50 Most Common Mistakes Women Make When Having Sex

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  • minusonebit
    So Fucking Banned
    • Feb 2006
    • 7391

    #1

    50 Most Common Mistakes Women Make When Having Sex

    Wee, this should be fun. :-)

    The Politics of Fucking aka 50 Mistakes Women Make When Having Sex

    1. Assuming he can get a raging hard on when it suits you. Contrary to popular belief, men can't just flip a switch and get it up because you decided to stop being a frigid bitch. Getting it hard is your job. I suggest you figure it out.

    2. Thinking that kissing needs to be this sweet romantic thing all the time. Sometimes pressing your lips against your partners mouth while you get off is the hot. It depends on the situation.

    3. Leaving him responsible for your orgasm. You know what gets you off. Tell him. If you don't, it's your own fault when he's snoozing and you're all wound up.

    4. Expecting him to cuddle. Men and women are wired differently. Sex makes most women want to talk and bond and all that shit. It makes men pass out. It's a biological thing. Stop fighting it, and stop holding it over his head, it's not his fault.

    5. Expecting him to fall asleep with you in his arms. That shit is uncomfortable after awhile. A little snuggling isn't unreasonable, but when it's time to actually sleep? An arm draped over you should suffice.

    6. Expecting him to always lay on the charm and romance. Sometimes, that's nice. Sometimes. But expecting him to be all roses and candles all the time is like expecting you to act like a pornstar all the time. If you're not willing to do that, don't expect him to switch for you.

    7. Being selfish in bed. Regardless of the shit that Cosmo forces down our throats, sex is NOT just about us. Get over it.

    8. Using Cosmo as a sex bible. I dont know who comes up with half that shit, but I'm pretty sure they need counseling.

    9. Whining when he pushes your head down on his cock instead of stroking your hair. Know why he's pushing, skippy? Because you aren't doing it right, and have apparently ignored the other clues he's given you. Pay attention to the signals that he's sending you.

    10. Not moving at all. Missionary is not an excuse to do nothing.

    11. Expecting him to undress himself with any amount of grace. He's about to get some pussy. Be glad he bothered to take his pants all the way off. If it concerns you so much, undress him yourself.

    12. Not shaving your legs. Im pretty bad at this myself. But if you want your guy stubble free, you better get out the razor.

    13. Allowing your crotch to resemble the amazon. Yes, waxing hurts. Yes, some people don't want to go bare. Thats fine. If you like bush, great. If you have sensitive skin and can't shave, I feel for you. But for the love of Christ, trim that shit if you want him to spend any time down there.

    14. Assuming that sex means a relationship. The only relationship you have is that he has now stuck his hoo hoo dilly in your cha cha. That's as far as it goes unless otherwise noted.

    15. Withholding oral sex just because you're ragging. He didn't do it. Unless you want him to withhold oral sex because he's hormonal, I suggest you get some kneepads.

    16. Expecting him to figure out what you like by what noise you make. Use your words. Have you ever actually heard what you sound like while you're having sex? If you heard yourself on tape, and someone asked you to explain what was causing you to make that noise, 67% of women would respond with answers like "I stubbed my toe" "I ran up the steps" or "I was putting up drywall".

    17. Leaving condoms up to him. If you're sexually active and insist that he uses a condom, I suggest buying a box and keeping it by your bed. Not all men keep them on them, and it's just as much your responsibility as it is his. If you think that makes you a slut, you shouldn't be having sex anyway. Go back to Jr High.

    18. Getting your undies in a bunch when he talks dirty. A little fantasy can be fun. If he treats you with respect all the time, you shouldn't be offended when he calls you his dirty little slut. When he calls you a whore and tells you to come, its his way of showing that he cares if you get off. Stop being a sissy.

    19. Refusing to be spontaneous. I know this is shocking, but sometimes sex OUTSIDE of the bedroom is fun.

    20. Dissing quickies because it's not some slow sensual ordeal. Sex is a dynamic thing. Theres an awesome raw energy when you only have 20 minutes but having to have someone so bad that you do it half clothed against the wall. Readjust your thinking.

    21. Being too much of a pussy to tell him what is or isn't acceptable before you start bumping uglies. Be honest. If he asks if he can poke you in the butt, and you giggle and say no like it's an invitation, don't look surprised when he "accidentally" sticks his cock in your butt.

    22. Expecting him to undress you. I put a bra on almost every day. I know for a fact that getting them off isn't always easy. Help a brother out.

    23. Undressing in the dark. If youre shy, dim the lights, but give the man something to see. No ripping off the clothes and diving under the covers, either.

    24. Refusing to get on top. Theres no reason men should have to do all the work.

    25. Getting that bored look on your face. Men are more visual than women. Give him something to look at. Get on top and arch your back a little bit. Move. Do something to indicate that you 1) are not dead and 2) didn't suffer a minor stroke rendering you unable to move.

    26. Expecting him to do all the touching when you're riding him. It's your body, you're used to it. Play with your tits, rub your clit, do something to make his job easier.

    27. Being too afraid to guide your partner's hand when hes touching you. Don't like the way he's doing it? Gently take his hand and show him how you like it.

    28. Getting into bed, getting naked, fooling around and then deciding that you just want to cuddle, then getting offended when he doesn't. Its your choice to stop, but don't look all fucking surprised when he's confused. You got him naked in your bed, what else did you think was going to happen?

    29. Refusing to let him take control. So your a feminist. Big fucking deal. Letting him call the shots doesn't make you any less of one.

    30. Refusing to take control. Its ok to crawl across a bed to him on all fours, push him down and crawl on top. It's not his responsibility to start things all the time.

    31. Forgetting that he has a body that likes to be touched, too. Men have things like backs and shoulders and stomachs and other parts that are fun to kiss and touch. You miss a lot of good places by concentrating solely on his penis.

    32. Ignoring his balls. Seriously, they are there. Kiss them, lick them, suck on them, make a relationship with them, just don't ignore them.

    33. Leaving him to his own devices. Nothing is worse than a girl who gets you most of the way off and then bolts because she doesn't want to deal with the mess.

    34. Launching into some speech about not being an object for sex when he tries to titty fuck you. Jesus Christ, just push them together and enjoy yourself. You get a great view.

    35. Expecting him to handle you like a porcelain doll. I'd hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you're not going to break, sister. So doing it against the wall gives you a bruise on your shoulder. Look at it later and giggle at the memory.

    36. Refusing to try things in the name of "making love". You're not making anything. You are naked. With another person. Making strange faces and weird noises. Stop romanticizing it.

    37. Taking things way too seriously. Sex is funny. Actually it's hilarious. Somewhere along the line, someone is going to fall off of a bed, hit their head on a lighting fixture, accidentally kick a midget or trip over a goat. It's how you deal with it that really matters.

    38. Throwing a bitch fit when he asks for a 3 some. Its the American dream. (I know my ex is reading this right now, so a quick interjection. One request for a 3 some is ok. Every 5 minutes, not so much. Know the difference).

    39. Continuing a blow job knowing that you have god awful cotton mouth. Really. Grab a bottle of water.

    40. Nails. Its one thing tracing them up and down your partners back. Its another when you snag the goods with a claw.

    41. Bitching when you get jizz on you. You're having sex. That will happen. Thats the entire point of sex. Establish where he can and cant jizz and be done with it. Remember, it tightens the pores.

    42. Not making any noises at all. Moan. Scream his name. Something so he knows he's the best you've had, even if he isn't.

    43. Faking orgasms. Just. Don't. By faking (IF he believes you) he thinks he's doing everything right. And if he doesn't know its not working, he's not going to change it. Starting a vicious cycle of unfulfilling sex which will eventually be very damaging to his ego.

    44. Not washing before sex. I know that sex is spontaneous, this is more of a general statement. If you haven't showered that day, and things smell a little...fishy...perhaps demanding oral sex is a little ridiculous of you.

    45. Anything that involves inserting anything into his body that he has not specifically approved before hand. I don't care what Cosmo says, some things are simply not pleasant surprises.

    46. Refusing to use oils/whipped cream/other messy but fun things because you have 541510630 count Egyptian cotton sheets that were made by hand by the only person alive capable of sewing that pattern. They'll wash.

    47. Doing all of your before bed things before sex. Yes, sleeping with makeup on is bad. Now is not the time to remove it, you can do that later. And really fucking you with your hair in a ratty scrunchie with acne cream on your nose is not all its cracked up to be.
  • minusonebit
    So Fucking Banned
    • Feb 2006
    • 7391

    #2
    48. Cleaning up after sex. Wiping the splooge off is one thing. But changing the sheets immediately so you can get the other ones in the washer and then sanitizing everything your naked body might have possibly passed by is not the way to do it.

    49. Making a big deal out of it if he loses his hard on. This is not an interrogation, or 20 questions. It happens, he's probably mortified and you are NOT helping. Refrain from using phrases like "it happens to every guy". Just move to other activities until it gets hard again, and if it doesn't, get off another way with him. He's still capable of getting you off. Mumbling "Forget it" and rolling over are not ok.

    50. Asking questions right afterwards. The woman equivalent of "was it good for you?". Now is not a good time to ask "What this means". Right now, it means he probably needs to take a drink, a leak and a nap, perhaps not in that order.

    Comment

    • Ohface
      Confirmed User
      • May 2006
      • 997

      #3
      At last someone wrote them all down.Great post man!
      BlackBook Escorts - Your source of Adult Entertainers

      Comment

      • Spunky
        I need a beer
        • Jun 2002
        • 133978

        #4
        41. Bitching when you get jizz on you. You're having sex. That will happen. Thats the entire point of sex. Establish where he can and cant jizz and be done with it. Remember, it tightens the pores
        Lol..she hates it in her hair

        Comment

        • sicone
          Retired
          • Jan 2004
          • 18453

          #5


          Some good ones in there

          Comment

          • squishypimp
            PostMaster General
            • Aug 2006
            • 10781

            #6
            great list

            Comment

            • Nicky
              Too lazy to set a custom title
              • Mar 2003
              • 30071

              #7
              Hehe good fucking list

              gfynicky @ gmail.com

              Comment

              • Vitasoy
                GFY HALL OF FAME DAMMIT!!!
                • Oct 2003
                • 58202

                #8
                Some of them are pretty good.


                [email protected]

                Comment

                • shannmarie
                  Confirmed User
                  • Nov 2006
                  • 120

                  #9
                  LOL... fair enough.

                  This reminds me of the Booty Call Agreement that I once stumbled upon...

                  THIS AGREEMENT SHALL COVER THE FOLLOWING RULES AND PRINCIPLES:

                  1. No sleeping over - unless it is very good and we need to repeat it in the morning.

                  2. No meeting in public except for dinner or drinks before the events of the evening.

                  3. No calls before 9 PM - we don't have shit to talk about.

                  4. None of that "lovemaking" shit - only sex allowed.

                  5. No emotional discussions (i.e. Where are we heading with this? Do you love me?) The answer is no, so don't ask.

                  6. No plans made in advance - that is why you are called the "backup," unless you are from out-of-town, then it's only a one-time advanced arrangement.

                  7. All gifts accepted - money is always good.

                  8. No baby talk - however, dirty talk is encouraged.

                  9. No asking for comparisons with former lovers - it's really none of your damn business.

                  10. No calling each other "friends with privileges" we are not friends, just fuck buddies.

                  11. Calling out the wrong name during sex is OK - don't be offended.

                  12. No extra clothing - I don't want your ass leaving anything behind when you leave.

                  13. No falling asleep right after sex - it's over, so get your ass up, get dressed, and go the fuck home.

                  14. Don't be offended if I don't ask if you enjoyed it - I don't care.

                  15. You cannot borrow my car for any reason.

                  16. If anyone asks who you are, the standard response will be: "My roommate's girlfriend/boyfriend."

                  17. Doggie style is the preferred position - the reason is less eye contact the better.

                  18. NO condoms, NO fucking. Carry your ass home.

                  19. Bring your own drink - I am not your liquor store.

                  20. No phone use, please - don't want anyone calling back looking for your ass.

                  21. If going to a hotel room, we either split the cost, or alternate who's paying....you pay this time, I pay next.

                  22. Don't bring any of your friends with you, unless they're gonna join the party.

                  23. Don't say "that was the best I've ever had" expecting me to say it in return... because I won't.

                  * EXTRA TIP FOR SUCCESSFUL BOOTY CALLS:

                  The aforementioned rules may only be altered by the holder of the agreement. If the other party attempts to change or alter any terms of this Agreement, it will automatically become null and void and you will then be removed from the BOOTY CALL LIST and deleted from phone memory and email list. In otherwords, you will be BLOCKED from all communications until your silly ass understands the rules.
                  I <3 ADULTSPACE

                  Comment

                  • CaptainHowdy
                    Too lazy to set a custom title
                    • Dec 2004
                    • 94132

                    #10
                    rofl !! Very funny and most of it true !!

                    Comment

                    • PR_Sebas
                      Confirmed User
                      • Dec 2006
                      • 2825

                      #11
                      lol, read a couple of them.. this is pretty good..

                      Comment

                      • gecko
                        ******
                        • Jun 2002
                        • 21846

                        #12
                        some are not bad
                        [email protected]

                        Comment

                        • Bake
                          Confirmed User
                          • Jan 2001
                          • 5919

                          #13
                          Reading this allways helps explain why so many men go without and some can get plenty
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                          • gecko
                            ******
                            • Jun 2002
                            • 21846

                            #14
                            Also printing them out :D
                            [email protected]

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                            • thebossxxx
                              Confirmed User
                              • Dec 2005
                              • 3209

                              #15
                              They forget to swallow!


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                              • calibra
                                Confirmed User
                                • Feb 2003
                                • 4357

                                #16


                                Some things are so true!

                                Comment

                                • Hardcore J
                                  Hardcore 4 Lifeâ„¢
                                  • Mar 2003
                                  • 2553

                                  #17
                                  Classic stuff right there!!

                                  Comment

                                  • Aquarius
                                    Confirmed User
                                    • May 2004
                                    • 4754

                                    #18
                                    Great thread.

                                    Comment

                                    • rounders
                                      Confirmed User
                                      • Sep 2003
                                      • 2931

                                      #19
                                      hahahahah..good sheit.
                                      ICQ#: 153923840

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                                      • MyNameIsNobody
                                        Confirmed User
                                        • Dec 2005
                                        • 2947

                                        #20
                                        great list!! very true!

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                                        Comment

                                        • Why
                                          MFBA
                                          • Mar 2003
                                          • 7230

                                          #21
                                          this thread should be pinned for at least 3 months!

                                          Comment

                                          • CuriousToyBoy
                                            Crazy Aussie Bastard
                                            • Aug 2005
                                            • 16787

                                            #22
                                            That is just too fucking funny.

                                            Nice find !!!

                                            ;-)
                                            Celebs
                                            Adult Who's Who ==> Ambush Interview ==> ICQ 293 070 684 ==> intmarpacrim AT gmail DOT com

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                                            • leftybogs
                                              Confirmed User
                                              • Nov 2006
                                              • 386

                                              #23
                                              LOL... yah some that was really suck if that happen...
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                                              • jasminexxx
                                                Too lazy to set a custom title
                                                • Aug 2006
                                                • 13816

                                                #24
                                                that was to funny

                                                Comment

                                                • JimmiDean
                                                  Confirmed User
                                                  • Nov 2004
                                                  • 3433

                                                  #25
                                                  Great post a few more people should live by these rules.
                                                  My God there's Porn on here!

                                                  Still on the Beach !!!

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                                                  • fibble
                                                    Confirmed User
                                                    • Sep 2006
                                                    • 771

                                                    #26
                                                    thats was a long list dude..! lol

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                                                    • earthquake_1990
                                                      Registered User
                                                      • Nov 2006
                                                      • 3

                                                      #27
                                                      great list

                                                      Comment

                                                      • Paul Markham
                                                        Too old to care
                                                        • Jun 2001
                                                        • 52942

                                                        #28
                                                        So very very true.



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                                                        • VladTepes
                                                          Registered User
                                                          • Dec 2006
                                                          • 11

                                                          #29
                                                          BeachHouse - Leave you shorts home and enjoy

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                                                          • ForteCash
                                                            Confirmed User
                                                            • Feb 2006
                                                            • 3278

                                                            #30
                                                            Why is passing gas during sex not listed?

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                                                            • xNetworx
                                                              So Fucking What
                                                              • Jan 2004
                                                              • 14445

                                                              #31
                                                              Originally posted by ForteCash
                                                              Why is passing gas during sex not listed?

                                                              Comment

                                                              • Cyndalie
                                                                Confirmed User
                                                                • Jan 2002
                                                                • 3615

                                                                #32
                                                                What are they putting in Cosmo?
                                                                Seems to really be pissing men off.
                                                                Cyndalie
                                                                Marketing Director
                                                                StoriesTraffic.com

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                                                                • reynold
                                                                  Too lazy to set a custom title
                                                                  • Oct 2002
                                                                  • 51271

                                                                  #33
                                                                  Obviously, my honey doesn't need anymore seminars.

                                                                  Comment

                                                                  • baX
                                                                    Too lazy to set a custom title
                                                                    • Mar 2006
                                                                    • 17911

                                                                    #34
                                                                    LOL I'm gonna print this list

                                                                    Comment

                                                                    • Snake Doctor
                                                                      I'm Lenny2 Bitch
                                                                      • Mar 2001
                                                                      • 13449

                                                                      #35
                                                                      Some of it's obnoxious, but overall pretty funny.

                                                                      To be fair you should post a top 50 list for men too. (i.e. farting on her head while watching TV and then wondering why she doesn't want to blow you 5 minutes later)
                                                                      sig too big

                                                                      Comment

                                                                      • LadyMischief
                                                                        Orgasms N Such!
                                                                        • Sep 2002
                                                                        • 18135

                                                                        #36
                                                                        I hope you guys all realize that was written by a woman.. a smart one

                                                                        ICQ 3522039
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                                                                        [email protected]

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                                                                        • BluewireAngie
                                                                          Confirmed User
                                                                          • Apr 2006
                                                                          • 4643

                                                                          #37
                                                                          Great list!
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                                                                          • rodney25
                                                                            Confirmed User
                                                                            • Jun 2005
                                                                            • 7090

                                                                            #38
                                                                            Girls should realize these terrible mistakes they keep commiting again and again.


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                                                                            • JayDeeZee
                                                                              Confirmed User
                                                                              • Aug 2006
                                                                              • 3595

                                                                              #39
                                                                              Great list! I just passed it on to my Fiancee

                                                                              I hope she learns a thing or two.

                                                                              Comment

                                                                              • TG Rebecca
                                                                                Confirmed User
                                                                                • Aug 2006
                                                                                • 2450

                                                                                #40
                                                                                ROFL, i love number 5!

                                                                                ICQ: 263-993 | AIM: TG Rep Rebecca
                                                                                Email: [email protected]

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                                                                                • minusonebit
                                                                                  So Fucking Banned
                                                                                  • Feb 2006
                                                                                  • 7391

                                                                                  #41
                                                                                  Originally posted by Lenny2
                                                                                  Some of it's obnoxious, but overall pretty funny.

                                                                                  To be fair you should post a top 50 list for men too. (i.e. farting on her head while watching TV and then wondering why she doesn't want to blow you 5 minutes later)
                                                                                  Go to the link at the top... she links to the "Men" list on her blog.

                                                                                  Comment

                                                                                  • shekinah
                                                                                    Confirmed User
                                                                                    • May 2006
                                                                                    • 8452

                                                                                    #42
                                                                                    almost all true, I guess?

                                                                                    [Web Design | Development | Programming | Content Writing ]
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                                                                                    • pornguy
                                                                                      Too lazy to set a custom title
                                                                                      • Mar 2003
                                                                                      • 62910

                                                                                      #43
                                                                                      Some were good. But way to long to read
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                                                                                      • minusonebit
                                                                                        So Fucking Banned
                                                                                        • Feb 2006
                                                                                        • 7391

                                                                                        #44
                                                                                        Originally posted by pornguy
                                                                                        Some were good. But way to long to read
                                                                                        Short attention span, eh?

                                                                                        Comment

                                                                                        • maricor
                                                                                          Registered User
                                                                                          • Oct 2005
                                                                                          • 84

                                                                                          #45
                                                                                          Hahaha..Thanks for the pointers mate.. I've learned a lot

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                                                                                          • tytyguy
                                                                                            So Fucking Banned
                                                                                            • Jan 2006
                                                                                            • 983

                                                                                            #46
                                                                                            thast awesome. this is my fav. so true

                                                                                            18. Getting your undies in a bunch when he talks dirty. A little fantasy can be fun. If he treats you with respect all the time, you shouldn't be offended when he calls you his dirty little slut. When he calls you a whore and tells you to come, its his way of showing that he cares if you get off. Stop being a sissy.

                                                                                            Comment

                                                                                            • J. Falcon
                                                                                              www.AdultCopywriters.com
                                                                                              • May 2006
                                                                                              • 31587

                                                                                              #47
                                                                                              Pretty good list.
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                                                                                              • madawgz
                                                                                                8.8.8.8
                                                                                                • Mar 2006
                                                                                                • 30509

                                                                                                #48
                                                                                                good ones LOL
                                                                                                TAEMDLRMSKRJIXMRLSMRJ.

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                                                                                                • minusonebit
                                                                                                  So Fucking Banned
                                                                                                  • Feb 2006
                                                                                                  • 7391

                                                                                                  #49
                                                                                                  Bump for the late night crew...

                                                                                                  Comment

                                                                                                  • Spunky
                                                                                                    I need a beer
                                                                                                    • Jun 2002
                                                                                                    • 133978

                                                                                                    #50
                                                                                                    Fuck em if they don't like a rump fuck

                                                                                                    Comment

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