Melting Ice Caps Expose Hundreds Of Secret Arctic Lairs
 

ZACKENBERG RESEARCH STATION, GREENLAND?Claiming it to be one of the most dramatic and visible signs of climate change to date, researchers said Monday that receding polar ice caps have revealed nearly 200 clandestine lairs once buried deep beneath hundreds of feet of Arctic ice.

"We always assumed there would be some secret lairs here and there, but the sheer number now being exposed is indeed troubling," said noted climatologist Anders Lorenzen, who claimed that the Arctic ice caps have shrunk at the alarming rate of 41,000 square miles per year. "In August alone we discovered 44 mad scientist laboratories, three highly classified military compounds, and seven reanimated and very confused cavemen. That's more than twice the number we had found in the previous three decades combined."

"This is no longer conjecture," Lorenzen added. "This is a full-blown crisis."

According to oceanographers, the Arctic Circle has been devastated by the effects of global warming in recent years, threatening hundreds of men and women who use the frozen tundra as a place to conduct bizarre experiments in human-animal grafting, carry out massive government cover-ups, or simply as a hidden headquarters from which to battle the forces of evil and fight crime.

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lol I love the Onion

can anyone guess why greenland is called GREEN LAND?

no ones going to be laughing when they disturb the reptiles..

its no secret that the reptiles live in the oceans and under ground..

The name Greenland comes from Scandinavian settlers. In the Norse sagas, it is said that Erik the Red was exiled from Iceland for murder. He, along with his extended family and thralls (slaves), set out in ships to find the land that was rumored to be to the northwest. After settling there, he named the land Grønland ("Greenland"), possibly in order to attract more people to settle there. Greenland was also called Gruntland ("Ground-land") on early maps. Whether Green is an erroneous transcription of Grunt ("Ground"), which refers to shallow bays, or vice versa, is not known. It should also be noted, however, that the southern portion of Greenland (not covered by glacier) is indeed very green, at least in summer.

I guess he wanted people to come over there to "His" land, and "Greenland" sounds better than "Shithole-Land" for that purpose. And for someone comming from Iceland it's indeed an improvement :)

I check it often when I am down :thumbsup

Thank GOD Glen Beck beat Al Gore on that one. I would hate to be our children if CO2 were actually fucking up our environment. I think we can thank Frank Luntz for that one. It's all about labels. Stoopide Libruls tries to argue with silly things like information and science, rather that making clever jokes and posting sensational headlines on stupid websites.

It is much easier to laugh about making this planet uninhabitable for our own species than it is to examine what we are actually doing to it. That would be such a drag. I like Styrofoam.

Thankfully Jebus is going to return and save us all. Except for you silly Moslems and fornicators.

Must love The Onion :1orglaugh

the onion never stops making me lol

Did they already find Hitler?

But no mention of the Fortress of Solitude?