Worst possible date ever!!!!!!!!!!!!
 

Alright...I don't care if you guys believe me ... it's real. This is the the most embarrassing thing that I've ever experienced... it was a horrible night for me..I have added MS paint images so that you have a better idea as to what happened. It's very long, but I'll do my best to recount all of the important details. no fucking cliffs..... read it to save yourself from something like this...

I called up this Asian girl I met and asked her if she wanted to take a break from studying and meet me for coffee. Well she said yes, and we met at a campus cafe. We had some small talk, and it went well overall. After that she said "hey my roommate is making some Chinese food for dinner because her boyfriend is over, would you like to come by and try some? she usually makes way more than needed". Now at that point I felt like I had to take a sh!t, but there was no way I could turn down this opportunity; it seemed like she was into me and this would be a great opportunity to get to know each other further. So I decided to try and hold my crap as long as possible (I don't crap in public toilets) and accept her invitation.

Well we went back to her place, had some food (very good btw)... and fuck... I had to take take a shit really badly... and I also had to take a piss really badly (I had been holding that too since I didn't bring my pee bottles with me to the date)... I really didn't want to use her washroom because I didn't want stink the place up... but it became so unbearable to the point where I could feel the turd popping out of my rectum.. to make matters worse I was actually starting to get an erection (I'm not sure why.. but that's what happened). So I rushed to the washroom... and thus begins the worst possible scenario imaginable.





I pull down my pants step up to the toilet and I am then faced with an ominous predicament; I have to extremely badly take BOTH a pee AND a POO.... AND I have an erection.... what the fuck do I do? Which do I do first??



http://i586.photobucket.com/albums/s...drax/fuuu1.jpg


So I bend over and try to push my erected penis down a bit to pee into the can... but as I relax my pelvic floor muscles to release the urine.. I feel my turd start to come out at the same time!

http://i586.photobucket.com/albums/s...rax/fuuuu2.jpg



So then I'm like "fuck this... I'll just try and hold the pee and let the poo come out"... so I sit on the can... grasp my penis hard to try and "block" it... and I then tried to let the crap come out....that didn't work so well...

As I relaxed my anal sphincters... my pelvic floor muscles relaxed as well and piss started flying all over the floor... I started panicking at this point... so I desperately held my crap again, while I attempted to shove/bend my erect penis into the toilet. Once it was in... I tried take the piss and crap at the same time, but my ass was too far out and this massive turd started flying out missing the bowl, landing partially on the back rim and partially on the floor.


http://i586.photobucket.com/albums/s...ax/fuuuuuu.jpg


http://i586.photobucket.com/albums/s...rax/fuuuu3.jpg




I then closed everything off again (you can't imagine the pain of repeatedly blocking yourself from peeing and pooing when you have go so badly)... wtf was I supposed to do? I either pee on her floor or poo on her floor....then out of sheer desperation and instinct an idea popped into my head:

http://i586.photobucket.com/albums/s...rax/fuuuu4.jpg


http://i586.photobucket.com/albums/s...drax/fuuu5.jpg


I ran into her bathtub and let myself go there... I figured that at least this way I could rinse it all down instead of getting sh!t on her floor....

http://i586.photobucket.com/albums/s...drax/fuuu6.jpg






At that point things get even worse...


http://i586.photobucket.com/albums/s...drax/fuuu7.jpg


The turd wouldn't ****ing dissolve... and the damn bish was asking me wtf I'm doing showering in her washroom....

I then answer "yea lol... I'm showering... is that ok?"...

she says: what the hell? why?? you don't think we're having sex do you???

At this point I can't even think straight and I jokingly (retardedly) say: yes we are lol

she then gets mad and says: wtf? is this some kind of joke... get out of there!!

I say: no please don't come in... I'm not done yet...

At this point the hot water I was using to try and dissolve my sh!t was releasing sh!t smelling vapours all over the room.. and it was pretty rancid... the girl could smell it and she said: "why the hell does it smell so fucking bad? What the hell are you doing in there???"

I say: please don't come in... trust me.. you'll regret it...

she says: **** this... get out now or I'm unlocking the door..

I beg her not too... but she loses her patience and then opens the door. She stops dead in her tracks. There before her was me standing with a pseudo-erect penis, left over fecal residue on my ass,large semi dissolved turds in her bathtub, turds on the floor beside her toilet, and pee all over the floor in front of the can... I was so fucking embarrass... I started shivering... she looks at me while covering her mouth and nose and whispers... "wtf did you do???"...she was starting to cry... I hesitate for a bit and I try to explain myself "I tried my best ... I... I'm sorry"... She then flips out and tells me to clean up the mess or she's calling the cops. I agree to do it.

She leaves, and I grab some toilet paper... pick up the turds from the floor and bathtub, toss them in the can, and then I proceed to clean off the floor and bathtub with soap, water and a lot of tissues. I tossed most of the tissues into her toilet bowl (the garbage was full eventually). I then took some perfume from the counter and tossed into the bathtub to get rid of odor. After I was done I cleaned my ass off and flushed the toilet. To my utmost dismay, my massive fecal matter bulk and the large amount of TP ended up clogging the toilet and it overflowed and started spilling crap all over the floor... I'm literally crying at that point... I look for the plunger but I couldn't find it so I put my pants on and rushed out to ask her if she had a plunger so I could fix the toilet...I see her with her roommate and her roommates bf... she's crying... as soon as she sees me she tells me to gtfo right now... I try to explain that the toilet is clogged... but she doesn't let me ... she says she feels threatened and she wants me out now... she grabs a knife from the drawer and tells me to leave... I leave.

about a minute later I hear this loud scream coming from her dorm room (I assumed she went back to the washroom to see it covered in poo water). At that point I sprinted away as fast as possible, while swearing at myself and crying tears of frustration and embarrassment.



All of this could have fucking been prevented if I had just brought my goddamn pee bottles!!! WTF?!?! The FIRST girl that shows interest in me.. I have to go and **** in her bathtub???? This is fucking retarded (yes mad).

to all you people saying "peeing in bottles is stupid/gross"... well **** that... not only is it more convenient and cleaner, but it also prevents epic disasters like this one....

This is what WOULD have happened if I had my trustee pee bottle... I would have on sat on the can and then simultaneously peed into the bottle and pooed into the toilet. No disaster... no mess.... and none of this would have happened.


anyway... should I let things cool off for a bit and call her back? maybe to apologize/explain myself? or should i just hope I never run into her again?

:eek7:eek7

thats weird shit... indeed, I feel with you :Oh crap
The pics are funny stuff, Paint is one of the best programs ever.

funny, i read that story about 9 years ago. was that the last time you went on a date?

Fuck, on this message board there is always that one loser nerd who's seen every video, funny pic & story. :1orglaugh

Pee bottles? ...............

.

Well dude..i'm speechless..i1m sorry to hear that!

Wow, crazy story!
this thread deserves a "thread of the year award" :)

True or not,that was a really funny story :1orglaugh

I enjoyed the pictures

shit happens

well. on the message board, where it was originally posted, it is already "thread of the year" and it looks that its true as the poster is a bit retarded....

I din't read it, I just skipped right to the picture presentation. I'm still wondering WTF!

+1
Laughed my ass off! :upsidedow

Pee bottles!!!

You need to get over not using public bathrooms.

:1orglaugh:mad:

:1orglaugh at the pics :)

Fuck i laughed so hard i actually shed a tear lol

pee bottles.... that's a new one.

LOL :thumbsup

:thumbsup

fucking hilarious!!!

(Oh, notice I did not copy and paste my response from somewhere else as the word fuck does not look like ****)

funny read though!

looooool

move to Antarctica, fast!

Whomever thought that up and wrote it......must have some issues hehehee :) Funny story nonetheless!

It is joke

DOH!!!


Um. errr.. wow.

It was funny but to far fetched. who the fuck would pee in a bottle. i have to do it at work sometimes because i refuse to pee in a bathtub that is already loaded with water knowing someone may have to stick his hand in there to get out nails or screws. One time i forgot to cap the bottle and when i went to throw it in the dumpster after my release i noticed a bum was digging for garbage un beknownst to him that a bottle of piss was about to land on him. side note. try peeing in a small water bottle on stilts and not getting any on you. the pee hole barely fits on the inside of the bottle. you have to hold it away just enough to let air get out, then as you pee, the bottle starts to get real warm and it kinda makes you horny in a sick way cuz your feeling something warm in your hand, and that in turn makes you pee more just cuz its like having your hand in warm water. The worst is if you accidentaly spill someone elses pee that has been fermenting for days. sometimes i will purposely knock that bottle over in hopes that the next guy that walks in will have to do his job in there and i can sit there and laugh at him and claim that it was like that when i walked in. or stir up the tub filled with pee water. thats another good one. ever now and then someone has to shit in a bucket at the job site and use he shirt sleeve as shit tickets. its quite amusing to see a guy walking around with a one sleeved shirt!

shit happens...

This made me LOL

:1orglaugh:1orglaugh

I sent it to a friend of mine that also does not use public restrooms, and all he said was "amen" to that part.

Thread of the year!

Kick ass!

Lol,that story always cracks me up

Wow... I laughed so hard I was crying myself.

http://www.briefrelief.com/:thumbsup

:1orglaugh:1orglaugh:1orglaugh:1orglaugh:1orglaugh

those pictures are awesome

the traffic to the original forum, where it was originally posted, is slowly going up, but it must skyrocketed yesterday and today, the original thread has 0.75 milion views in few days:
http://i447.photobucket.com/albums/q.../BBtraffic.jpg

this story is going global now...poor guy :helpme

:1orglaugh:1orglaugh:1orglaugh

omg :eek2
don`t call her again lol change ur name, do a cosmetic surgery, ruuuun lol

funny thread and great pix :1orglaugh

updated gif version of what happened:

http://g.imagehost.org/0715/The_worst_date_ever.gif
:1orglaugh

wtf is a pee bottle???

Moral of the story : shit in public bathrooms if you are already at holding it in stage

Not sure if this is true or not but if it is true, that's seriously fucked up dude. :Oh crap

And the girl was starting to cry? :1orglaugh WTF??

No man. Do not call her back.

damn the gif fantastic :thumbsup

[QUOTE=teomaxxx;16652515].... it looks that its true as the poster is a bit retarded....[/QUOTE

found out another interesting topic from the same author

full version here:
http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showth...hp?t=118669751

best part:

Yes I made a sex doll years ago out of articles of clothing during a christmas break.
Yes I taped pictures of faces from magazines onto the doll and i would change the faces for variety
Yes i put perfume on it
Yes I fapped with it
Yes i piss in bottles and toss them on buildings
Yes i did/do other unique things that I won't mention here

picture of his sex doll
http://i586.photobucket.com/albums/s...5wtfyh0010.jpg
:1orglaugh:1orglaugh

O m G !