I am goin out tonight and I am gonna get laid

[CarlosTheGaucho]

And I mean it dead serious and will not discuss that.

Taking my best looking friend with me - the king metrosexual god, so if they'll want gay looks I'll let him do the first contact, if they'll wanna rough sexy guy with personality I'll do the first contact.

Taking my James Dean leather jacket and it's the worst fuckin bonehead smalltown in the world so I hope noone throws hay fork on me.

Here's the plan:

1) take a car drive around every pub and every club not to waste time and get a place with most girls in it

2) leave the car somewhere, start to socially drink and chat up girls - maximum 2 hours otherwise they'll be drunk, annoying and worthless

3) I'm going straight to the point, anyone who would even consider not having sex tonight doesn't apply, no fuckin chance - I'm a romantic

Thank you for your time, I'm going to deliver and will report back.

[pixovore]

woot woot

[Mr.Right - Banned For Life]

you go girl

[Kron]

hahaha, you are optimistic tonight?
post your results tomorrow

[d-null]

....and it's the worst fuckin bonehead smalltown in the world so I hope noone throws hay fork on me.....

sounds to me more like a plan to get in a throwdown with the locals rather than getting laid

[CarlosTheGaucho]

sounds to me more like a plan to get in a throwdown with the locals rather than getting laid

Yeah I am gonna have to watch out when the hay fork flies, I used to live here 7 years ago but the barn haven't changed much since, they wear modern gay clothes etc. but they're still mostly total morons.

[CarlosTheGaucho]

My bud is just pickin some gay clothes to wear, I gave him a limit of maximum 30 minutes to make his hair cause I want to score till midnight and it's 8:52 pm local time now

[nico-t]

"some gay clothes"

bahhh maybe i should go out tonight.........

[Barefootsies]

[CarlosTheGaucho]

"some gay clothes"

bahhh maybe i should go out tonight.........

It's Valentine's Day, you should man.

Only good guys go out tonight, girls will be lonely!

[CarlosTheGaucho]

My bad just finished the dressing process, it wasn't easy, to get dressed well takes a lot of time and experience!

[CarlosTheGaucho]

Ok so it's 9:16 PM local time now and now he's picking watch -the thing is HUGE!

= he's gonna look like the richest negro pimp from Harlem but that's trendy here.

[CarlosTheGaucho]

Ok now the limit is over and I'm going to make sure so we leave within 5 mins, I'm starting to get temper and the opportunity cost of waiting for the complete gay dressing intermezzo is too high.

[CarlosTheGaucho]

I'm leavin, thanks for the company during the waiting.

[Kinky John]

enjoy teh cock, stay safe..

[Kinky John]

anyway man, surely you can get laid at a discount over at Big Sister right ?

[Spunky]

The bars will be full of lonely women

[John-ACWM]

Go get some

[MOxxx]

Carlos you can always fuck your King metrosexual god friend

[CarlosTheGaucho]

Ok so it was an epochal and complete fail, here's a brief breakdown and the lessons I learned:

Lesson 1 - don't ever let anyone who's a metrosexual 'think'

Of course my first suggestion to see all the clubs and pubs is the only way how to guarantee effective picking up, my managing abilities are well proven. But I let my metro bud to choose the place and we went, not surprisingly, to a club called "metro".

It had everything I expected - considerable amount of white trash redneck "entrepreneurs" with a beer belly, shaved head and a 2k cell phone they can't even operate, super fake annoying wannabe ho's that are dangerous to your mental health if they talk, and of course a fake ass 'friend' DJ Lobotomy that played a mixture of incredibly loud, silly and unoriginal bullshit, Metro bros saved on the entry and they were happy.

Not even that scared me off, I'm a born winner so I was approaching a couple ho's with more make up than a drug store on them, and shit hit the fan.

They immediately made me aware that I don't look lucrative enough and shouldn't even try to chat with them.

All Right, so even I had more money in my pocket than what they probably make in a month if you don't wear gay clothes, and if you look and talk differently you gotta be broke - big ass logic from someone with a fake 1.99 USD watch.

I wasn't even giving them shit back, cause that would be quite dangerous considering the number of their bald "fans" that were ballin around in the middle of their 24th beer that night.

After this insult I immediately ordered a cab - kidnapped my metro bud from the club, stuck him into the trunk and we were off to another place, that I, with my proven logic expected to suck just about the same.

Lesson # 2 - don't try to be too smart with rednecks

Off we go, ok so I am entering another metro sex dome, this place has one good thing about it - if you're lucky you can chat up older girls that are in their 30's, sexually active and more likely to be up for a pseudo sensible pseudo amusing conversation.

First thing I made friends with the security guys, cause I was only going to expect when some Zorro the Barn hero starts shit with me so I wanted to make sure they know about my non conflicting, witty and insane character.

Second thing - I made sure that there'll be some actual service paying one of the bar girls 40 pct. gratuity on every order to be our personal waitress, cause I was surely not interested in waving on them with money counting hay straws flying round.

I really got to buy a drink to a really cute blonde in her early 30's, the thing is that no matter how hard did i try to keep the conversation light, she started about personal shit.

At the end I lost my temper and gave her such a rhetoric speech about her life that I probably totally changed her inner views of her future and presence. I was so intense that she had to go home to think about it = I was too smart with her = fail.

I got so much attitude and so much temper that I immediately told off to the whole hen house on the bar to have the fuck some fun and not to sit around like after lobotomy.

Not that it would have any effect since they stared at me like like a brain dead sheep staring at a jet.

Lesson # 3 - better don't expect anything at all!

Fuckin clueless boring mediocre redheads, so why the hell do the girls wear skirts long legs and tits and a make up, getting drunk over there at 4 AM? To go home alone and watch the ceiling?

Fuck that, I was tellin straight away I want to have something extremely memorable to remember that night, big goals.

At the end my metro bud got so metrosexy he picked up some crack whore look a like and we went to another club, she was lookin horrible, huge like a godzilla - he's a former ice hockey player but she was even more massive.

At the other place she started to get annoying so I said FUCK, waited on him for another 15 minutes and then left, I went to book me a hotel room since I should originally oversleep at his house - unfortunately their little brothel was already closed as it was about 6 AM so I couldn't make the last minute power play save.

Most terrible and desperate club experience ever!

[Dirty F]

How much are you gonna pay her?

[CarlosTheGaucho]

How much are you gonna pay her?

My budget I set myself for yesterday was around 200 $ no matter if cash or drinks - sex costs money.

[Bro Media - BANNED FOR LIFE]

Pahahaha, even my fat ugly ass has no problem getting laid.

You = Epic Failure.

Heres a song for you to listen to while you sit in your own pathetic mess of a self and cry that you went another year without any pussy on valentines day.

See sig to jack off too.

[HorseShit]

How much did you pay him?

[CarlosTheGaucho]

Pahahaha, even my fat ugly ass has no problem getting laid.

You = Epic Failure.

Heres a song for you to listen to while you sit in your own pathetic mess of a self and cry that you went another year without any pussy on valentines day.

See sig to jack off too.

What's up Retox fail, girlfriend has a period?

[CarlosTheGaucho]

anyway man, surely you can get laid at a discount over at Big Sister right ?

Nah I'm a soulboy.

What's up John? Long time no see, thinking about it I could probably add your shit to our exits as it's quite unique.

[Martin]

Alot easier getting laid in Vegas. Where were you when I had to hotties ready to go have fun in my hot tub?

lol anyway funny story man, better luck next time.

[CarlosTheGaucho]

Alot easier getting laid in Vegas. Where were you went I had to hotties ready to go have fun in my hot tub?

lol anyway funny story man, better luck next time.

Dude, Vegas is so much easier, as you can actually found there fun loving people. I gotta stay discrete but I love Vegas.

You don't risk getting a hay fork thrown at you neither!

[Bro Media - BANNED FOR LIFE]

What's up Retox fail, girlfriend has a period?

Retox fail? Come on man, you can come up with something better than that. And no, she's not, I actually got laid twice on Valentines day, sucks that you couldn't say you even got half that...

[CarlosTheGaucho]

Retox fail? Come on man, you can come up with something better than that. And no, she's not, I actually got laid twice on Valentines day, sucks that you couldn't say you even got half that...

No shit, you're a big boy now.

[Bro Media - BANNED FOR LIFE]

No shit, you're a big boy now.

Fucking right, I feel like a teenager again!

[d-null]

....... I actually got laid twice on Valentines day, sucks that you couldn't say you even got half that...

[Bro Media - BANNED FOR LIFE]

I'd hit it... TWICE!

[Martin]

[CarlosTheGaucho]

Fucking right, I feel like a teenager again!

that's a nice progress, since by the nature of your postings I would rather expect a genotype of a mature, experienced and considerably skilled chimpanzee

[MaDalton]

Retox fail? Come on man, you can come up with something better than that. And no, she's not, I actually got laid twice on Valentines day, sucks that you couldn't say you even got half that...

yes, and Obama is a member of the KKK.

[Bro Media - BANNED FOR LIFE]

yes, and Obama is a member of the KKK.

Figures, damn naggers!

[CarlosTheGaucho]

Carlos you can always fuck your King metrosexual god friend

Mo, the disturbing part is, that I'm not even this sure he would be against that.

[CarlosTheGaucho]

Figures, damn naggers!

Put this into your avatar please so people don't get confused all the time, thanks!

[Bro Media - BANNED FOR LIFE]

Only if you put this in yours.

[CarlosTheGaucho]

No home made pics bud, remember the feedback last time you posted a pic of that fat visually annoying ginger kid?

[Sid70]

women are only good for 3 things, cooking, cleaning and vagina. Did you get one? Epic fail planner, i would rather call escort and woudnt waste my tiem roaming around the town. Just my 2 cents.

[DarkJedi]

why didnt you just call up an escort?

[CarlosTheGaucho]

why didnt you just call up an escort?

I guess I just like adventure too much

Anyone who would need a tip what shit hole right in the ass of the Europe to visit if you want to fuck up your nerves let me know

I have a tip on a constant small town with a bunch of wannabe important white trash idiots with no manners and sheep hearding mentality.

[CarlosTheGaucho]

women are only good for 3 things, cooking, cleaning and vagina. Did you get one? Epic fail planner, i would rather call escort and woudnt waste my tiem roaming around the town. Just my 2 cents.

Sid, I do accept the

no more experiments with small town places, let them go hug a sheep

[VeriSexy]

Bummer. But least you tried.

[BusterBunny]

i am going to accomplish what you could not...i will be back in a few hours and no you fuckers aint getting pics

[notime]

Go get them tiger !

[Chit Chat]

[Sid70]

Sid, I do accept the

no more experiments with small town places, let them go hug a sheep