a lot of hard work to make a marriage successful. The reason most people would advise against getting married so young is because your personality & interests are going to change drastically over the next 10 years. But if you're confident that you both have the same goals & dreams, then go for it.

I wish you luck!

I was 20 when we got married, he was 31. We lived together for about 5 months before getting married but only knew each other for 6 months prior to moving in together. We've been married nearly 3 years, and our first baby is due in January.

Personally I was happy getting married at 20. I did a lot of partying between the ages of 17 and 20 so I feel that I sowed all the oats I could. My husband was ready to get married as well, but then he's been around 11 years longer than I have :) .

Basically, we met and fell in love and decided that regardless of any age difference we were both in the same place mentally and emotionally and ready to move on to the 'next stage' in our lives. 3 years on and I've never been happier. Its funny because being so young I'd not had a relationship that had lasted longer than 2 years and I thought that maybe we'd get to 2 years and I'd freak out and split. But that time has come and gone and like I said before, we're as happy as 2 bugs in a rug (soon to be 3 bugs).

Basically it comes down to the individuals involved. Are you emotionally ready to commit to a lifetime? Is she? Do you feel you NEED the cushion of living together to 'see if it will work'? I'm not against living together, I think people that love each other should be together as soon as they can be. But don't base the success of a relationship on the hopes that living together will get you used to each other. It was nice living with my husband before we got married but I don't think anything would have been different had we stayed living apart. His quirks still surprise and delight (and occasionally frustrate) me to this day.

I'm rambling now but I have a strong feeling that ANYTHING can work depending on the people involved. There is nothing wrong with getting married young, just don't rush into anything.

My wife and I lived together for 10 years before getting married (shit almost our 2 year anniversary)....I don't know that it would have changed either way had we gotten married shohahahay after dating....

hmmm, a canadian and a mexican...wow, a whole country dividing you....

I noticed, the one thing I couldn't find (in Vancouver anyways) was a good mexican restaurant...some great ethnic places, some Taco bell type restaurants, but no good authentic mexican restaurants....here in Nevada, of course, we have several of them (almost one on every block)

I'm single, I'm happy and I'm only doing this so I can break 200 posts... :eek7

Seriously though, it really shouldn't matter how old you are in order to get married, all that matters is that you love the person and you know in your heart of hearts that she is indeed the one you want to spend the rest of your life with, forsaking all others...

Dude, I don't mean to be a downer, but don't you think the fact that you're even asking this question sort of answer it for you? Or did you just really need to hear other opinions?

If you love her, marry her.

the problem with getting married young( ie 21) is that you still have a lot of growing to do.

throw in a wife of the same age who's also got growing to do and you could run into serious problems later.... if your interests for example diverge......

and having kids won't help either.

I got married for the first time when I was 40 ( I'm 42 now, had a birthday yesterday). I lived with a few girls before I got married, but I couldn't see myself marrying them. I finally took the plunge at 40 and all I can think now is that I should have waited another 40 :-(