A funny Incident in your life that is worth telling
 

I'll go first: the day i lost my virginity. We were at the view up the street from my house. The bitch was really experienced and she thought i was too. I stuck my cock in her pussy and before i knew it my cum was all over her and her snatch. Good thing the slut didn't get pregnant. She was so pissed! :1orglaugh

well, do you want to hear about the first time I did mushrooms, or got tossed from Disneyland?

Yes sir :upsidedow

They are both longer than I care to type out . . . do you know shorthand? I could call you and you could transcribe it for the folks.

I cant write fast enough sorry :winkwink:

I might try Sound Recorder and just upload the file if I get energetic.

lol have you ever tried to fit a computer monitor through a car window at 80mph? haha it doesn't work the monitor is too big so you gotta open the door with your foot and use both hands to let it out that way. yeah last weekend was pretty uneventful. :winkwink::1orglaugh

So, you are littering the highway with toxic shit? Nice.

who said it was a highway? and i love you too bd! :thumbsup

but if you must know it was in front of someones house who im not to fond of.

I figured 80 MPH ruled out the beach or a lawn.

and really, think about it . . . . as a friend.

:1orglaugh:1orglaugh

yeah yeah i know dumb as fuck im not even denying that... it just happened thats all i can say.

this post just reeks of salad tossing...

Your idea of Disneyland and mine differ greatly.

There was the time we (mom and friends) were in gridlock during the after fireworks fourth of july parking lot scramble... we were all trying to get out at once... im sure youve all experienced a 4th of july scramble... equivalent to any after ball game dash ....

so there we are inching along.. mother in the fron seat, me in the back crammed with girlfriend and friends...

mom... being a jolly ole lady gives the peace sign to a van full of college guys beside us as they yelled to and fro...

so one guy notices and then proceeds to moon mom... and I get the wild idea that she should wave a dollar at the guy as if paying a stripper for her dance....so I give her a dollar and she takes it a notch above and jumps out... runs over to the van with partially open window and fully exposed butthole of unexpected college guy... and pokes it right in his pucker... not in... but as soon as she pokes it... dude freaked and clenched and retracted said dollar from my mothers grasp...

she jumped back in her seat and off we went ... hysterically laughing...





Next!

ha..) nice_

I was once peed on by a tiger.

:1orglaugh:1orglaugh that's awesome

Watersports!
be honest, did it turn you on?
we won't tell.

Lol, are you for real??

Care to explain better??

Sadly, yes and my sister used it for years as her 'if you don't do what I want I will tell people about it' story. So, I started to tell people about it nearly right after we became friends so she couldn't blackmail me.

I was about 13 or so and a tiger at the Philly zoo had babies and they had just gone on display. Now, at the time, the inside portion of the tiger house was just bars rather than plastic with holes in it. My mom is a science teacher and so got some deal to go to the first few days of the babies being on display. So, she let me take a friend from school and she took me and my sister. My friend and I joined the line of people that were just walking along the bars to look at the baby tigers. When it was my turn to be in front of them, the mother tiger backed up to the bars, put her tail up and pissed right on me..I got the full stream.

Not only was that amazingly embarassing but I was wearing a white shorts set. I have never been able to live it down. I never wore that outfit again either.

The never ending story...The night two friends squewered me on the biggest
friggin cactus I never did see:helpme

I was pickin cactus spines out of my body for two weeks:Oh crap

The day I proposed to my wife. We were in the garden one rainy afternoon. It was just to perfect but as we were about to kiss a frog jumped infront of us.

hehe nice

I received a concussion...from sneezing...
have you ever had one of those violent sneezes that just rattles your whole body? I had one while standing at a urinal and smashed my forehead on the flusher....bloodied my forehead, knocked me out for about 2 minutes and gave me a concussion...

:1orglaugh:1orglaugh and now a life of porn! lol

That must of really sucked:Oh crap

It may just have been the turning point.

haha, this is a great thread:)

my sister told me about a time she was at the zoo with her bf. they were standing in front of the monkey exhibit and it was pretty empty so her bf starts kissing her and touching her. she said she looked up and saw this monkey watching them intently, and he started masturbating. next thing she saw this big white stream shoot up from the monkey's dick...he got off from watching them makeout!

in other news...i ate acid and walked around las vegas this past weekend. damn, that was a wild ride! if there was an olympics for doing things when you're fucked up, i woulda taken home the gold medal

here is one from me:

We (me, my wife, my mother in law and my grandma in law who were visiting us from Indonesia) were walking at this Chinese Supermarket square from our car to the store.
I walked in front, and accidentally farted. After I realized that, I walked slightly faster.
Then the ladies got to where i was, and my mother in law shouted ( in our language)" hm, this store smells like shit!"

I laughed so hard inside i almost peed, and I couldn't LOL, afraid that she would find out.

After they left home weeks later, I finally told my wife about it and asked her not to tell her mom. She too laughed so hard.

To this day, every time we passed that store, she and I have this inside joke.
It was funny in its own way.

good one :upsidedow

I went a Vegas a few years back with a buddy, his gf and her friend, who was kind of supposed to be for me. Turns out this girl was a cold blooded. I took it as a challenge and kept working on it, but even my buddy's girl said she's like that. So I kept going......and drinking. After a few random drinks and 2 of the mega cups of 190 Octane from the Fat Tuesday's in the Aladin mall, I said to her, pretty loud, "Are we gonna fuck or what?" I don't remember saying this, but apparently it was loud enough to attract the attention from everyone in the mall within a 50 ft radius.

Oh and btw, if any of you were wondering, I didn't get any. :(

:1orglaugh:1orglaugh

virgin:winkwink:

You guys, I'm so full of stories like that it would takes ages for me to write down. But I dont mind telling them in person. So get your asses over to WMA Amsterdam, buy me a beer and I promise you'll laugh your ass off.

I'm not going this year :(

Growing up in Orlando, there's a rite of manhood called "Beers around the World," where one is expected to spend the day at Epcot Center on his 21st year, and throughout the course of the day, stop at every Pavilion, drink one beer at each, and then move on to the next.

For my rite, I went with a couple of friends (also 21) on one hot summer day, and we started in 'Canada' (ordered a Molson)... planning to make our way around the world. Our second stop was at the Rose & Crown Pub in the 'UK'... and I noticed that they sold beers not only by the pint, but by the half-yard, and full yard.

"We're tougher than your average Floridian," I said, "so I offer that at the end of the day - after we've downed a beer from every country - we come back here and cap it off by each downing a yard of Bass Ale!"

We were all young and invincible, so it sounded like a good idea at the time. My friends were in agreement.

The day was pretty hot - even for Florida, but we managed to make it through with only moderate booting... we hadn't yet learned the value of infusing lots of water on a hot day during which you're doing lots of drinking. In retrospect, I think it was this day that drilled the importance of that fact into my head.

The day was done. We had somehow stumbled our way around the Epcot Pavilion center, each a bit tipsy from the journey... and we found ourselves back at the Rose & Crown.

I felt it was time to request the bartender pour us each a yard of Ale, but my friends - all looking kinda worn at this point - wanted none of it.

"Bah," I said... and then asked to barkeep to pour me a full yard of Bass Ale.

I put the yard-glass to my lips, and started downing the glass... my friends stood up and started chanting "Chug... Chug... Chug..." and then those surrounding me did the same... in my drunken mind's eye the entire tavern was on their feet chanting 'Chug... Chug... Chug..." and I did. I started rotating the yard-glass right on time, and the bubble popped and spun down into my mouth... it was a perfect yard-glass chug execution... the tavern went wild...

And then I set down the yard-glass on my stool... for balance... a bit glossy-eyed, and I'm sure - though seemingly unnoticed by everyone around me - turning a shade of green.

The cheers died down, and everyone went back to their business... it was then that one of my friends noticed how I was looking...

"D... you ok?" he asked.

"Nope," I said... and then promptly filed the yard-glass back up with my own personal mixture of the day's fare.

But there was still more coming, and no where to put it.... so I cupped my hands hard over my mouth, and ran for the bathroom...

However the pressure that my diaphragm was exerting was too great... and the product that my body was pushing out found exit though the gaps between my fingers... spraying like a water-sprinkler as I ran through the crowd to the sanctity of the lavatory.

I spent some time in the bathroom... took my shirt off, and ran it under the faucet... there was vomit all over it.... people kept coming in and giving me that look that said, "wtf?"

I returned to the bar 10-or-so minutes later, noticing that the crowd had thinned a bit, sat down and ordered a pint of Bass.

I cracked a couple ribs doing that.

Worked at a pizza place, and was carrying a load of pizza tins. Flour in the air caused me to sneeze, pulling them against my ribs.

some funny stories

You dont want to hear about my Last men Standing Bar story :Oh crap

Funny ass stories

lol, my dog pissed on me once when I was sleeping on the floor, he was a puppy and just pissed all over my back

sure are :1orglaugh