I think everyone got carried away with this thread

All I am saying, is, I don't really like or care about being alive and I have felt that way since I was old enough to think or talk. I'm not suicidal or whatever else like that- I just do not like being human.

If there were not people who love me and who would grieve, I would not be alive. If not for them I would pull a trigger- right now.

But, since there are those people, I keep myself going. I am not going allow them to take up my WHOLE life anymore but I am not going to bail on them and die, neither.

And the point of that is- I'm not some sucker who's going down for years at a time. If I was ever up to something that had a stiff sentence coming with it, and they came for me, I would pull a trigger. Not on them- but on me.

Also, there would be nothing wrong with doing so. I don't owe anyone anything and if they came for me over a victimless offense I would not owe any suffering, not truly. Meaning that I would not truly owe them the time I'd be "getting out of" by dying.

I figure that is the ONLY way I would be willing to do crimes with stiff sentences. If I had the peace of mind of knowing that I could die when they came for me. And like I said I would never do anything that caused harm against individuals.. MAYBE POSSIBLY I would, against bad individuals (chomos or thieves or rapists), I suppose.

The confusing part is that my brain seeks action in business. I do not seek action. I like to sit in my chair in my smoking jacket reading a book or watching my programs. I am not a partier or any of that stupid shit. But when it comes to business- I have ALWAYS leaned toward enjoying something with some excitement. Some risk. Some thrill of the hunt type of component.

I am sorry if my thinking out loud had offended anyone or if anyone got the wrong idea.

And here you are sucking up our energy, you like it to much to see yourself speak

I am very tired and, what did you say?
If you're speaking in terms of me taking up your time and/or other resources, that's your fault for clicking on my thread- then.