Kid gets his dick stuck in a homemade fleshlight - GoFuckYourself.com

kane · 09-16-2010, 11:51 AM

A friend of mine just called me and told me this. I'm still laughing.

My buddy (guy who told me this) is a cop in my town. He is at work today when there is a dispatch call for rescue/ambulance. The call is for a male, age 16, in medical distress. My buddy happens to be about 3 blocks from this kid's house so he decided to drive up and see if he can help while rescue is on the way.

He gets there to find the kid with one of his friends. The kid has made some kind of a homemade version of a fleshlight out of Saran Wrap, a towel, a couple of belts and some kind of cardboard tube among other things. So apparently the kid is banging away on this thing and he has the belts too tight and the cardboard tube collapses and his cock is now stuck in it and being smashed. He can't pull it out and is afraid to start cutting away on it so he called his buddy to help him out. His buddy gets there and sees some blood coming out of it so he freaks out and calls 911.

The fire department used some big scissor things to cut the belts away then they slowly cut the cardboard tube and peeled it off. After about 20 minutes they got this thing off the kid. He had a couple of minor cuts on his shaft, but was otherwise okay. They had to call his mom to treat him so she had to leave work and come home and now has to take him to the doctor to make sure he didn't do any real damage to himself.

The moral of the story goes, save your allowance and buy a real Fleshlight, don't try to make one on your own.

moeloubani · 09-16-2010, 12:00 PM

moral of the story should be get better porn, jizz faster and slide out before the collapse!!

woj · 09-16-2010, 12:02 PM

MaDalton · 09-16-2010, 12:02 PM

he better practice facials with his friend the next time

CaptainHowdy · 09-16-2010, 12:02 PM

Aaaaaaahahahahahaha!

st0ned · 09-16-2010, 12:03 PM

LMAO. I always see these tutorials on how to make a homemade one showing up near my promotions for the fleshlight. Too bad this isn't an actual news story so that I could discredit them and get more sales!

2intense · 09-16-2010, 12:08 PM

u-Bob · 09-16-2010, 12:09 PM

ouch

cambaby · 09-16-2010, 12:11 PM

Uhm theres a better way to make your own fleshlight see sig

poncabare · 09-16-2010, 12:12 PM

thats awesome

kane · 09-16-2010, 12:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by st0ned

LMAO. I always see these tutorials on how to make a homemade one showing up near my promotions for the fleshlight. Too bad this isn't an actual news story so that I could discredit them and get more sales!

My town has a weekly newspaper. They always print the rescue/fire calls in it. Usually they are just a list with short mentions of what the call was. This week I'm going to have to get the paper and see how they word this call. If it is good I'll scan it and post it.

ottopottomouse · 09-16-2010, 12:14 PM

Ouch .

st0ned · 09-16-2010, 12:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kane

My town has a weekly newspaper. They always print the rescue/fire calls in it. Usually they are just a list with short mentions of what the call was. This week I'm going to have to get the paper and see how they word this call. If it is good I'll scan it and post it.

Awesome, thanks!

Jarmusch · 09-16-2010, 12:15 PM

I blame the tube sites he was browsing while using it.

kristin · 09-16-2010, 12:17 PM

That's awesome, what a doofus.

Yngwie · 09-16-2010, 12:17 PM

I'm just wondering how anyone can get stuck when all of the things used can be cut/loosened? The cardboard tube "collapsed"? sorry, not stuck.. Cut it or wait, loose the hard on and VOILA! . Belts too tight? Loosen the fucking thing.. Common sense unless he's a complete moron.

Maybe I'm missing something here, but this just sounds like something that even a mentally handicapped person would be like "wtf??? did you really need to call 911 for that??"

TeenSluts · 09-16-2010, 12:19 PM

hahahahaha

flashfire · 09-16-2010, 12:21 PM

lol don't forget to pull out

pornguy · 09-16-2010, 12:22 PM

Damn that will be all over his school FAST.

Amputate Your Head · 09-16-2010, 12:23 PM

martinsc · 09-16-2010, 12:27 PM

CYF · 09-16-2010, 12:42 PM

Cyber Fucker · 09-16-2010, 12:46 PM

bwahahahahahahaha...

kane · 09-16-2010, 12:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Yngwie

I'm just wondering how anyone can get stuck when all of the things used can be cut/loosened? The cardboard tube "collapsed"? sorry, not stuck.. Cut it or wait, loose the hard on and VOILA! . Belts too tight? Loosen the fucking thing.. Common sense unless he's a complete moron.

Maybe I'm missing something here, but this just sounds like something that even a mentally handicapped person would be like "wtf??? did you really need to call 911 for that??"

The way it was described to me (and I didn't see although I kind of wish I had

) is that he had some kind of belts wrapped around a cardboard tube. Inside the tube was some kind of filler and a layer of saran wrap. He would tighten the belts on the tube to make it "tighter". He pulled too hard on the belt that was at the top of the tube, the end he put his dick in, and it collapsed, pinching his cock and trapping it. He looked down and saw blood so he panicked. He was afraid to pull it out because he thought he might rip it off. He called a buddy who he thought would help him cut the tube off, but the buddy freaked and called 911.

So I guess the second lesson besides not making your own fleshlight is to never call a friend you can't count on.

Django · 09-16-2010, 12:52 PM

kane · 09-16-2010, 12:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pornguy

Damn that will be all over his school FAST.

Yeah no doubt. Especially since this happened in the middle of day while he was on lunch from school. So he goes home for lunch and doesn't come back. People will hear that he had firetrucks and an ambulance at his house and the truth will get out fast.

Dirty Dane · 09-16-2010, 12:54 PM

itx · 09-16-2010, 01:07 PM

Ouch! better get a real fleshlight

chris_joseph · 09-16-2010, 01:19 PM

$5 submissions · 09-16-2010, 01:24 PM

Hilarious. Now he knows what he wants for Christmas.

gmr324 · 09-16-2010, 01:24 PM

Quote:

Damn that will be all over his school FAST.

The pain from the homemade contraption will be nothing compared to the torture he'll get in school

mikesinner · 09-16-2010, 01:59 PM

When I was a kid this was a fleshlight.

This was the advanced model.

Chezter · 09-16-2010, 02:19 PM

Haha, I cannot imagine anything more embarrassing than this.

EllaBlack · 09-16-2010, 02:35 PM

I just love that there were "morals" to the story. ROFL!

tiger · 09-16-2010, 02:44 PM

LOL, he might as well move to another country now.

Chosen · 09-16-2010, 02:54 PM

Shit happens...

TheLegacy · 09-16-2010, 03:01 PM

That's why they call it, "adult" industry - or - you must be this high to work here

Jman · 09-16-2010, 03:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by moeloubani

moral of the story should be get better porn, jizz faster and slide out before the collapse!!

Or get a dog and a peanut butter jar

Ethersync · 09-16-2010, 03:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kane

My town has a weekly newspaper. They always print the rescue/fire calls in it. Usually they are just a list with short mentions of what the call was. This week I'm going to have to get the paper and see how they word this call. If it is good I'll scan it and post it.

Please do it!

09-16-2010, 03:12 PM

where do people get these ideas from?!

MaDalton · 09-16-2010, 03:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jean-Francois

Or get a dog and a peanut butter jar

didn't you just recently get a dog?

and wouldn't a canadian use poutine instead?
(would probably have to cool down first though, otherwise it adds a new injury potential)

BlueWave · 09-16-2010, 08:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kane

Yeah no doubt. Especially since this happened in the middle of day while he was on lunch from school. So he goes home for lunch and doesn't come back. People will hear that he had firetrucks and an ambulance at his house and the truth will get out fast.

Time to beg the parents to move to a new town far, far, FAR away from the current one.

M0nk · 09-24-2010, 02:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by moeloubani

moral of the story should be get better porn, jizz faster and slide out before the collapse!!

what a clever move!

09-16-2010, 11:51 AM	#1
kane Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: portland, OR Posts: 20,684	Kid gets his dick stuck in a homemade fleshlight A friend of mine just called me and told me this. I'm still laughing. My buddy (guy who told me this) is a cop in my town. He is at work today when there is a dispatch call for rescue/ambulance. The call is for a male, age 16, in medical distress. My buddy happens to be about 3 blocks from this kid's house so he decided to drive up and see if he can help while rescue is on the way. He gets there to find the kid with one of his friends. The kid has made some kind of a homemade version of a fleshlight out of Saran Wrap, a towel, a couple of belts and some kind of cardboard tube among other things. So apparently the kid is banging away on this thing and he has the belts too tight and the cardboard tube collapses and his cock is now stuck in it and being smashed. He can't pull it out and is afraid to start cutting away on it so he called his buddy to help him out. His buddy gets there and sees some blood coming out of it so he freaks out and calls 911. The fire department used some big scissor things to cut the belts away then they slowly cut the cardboard tube and peeled it off. After about 20 minutes they got this thing off the kid. He had a couple of minor cuts on his shaft, but was otherwise okay. They had to call his mom to treat him so she had to leave work and come home and now has to take him to the doctor to make sure he didn't do any real damage to himself. The moral of the story goes, save your allowance and buy a real Fleshlight, don't try to make one on your own.

09-16-2010, 12:02 PM	#3
woj <&(©¿©)&> Industry Role: Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Chicago Posts: 47,882	__________________ Custom Software Development, email: woj#at#wojfun#.#com to discuss details or skype: wojl2000 or gchat: wojfun or telegram: wojl2000 Affiliate program tools: Hosted Galleries Manager Banner Manager Video Manager Wordpress Affiliate Plugin Pic/Movie of the Day Fansign Generator Zip Manager

09-16-2010, 12:02 PM	#4
MaDalton I am Amazing Content! Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2004 Posts: 39,828	he better practice facials with his friend the next time __________________ AmazingContent.com - providing only the best content and service since 2003 Monetize your content on Veegaz.com - one of Germanies largest VOD sites Got German traffic? We convert it into money for you! Skype: madalton02826 - Email: oltecconsult [at] gmail [dot] com

09-16-2010, 12:02 PM	#5
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09-16-2010, 12:03 PM	#6
st0ned Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Arizona Posts: 8,437	LMAO. I always see these tutorials on how to make a homemade one showing up near my promotions for the fleshlight. Too bad this isn't an actual news story so that I could discredit them and get more sales! __________________ Conversion Sharks - 1,000+ adult dating offers, traffic management, and consistently high payouts. We will guarantee and beat your current EPC to win your dating traffic! Skype: ConversionSharks \|\| Email: info /@/ conversionsharks.com

09-16-2010, 12:00 PM	#2
moeloubani Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Ontario Posts: 4,235	moral of the story should be get better porn, jizz faster and slide out before the collapse!!

09-16-2010, 12:08 PM	#7
2intense Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Google Posts: 12,461	__________________ Most Affordable Firewall & Malware Protection for Linux Servers

09-16-2010, 12:09 PM	#8
u-Bob there's no $$$ in porn Industry Role: Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: icq: 195./568.-230 (btw: not getting offline msgs) Posts: 33,063	ouch

09-16-2010, 12:11 PM	#9
cambaby So Fucking Banned Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: CR Posts: 3,141	Uhm theres a better way to make your own fleshlight see sig

09-16-2010, 12:12 PM	#10
poncabare Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: carmel Posts: 2,552	thats awesome

09-16-2010, 12:14 PM	#12
ottopottomouse She is ugly, bad luck. Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 13,177	Ouch . __________________ ↑ see post ↑ 13101

09-16-2010, 12:15 PM	#14
Jarmusch Industry Role: Join Date: May 2003 Posts: 12,464	I blame the tube sites he was browsing while using it.

09-16-2010, 12:17 PM	#15
kristin GOO! Industry Role: Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Back Home : ) Posts: 9,768	That's awesome, what a doofus. __________________ Vacares rules. "Usually only fat guys have the kind of knowledge and ability that Kristin has."

09-16-2010, 12:17 PM	#16
Yngwie I am an Alien from space Industry Role: Join Date: May 2003 Location: Ontario, Canada Posts: 11,118	I'm just wondering how anyone can get stuck when all of the things used can be cut/loosened? The cardboard tube "collapsed"? sorry, not stuck.. Cut it or wait, loose the hard on and VOILA! . Belts too tight? Loosen the fucking thing.. Common sense unless he's a complete moron. Maybe I'm missing something here, but this just sounds like something that even a mentally handicapped person would be like "wtf??? did you really need to call 911 for that??" __________________ ICQ: 16544251 - Skype: gator37 @ eastlink.ca - email: yngwie @ isys.ca

09-16-2010, 12:19 PM	#17
TeenSluts Confirmed User Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 1,966	hahahahaha

09-16-2010, 12:21 PM	#18
flashfire ICQ 1 6 7 8 5 3 4 9 2 Join Date: Feb 2003 Posts: 13,098	lol don't forget to pull out

09-16-2010, 12:22 PM	#19
pornguy Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Homeless Posts: 62,911	Damn that will be all over his school FAST. __________________ PornGuy skype me pornguy_epic AmateurDough The Hottes Shemales online! TChicks.com \| Angeles Cid \| Mariana Cordoba \| MAILERS WELCOME!

09-16-2010, 12:23 PM	#20
Amputate Your Head There can be only one Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: Somewhere else Posts: 39,075	__________________ SIG TOO BIG

09-16-2010, 12:27 PM	#21
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09-16-2010, 12:42 PM	#22
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09-16-2010, 12:46 PM	#23
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09-16-2010, 12:52 PM	#25
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09-16-2010, 12:54 PM	#27
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09-16-2010, 01:07 PM	#28
itx Confirmed User Join Date: Aug 2007 Posts: 977	Ouch! better get a real fleshlight

09-16-2010, 01:19 PM	#29
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09-16-2010, 01:24 PM	#30
$5 submissions I help you SUCCEED Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: The Pearl of the Orient Seas Posts: 32,195	Hilarious. Now he knows what he wants for Christmas. __________________ Need a NON-ADULT income stream? We build your YOUTUBE CHANNEL for only $20 per video! For Hire: $3/hour or $400 per month Marketing Specialist Virtual Assistants

09-16-2010, 01:59 PM	#32
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09-16-2010, 02:19 PM	#33
Chezter Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Brno, Czech rep. Posts: 565	Haha, I cannot imagine anything more embarrassing than this.

09-16-2010, 02:35 PM	#34
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09-16-2010, 02:44 PM	#35
tiger Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: Los Angeles Posts: 6,986	LOL, he might as well move to another country now. __________________

09-16-2010, 02:54 PM	#36
Chosen VIPPay.com \| AdultWebSponsors.com Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2001 Posts: 63,151	Shit happens...

09-16-2010, 03:01 PM	#37
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09-16-2010, 03:12 PM	#40
Altwebdesign Guest Posts: n/a	where do people get these ideas from?!