How to deal with a financially irresponsible parent?
 

hello, i have a problem and am looking for advice on how to best handle this situation.

my mother has trouble paying her bills and just got her car repo'd a second time. i will have to drive her to and from work and pay to retrieve her car. she needs to keep her job.

she had her hips replaced in august. she claims her medical bills is what puts her behind. she has a simple life - just a track phone, no cable, no internet and keeps her heat down.

one issue with her life is she has too much shit everywhere being a hoarder.

she did not contact me both times she was behind on her car. maybe her pride got in the way?

she needs an infusion of capital to regain her footing. if i am going to invest in her failed business model, what should i demand out of the deal? her finance books to manage her money? ownership of all her crap so i can throw it away? if i do take over her finances then she will be become dependent on me for money like a child and thats not something i am looking forward to.

the best deal in this situations is - NO DEAL

Dont expect it back.......

It's your mom man so you gotta do something....If you are going to infuse some cash, I advise that you just pay the people that need to be paid instead of her.

best answer and tell her this is the last time

give her small payments so she feels some pain if she blows it on something stupid, but can never get in too much trouble since the next payment is coming up soon.

It sounds like she simply isn't making enough money? Maybe she should consider different living arrangements... a cheaper place or a roommate. It may sound funny to have a roommate at that age but if she can find another single woman around her age it may work out for both of them... a little companionship, cheaper living, and better safety.

I would do anything for my Mom. Use your best judgement and do what you can to help her get her footing.

funny! exactly what goes threw my mind! :1orglaugh

You got it, I don't know how much you'll have to put out but she did give you life so you hav to help.



:thumbsup

that's an interesting idea i have not thought of.

in order to find out if she is not making enough money i will have to look at her books and go about managing her income/expenses.

i didnt expect to have to take care of a parent so soon in my life.

Take her to Dr. Phil.

tough to say without knowing her... i definitely wouldnt give her a lump sum of cash though... you need to sit down with her and figure out where her money is going and what she can actually afford.

then figure out a way to lower her costs, and in the mean time help her out with some cash little by little and make sure it's getting spent where it needs to.

I agree. Sit down with her and do a budget. Find out what she has coming in and what is going out. Then put her on a strict budget. I would even go so far as to take control of her main bills. Tell her she has to give you X amount of dollars from each check and you will pay the bills for her to make sure they are kept up to date. She might have to swallow her pride so be nice about it, just tell her you want to help and this is the easiest way to do it.

If you just give her a bunch of cash it sounds like she will be right back asking for money in a few months.

Maybe she can start submitting gals?

I wonder if I can be a financially irresponsible parent so someone can come by and bail me out too...

Me <3 cash infusions!

Take all her money and manage it for her....

don't be too critical of her, some people just are terrible with money and they are like their own worst enemy yet they can't help it, it's your choice to help her or not, but don't make her feel guilty or anything as she probably can't help it as it is deeply a part of her personality

:2 cents:

was she a good mother growing up? if so help her out with no questions asked after all she did give you a good life but if she gave you a shitty child hood then dont help her :)

I agree with that, but also to the extent that if it wouldn't hurt me financially, I'd probably help her even if she made mistakes in my childhood too...... help her no matter what if it is no real skin off your nose, you don't have to give her a luxury lifestyle, but making sure she is ok should probably go without saying

I'd say either have her do a site (provide content), or at least a few blowjobs per week under your desk. Depends on the amount of capital, IMO. :2 cents:

ya, she knows she fucked up. she broke down crying, not out of attention but out of stress and shame. not a fun sight to see. it's important to build and move forward, not criticize the past. it's also important not to repeat mistakes.

a lot of people suggest that i manage her bills or income. thanks for the support. that seems to be the obvious next step to get her shit straightened out.

you said she has a simple life - just a track phone, no cable, no internet and keeps her heat down.
so why are you assuming she is financially irresponsible.the person you described above doesnt sound like that.
medical bills can be a bear and if they are putting pressure on her.most dont realize they can say this is what i can pay you fuck off.
you said she claims do you not trust her for some reason?

:Oh crap:1orglaugh

Boy... your the epitome of a good son aren't you? Posting your mothers dirty laundry on an adult webmaster board and calling her a child. She obviously failed at teaching you basic respect... Parents are real people who make mistakes... the way to handle it isn't to catch an attitude like the one you have and that is for certain. You should be ashamed of yourself for talking about your mother like that... You should help her get her shit together with love and respect... and the best way to do that is to be a model of how to do it. If you have kids I guarantee you will get what you sew.

I wonder how fucked in the head you are to even suggest someone have their mom suck their dick under the desk... :1orglaugh:1orglaugh

:1orglaugh:1orglaugh:1orglaugh

ok thats just sick dude did you read that he was talking about his mom :Oh crap:1orglaugh

Just help her,karma

You said something about a failed business model, so I presume she runs a business of some sort. Is this a business that you can improve upon and then let her run with it from there?

no clue, when i read things lik,e this i am glad my mom was and is such a responsible person in her life and tried her best to pass that on to me.

good luck, everyting is gonna work out man.

If it were me, personally, I would go to an adult industry message board full of pornographers and hangers-on and tell them all kinds of demeaning things about my mother, and ask them what they thought I should do.

:1orglaugh:1orglaugh:1orglaugh:disgust

buy her a cheap car...if she cant afford the new one..take it back and buy a used one.

My mother was always too proud to EVER outright ask for money help. When I'd visit her, I'd ask my brother who lived with her and he'd go get me the bills. I'd pay them in full so she was not playing the evil "minimum payment" game. I'd give her cash too because lets face it, mom raised 6 kids and did so much of it alone after my father had passed away young. There was nothing I wouldnt have done to help her.

If I had a chance to, I'd spreadsheet everything, break it down by week and even by day and show it to her. Chop up credit cards and prioritise the ones that need to be paid faster because of penalties/interest. Shit like that. Common sense when you have a clear head. Maybe your mother just isn't keeping track closely so it slips her mind and before you know it, it's repo time. Good luck.

OH yeah, hoarding too is a real serious issue. You should take a few big plastic bins and start sorting.. KEEP, UNSURE, TRASH and start one room/box/pile at a time.

LOL I'm pretty sure that it was a metaphor referencing the bank and auto industries...

dude, even attempting to throw away something as silly as her collection of rubber bands is like pulling teeth. she told me she may need a lot of them at some point. she has boxes of empty containers. she has so much stuff there is only a path that leads from the front door to the kitchen sink.

some people have criticized me for using language with shows a lack of respect towards her. i apologize for that. i just get terribly frustrated with her sometimes.

hopefully her car will be back by thursday.

The kind of reply I had in mind. Jesus man, everyone here really is a hardcore asshole. My mother would be living with me if that is what it came to. It is afterall, your mother..

Tha is a hard sittuation...hope everything gets alright..

so did you find out why it happened?

The money is the least of your worries if she's a hoarder.

That's going to need someone to actually come in and help her make life changes.

There are people out there to help, so I'd do some looking in that direction as well.

dont invest any money into her shit.

just give her some cash every month for food/bills

Have you thought about getting her some professional help.It sounds like maybe something could be wrong with her.

she's fuckign batchit crazy, that's what happened.



my suggestion is to just throw all the shit away while she is gone somewhere.

pay the people that need to be paid directly instead

right :thumbsup

And just give her allowance monthly. Just give her the exact amount for her basic needs.