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What would MSNBC's Hardball look like?

Transcript: Hardball on MSNBC, with hosts Keith Olbermann and Chris Matthews.

Airdate: Sept. 30, 2009

Main Titles.

SFX theme: ?He Lifts Us All Up to Face the Glorious Future?

CHRIS MATTHEWS: Welcome, everyone, to today?s edition of Hardball. My co-host as always is the dedicated and loyal party leader Keith Olbermann. Keith, good evening!
KEITH OLBERMANN: Smash the reactionary forces of opposition!
CHRIS MATTHEWS: Thank you, Keith, for that inspiring reading of Our Wonderful One?s message of the day. Truly, we are blessed to have such a far-seeing Leader. But let?s get started. Today, House Republicans again voted against one of His progressive plans to lead us all into a more glorious future. All six House Republicans and the one sole Senate Republican, Joe Lieberman of Connecticut, voted against ? against! can you believe it? ? the Magnificence of His Budget Outline for 2010. Incredible, huh?
KEITH OLBERMANN: Smash the reactionary forces of opposition!
CHRIS MATTHEWS: Thanks, Keith. Great comment. I agree with you, by the way. With us now is Sally Quinn, political columnist for Newsweek and the Washington Post. Sally, what do you make of this extraordinary act of treachery and disloyalty to a man who is delivering unto us a bright and glorious future?
SALLY QUINN: Well, Chris, as you know, I was an early leader in the struggle against those who struggle against His Grace, and so I frankly am not surprised by this kind of rearguard backsliding by some who would prefer to be lickspittles of the far Right. Honestly, though, what I really am is sad ? I?m sad that the seven remaining Republicans in the federal government are refusing to . . . to . . .
CHRIS MATTHEWS: Drink the Kool-Aid?
SALLY QUINN: I wouldn?t use those terms.
CHRIS MATTHEWS: No! No, no, of course not. I didn?t mean that in the way that I think you may have understood me. I don?t mean drink the Kool-Aid like it?s a bad kind of Kool-Aid. I mean, drink it because it?s cool and sweet, and the weather these days is so hot and dry, and your throat is scratchy and parched, and a sweet, sweet, cool, wet sip of Kool-Aid would really hit the spot. Drink it because it?s good, you know? Good for you. You?ll take a long sip, feel drowsy, maybe take a restful nap, and wake up reborn in a world with no fear, no pain, no loneliness. Just the oneness of His Powerful Movement for Change. Wouldn?t that be nice? Why do the Republicans resist this?
KEITH OLBERMANN: Smash the reactionary forces of opposition!
CHRIS MATTHEWS: Thanks again, Keith. Anyway, Sally Quinn, great to see you as always. Long live our Wonderful Guide and Helmsman!
SALLY QUINN: Long live our Wonderful Guide and Helmsman, Chris.
CHRIS MATTHEWS: Our next guest is Time magazine?s Joe Klein, who has written a powerfully critical and slashing piece in the recent issue, going for the jugular against the Dear President in a way that, frankly, I felt was over the line. Joe, why do you hate a man who has brought us so much?
JOE KLEIN: Well, Chris, let me first take issue with your characterization of my piece. It wasn?t really all that tough ?
CHRIS MATTHEWS: It wasn?t? How do you figure that?
JOE KLEIN: Well, the piece was headlined ?Is Barack Obama Too Wonderful to be President?? and in it I suggest that ?
CHRIS MATTHEWS: You don?t think that?s insulting? Is he too wonderful? When you know in your heart that he?s just wonderful enough?
JOE KLEIN: If you?ll let me finish, Chris, what I was going to say was that this wasn?t a criticism of Obama ?
CHRIS MATTHEWS: Obama? You can?t even bring yourself to call the man by his legal title?
JOE KLEIN: I?m sorry ? Father, President, Teacher, Healer, Man of Unity, Leader of All True Americans Barack Obama ? anyway, the piece wasn?t a criticism of Him per se, but of the office of the presidency.
CHRIS MATTHEWS: What?s the difference?
JOE KLEIN: Well, I mean, the office is designed to have limited powers.
CHRIS MATTHEWS: For now, yes.
JOE KLEIN: And that?s all I was saying.
CHRIS MATTHEWS: Don?t you love our Guide and FatherMother?
JOE KLEIN: Of course, Chris. Don?t question my devotion, okay? I mean, I?m here on MSNBC, right?
CHRIS MATTHEWS: Then say it. Say it. Go ahead and say you love Him.
JOE KLEIN: I will not be bullied, Chris.
CHRIS MATTHEWS: Well, Joe, as much as I love you and respect your fantastic career as a writer and thinker, I?m afraid you leave me no choice but to denounce you.
JOE KLEIN: Chris, with respect: Get some help.
CHRIS MATTHEWS: Keith?
KEITH OLBERMANN: Smash the reactionary forces of opposition!
CHRIS MATTHEWS: Thanks. That?s all we have time for tonight. Good night, everybody. And long live our Wonderful Guide and Helmsman! Take us out, Keith!
KEITH OLBERMANN: Smash the reactionary forces of opposition!

(By Rob Long)

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