PHX FORUM ATTENDEES: Reward for Safe Return of Spike

[AsianDivaGirlsWebDude]

I think my pet box turtle Spike was traumitized by the flight - he seems to have run away (I hope he wasn't turtle-naped or something...so far no ransom note, so I assume he just wandered off).

Although he is frisky for a turtle, he doesn't bite, and Spike is attracted to tequila, especially when it is mixed into a margarita, although please note that Spike doesn't like salt.

If you find Spike, please turn him in at the Front Desk of the hotel. I have instructed the Staff to give the rescuer an envelope with a nice $ reward, no questions asked.

Thanks!

ADG

[Socks]

[AsianDivaGirlsWebDude]

Are you threatening my turtle?!?



ADG

[seeric]

you are serious arent you?

[AsianDivaGirlsWebDude]

you are serious arent you?

I just hope that the little fella doesn't get dehydrated or becomes dinner for an armadillo before I can find him.

If everyone could please just take a few minutes to look around (and be careful not to step on Spike), I would really appreciate it.

Still no word at the Front Desk. If you notice the maids looking under beds and furniture when they are cleaning up, you'll know why.

ADG

[AsianDivaGirlsWebDude]

Spike Update

I cut and pasted this from another thread...

Click him

At first I thought Chio was mocking me and my plight, but then I clicked on the link and got some good ideas...Thanks Chio!!!

Leave a shallow bowl of water with food (a smelly food like tuna may be more effective) incase your turtle comes across it.

Fortunately, I brought along a few cans of Spike's favorite food, so I'll spread some around and see if that draws him out...



If you happen to see a few teaspoons of Fish Assholes spread around near your room, do not be alarmed, and please do not clean it up. Spike's rescue may depend upon your help.

ADG

[Mutt]

wtf? you travel with a turtle?

[AsianDivaGirlsWebDude]

wtf? you travel with a turtle?

Why not? You think it's more humane for me to check Spike into a turtle kennel or something?

I once had a neighbor turtle-sit for Spike when I was away, and when I returned he was very withdrawn and didn't want to come out of his shell for a few days - I suspect he may have been molested.

Besides, Spike usually likes to travel, and he is a solid gold chick magnet. The babes all want to pet him and get their pictures taken with him.

And the dudes get a kick out of giving him a small shot of tequila and then laying Spike on his back and spinning him around. I'm telling you, Spike is a party animal.

Anyway, I still haven't seen him yet, and I've searched everywhere. This isn't like him to roam too far. I'm beginning to suspect foul play...

BTW, I have doubled the reward.

ADG

[Jace]

omfg, this thread ROCKS

it might possibly go down as one of the better gfy threads in a LONG time

[papill0n]

Hope you get your turtle back ADG.

[BusterBunny]

good luck

have you checked juicy's ass? many reptiles and amphibians make there way there during their annual migration

[AsianDivaGirlsWebDude]

Hope you get your turtle back ADG.

Thanks man!

The folks at the Registration Desk are going to put up a poster, and I'm thinking to have a candlelight vigil if he doesn't show up by tomorrow night.

I spoke to Senator John McCain's office, and they said that the Senator was too busy to get personally involved just yet, but they offered their condolensces and told me to keep up hope...



ADG

[tony286]

if its real i hope u get it back.

[quantum-x]

My turtle used to fuck off regularly.
His favourite spot was under the couch, where he;d curl up and go to sleep.
Search under the sofa!

[ProjectNaked]

[BusterBunny]

[AsianDivaGirlsWebDude]

have you checked juicy's ass? many reptiles and amphibians make there way there during their annual migration

Haha, very funny...Spike is NOT gay, and he's afraid of dark places.

Just the thought of what you suggested sent shivers up and down my spine, sort of like Silence of the Turtles. Richard Gere wouldn't do something so heinous with his anus.

if its real i hope u get it back.

If you're real, I hope you get it back too!

My nerves are getting shot. If you are are a pet lover, and I know you are Tony, you will know how I feel.

When I was in the lounge taking a break, an old song by the band The Turtles came on - it was titled "So Happy Together". I nearly cried in my Bacardi and Diet Coke.

Well, I need to get back searching...Spike needs me...

ADG

[D]

Haha, very funny...Spike is NOT gay, and he's afraid of dark places.

Who said it would be the turtle's choice?

Note the rust-colored section in the following Pie Chart:

[munki]

Wasn't somebody hosting an intervention at the Forum?

Check the local rehabs, maybe Spike was the unlucky addict???

[BusterBunny]

Who said it would be the turtle's choice?

Note the rust-colored section in the following Pie Chart:

i'm surprised he hasn't eaten that yet

[AsianDivaGirlsWebDude]

My turtle used to fuck off regularly.
His favourite spot was under the couch, where he;d curl up and go to sleep.
Search under the sofa!

Under the sofa was my first guess too, so I turned on "Law and Order" (Spike's favorite show) real loud...nothing.

Bet you didn't know that J. Edgar Hoover kept a turtle in a cigar box in his office. I'm sure the FBI agents that I forwarded your extortion threat to will fill you in on that.

Who said it would be the turtle's choice?

Note the rust-colored section in the following Pie Chart:

Looks like rust never sleeps...

I noticed a flaw in the chart. When did Juicy get time to do 100k posts?

I swear I am going to get a GPS chip planted in that turtle once I get him back.

ADG

[Socks]

[Makingcoin]

Holy fuck this thread is great, do you have your guy microchipped? :P

[Camco]

[AsianDivaGirlsWebDude]

Wasn't somebody hosting an intervention at the Forum?

Check the local rehabs, maybe Spike was the unlucky addict???

Spike quit using after he had a bad trip a few years ago. I don't think he has relapsed. If I was a betting man, I would say that XXXJay is the one being set up for an intervention, although if you tried to remove all of the drugs from his system, you would probably kill him - I say leave him alone, afterall, Keith Richards is still kicking...

That stuff is like webmaster crack...Spike was partial to...



Myself, I'm a Cherry Garcia kind of guy.

Holy fuck this thread is great, do you have your guy microchipped? :P

Not yet, but when he comes crawling back to me (and he always does), dragging his little turtle dick in the dirt, he's going straight to the vet...

ADG

[After Shock Media]

This thread is so damn win.

[munki]

Not yet, but when he comes crawling back to me (and he always does), dragging his little turtle dick in the dirt, he's going straight to the vet...

ADG

Make sure you get the full run of tests... You don't know what he's been doing with that lil turtle mouth either...

[AsianDivaGirlsWebDude]

Make sure you get the full run of tests... You don't know what he's been doing with that lil turtle mouth either...

I hear that. Spike is a big Madonna fan, and I noticed him going off the deep end with the Kabbalah stuff - apparently he was studying to be a Mohel...



I'm a pretty tolerant guy, but I told him that as long as he is going to live in my terrarium, it was going to be under my rules.

Does that make me a bad parent? Perhaps I have created a turtle without a cause...

Anyone with any tips, please forward them - the first 24 hours are the most important.

ADG

[OzMan]

Check your credit card charges online immediately. Spike may have tried to pay for someone else's room to throw you off the scent.

[A-Bomb]

check the strip bar?

[AsianDivaGirlsWebDude]

Check your credit card charges online immediately. Spike may have tried to pay for someone else's room to throw you off the scent.

Highly unlikely - I still have my wallet and all my plastic, although I did have to change all of my pins when I discovered that Spike was a kinky bastard, and he charged some eel porn to one of my cards:



You really think you know a turtle, and then this!

I still miss the little green fucker though, so anything anyone can do to help will be appreciated.

I'll put your link in my sig upon Spike's safe return...

ADG

[AsianDivaGirlsWebDude]

Well, I woke up this morning and looked over at Spike's travel terrarium, fully expecting to see the little guy back where he belonged. My heart sank when I saw that he was not there.

So I looked all over my room again, and outside the door, but still no Spike.

After getting dressed, I went down to the Front Desk to check and see if anyone had discovered and returned Spike, but the girl at the counter just sadly shook her head "no".

All kinds of ideas reeled about in my head...had Spike tried to make his way back to the Bay Area like a Homing Turtle? Had Spike met another turtle and set off to Vegas to get married? Had Spike run away and joined the circus?!?

Not knowing Spike's whereabouts and fate is driving me crazy...

I implore all of you attending the Phoenix Forum to take just a few minutes of time and look around and see if you can help me find my little lost turtle.

The reward for returning Spike to the Front Desk still stands, but don't do it just for the money, do it to help out a fellow webmaster and do it because it's the right thing to do...

ADG

[JP-pornshooter]

Well, I woke up this morning and looked over at Spike's travel terrarium, fully expecting to see the little guy back where he belonged. My heart sank when I saw that he was not there.

So I looked all over my room again, and outside the door, but still no Spike.

After getting dressed, I went down to the Front Desk to check and see if anyone had discovered and returned Spike, but the girl at the counter just sadly shook her head "no".

All kinds of ideas reeled about in my head...had Spike tried to make his way back to the Bay Area like a Homing Turtle? Had Spike met another turtle and set off to Vegas to get married? Had Spike run away and joined the circus?!?

Not knowing Spike's whereabouts and fate is driving me crazy...

I implore all of you attending the Phoenix Forum to take just a few minutes of time and look around and see if you can help me find my little lost turtle.

The reward for returning Spike to the Front Desk still stands, but don't do it just for the money, do it to help out a fellow webmaster and do it because it's the right thing to do...

ADG

i'll look for him when i get out there tomorrow night..have a feeling i know where he went.. (did you check the pool - hot tub ?)

[AsianDivaGirlsWebDude]

i'll look for him when i get out there tomorrow night..have a feeling i know where he went.. (did you check the pool - hot tub ?)

Thanks for volunteering to help search for Spike. I hope he'll be back before you arrive.

As for the pool/hot tub, Spike doesn't like chlorine - he perfers long walks on the beach...



ADG

[Jens Van Assterdam]

Thanks for volunteering to help search for Spike. I hope he'll be back before you arrive.

As for the pool/hot tub, Spike doesn't like chlorine - he perfers long walks on the beach...



ADG

looks cute lol

[Peaches]

Has he been having drug issues? Friend of Sleazy's? He might be on his way to a fancy drug rehab facility

[Imortyl Pussycat]

i hope you find Spike soon. i will look when i get in. i am like Snow White, animals flock to me so maybe he will find me.

[papill0n]

this is a sad thread

[AsianDivaGirlsWebDude]

Has he been having drug issues? Friend of Sleazy's? He might be on his way to a fancy drug rehab facility

Nah, Spike quit the hard stuff. He still likes his tequila, but knows how to control it - I don't think he's on a bender or anything...

this is a sad thread

Keep hope alive...

i hope you find Spike soon. i will look when i get in. i am like Snow White, animals flock to me so maybe he will find me.

Thanks!



ADG

[VeriSexy]

Hope you find your little turtle

[ProjectNaked]

someone is at petsmart right now buying an imposter for the reward, hope the front desk has a detailed picture...

[AsianDivaGirlsWebDude]

Hope you find your little turtle

Thanks!

someone is at petsmart right now buying an imposter for the reward, hope the front desk has a detailed picture...

Spike has a tattoo, so it's unlikely that anyone can turn in a counterfeit Spike to get the reward unless they knew what the tattoo is of, and where it is located...

I was thinking about getting a tattoo of Spike for myself, sort of like what this guy did:



Also, since you mentioned the possibly of scammers trying to take advantage of this situation, I am not sending out any e-mail solicitations, nor am I setting up any bank accounts on Spike's behalf, so if you get anything like that, just file it in your Nigerian Scam e-mail folder.

ADG

[AsianDivaGirlsWebDude]

check the strip bar?

Nope. Spike is not a fan of titty bars - he doesn't like the loud music, flashing lights and he's allergic to silicone. Besides, he's not into inter-species sex, he's strictly a turtle man.

Don't let his little size fool you, Spike is well-endowed (proportionally speaking). and he is a sex machine. His style is long and slow.

Popular culture would have it that turtles are weak, flaccid, crappy organisms with dull social lives, stunted and barely functional internal organs and - it goes without saying - undersized sex organs. Right? WRONG...

Believe it or don't, turtles are horrifically well-endowed, and if the thought of learning more about the genitals of these oh-so-surprising reptiles doesn't appeal to you, look away now.

Anyway, it's not mating season for Spike, so it's unlikely that he's shacked up with a skank turtle, banging his little turtle balls off.

I'm still convinced he is around the hotel somewhere...and with the help of others staying at the hotel, I remain hopeful that Spike and I will be reunited.

ADG