True story that happened yesterday
 

I'm walking into a convenience store here in Gimli looking for a movie and watch some kid shoplift a movie case. Now I think no one can be that dumb, as the DVD isn't in the case, but I know the owners so i tell them and sure as shit doesn't the guy leap over the counter and chase the kid down the street. The kid's a runner and the owner is in shape too so they bother start booking down the street at high speed one after the other. Of course it's a scam cause as soon as the owner took off after him 3 kids quicky and quietly pile into the store with empty duffle bags. They're all about 15 and I'm there left in the store wondering if I should defend it or not. the kids don't know me so they just assume I'm a dumb customer who doesn't know the owner and they proceed to start stuffing all the cigarettes and DVDs and lotto tickets into their bags. Stupid me in a situation like this starts thinking right away why the fuck would these idiots take traceable lotto tickets. Then i realize there is a few video cameras in the place and these fools don't have masks on. Now I'm a big guy and after owning a bar I cab COMMAND a presence, so I grab one kid and toss him against the wall like a rag doll flattening him and holler out in a deep forceful voice 'fucking thieves are gona die' . I go for the second one and he drops his bag and bolts for the door. The third kid behind the counter reaches down under the cash register into the deli meat section and take a butcher knife. I feel the adrenaline pump into my veins and quickly look around for a weapon but realize I can't fight a butcher knife with potato chip carton. So I calmly say straight in his eyes as he moves forward on me "I'm gona take that knife off you and slice your but check off with it" without a second's hesitation and no fear at all in me. I can see this scares him but the situation dictates he has to go though me to get to the door to get out so he's basically a caged rat. He friend I tossed gets up now, really shaken and starts to panic says they have to get out of there. The other kid drops the knife and they both run, leaving their half filled bags. Of course a moment later the store owner comes back , out of breath having not caught the kid , and sees the pace wrecked and only me in there. Before I open my mouth he screams WHAT THE FUCK, THAT"s IT and goes for where I know he keeps his gun. I get the fuck out of there as fast as I can, leaving my car in the front of the place. I don't know were to go in a panic so i just start walking around the town, worried the store owner before he cools down will come to my house for me. I realize as I calm down there was cameras and he'll figgure it out in a bit but till then I don't want to get killed. Suddenly as I walk by a house I feel a joilt of pain go right though me. I've been tazerd by the police. Seems as I'm a big guy they were too afraid to confront me so they just zapped me without any questions. I have high blood pressure so the zap caused me a mild heart attack. I blacked out and woke up in the local jail in a lot of pain. Minutes after I wake up I'm hauled into an interrogation room with a cop that keeps pushing a pen and paper in front of me asking for a confession. I look at him like he's in drugs and he keeps saying they know all about me and there's no way out of this now. I calmly mention the video camera and sternly refer to him as a dumbass. He tells me the camera were off, conveniently turned off an hour or so before the robbery and demands to know my whereabouts at that time. I 've had enough, and shake my head in disbelief. He gets aggressive telling me about jail and what will happen to me. This doesn't scare me at all, all my old clients from the bar and in and out of jail her all the time and run the place and love me. Anyway he slaps me and after everything I've had it. The cop is a punny 180 so I grab him by the neck and let him know i'm in controll of him. 3 cops bust into the room, all typical tiny guys and it's a brawl. I throw one into the three and grab a chair. I don't advance but i demand to see the commander but demanding anything from cops isn't exactly smart. They beat me down and I wake up again in my cell covered in blood a few hours later. Apparently I'm being charged with a host of things including assaulting several policed officers and robbery. They keep going on about the pornography thing and how they know everything. I demand my lawyer so they let me have a phone call and an hour later he shows up with all my friends and family and we have a big happy birthday party for my cousin in the jail. So at what point in the story did you realize this was all bullshit and not real at all?

eliteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee



line breakkkk yooo heheheheeh



Skuftyyyyyyyyyy

Bored Sleazy?

waiting for an upload.....

Ah. Good story though. I was actually believing it.

When you said you jumped the cops I knew. Funny :)

I will be honest you had me ..... but between the Tazzer and Beating down the small cops I was in GREAT DisBelief :)

Look like you have a Superman complex too!

when you said you grabbed the cop by the neck i realised it's not real. you wouldn't be that stupid to assault a cop. good story tho!

I don't feel like reading all that, someone please cliff note it

i read the whole thing, lmao!

When you didn't eat the potatoe chips

i caught on at the heart attack..lol

Fuck dude, that's not a lot of text, but learn to hit enter every once and a while...

heheh good one

You lost me at ... "walking into a convenience store"


.

thats about right:winkwink:

Mmmm, looks boring...

Diabetes induced rant...

Next time, use enter button, please!

who wants to read that shit.. use line breaks..and stop snitching

idiot :2 cents:

I stopped believing it at, "So at what point in the story did you realize this was all bullshit and not real at all?"

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when u said u were walking

:1orglaugh:1orglaugh:thumbsup:thumbsup

I still believe it.

why do you think the whole store was in such a mess..... LOL

"Now I'm a big guy and after owning a bar I cab COMMAND a presence"

at the thread title

About the time you said you were going to cut his buttcheek off...

I knew then that it wasnt you. Not saying youre a coward, but as youve said in the past,
youre not one to risk your shit(especially your life) for someoneelse's business.

If there were line breaks then the BS detector would have gone off much sooner. :) You can't pull off a Fresh Prince with line breaks...

thank you - finally someone with a brain :2 cents:

i knew it was fake when you claimed you got physical with one.

keyboard warriors never get physical

;-)))))

Was it that 'walking' part that gave him away?

haha great story :)

:2 cents: !!

Same. Feeling the need to say "true story" in the title immediately made me wonder what you'd made up this time.

Holy no line breaks batman......im out lol

true was the word killing it.
as in the title and the author.

At this point I starting thinking it's a lie:

"The third kid behind the counter reaches down under the cash register into the deli meat section and take a butcher knife."

most people don't bother with the B/S confession at the end. You could have milked that party in prison scene for another paragraph, and infiltrated the womens prison, got some ladies pregnant, had some kids, pay support to women in prison..

:1orglaugh

I was at the grocery last week and as I'm loading my shit in the car these two kids come running past with a plastic jug of booze in each hand and behind them is the store security guard screaming at them and chasing.

One books left, one books right and runs right past me.

After 100 yards or so the security guard gives up and as he's walking back past me he says, "Why didn't you stop that kid?"

My answer: "What the fuck makes you think I'm on your side?"

dude - i owned a bar for a year and a 1/2 that had the roughest crowd in my city and kept it under total control. that wasn't out of character :2 cents:

Gimli Facts

* population: 2000

:thumbsup

wall of text

as if anyone is going to read that.