Attractive women are frequently drawn to the exception to the rule. When you are hit on all day, everyday... you won't notice or care about one more douche bag trying to impress you by kissing your ass. Her defensive wall is up, she won't let you in and its hard to get past.

Act disinterested, and now she's a bit confused and other behaviors kick in and fully take over.

Don't think about today. Think about us 10,000 or 100,000 years ago. Think about us in small tribes of 50-100. Think about what it means when in that small circle of people, and with those limited options, you have been rejected by one of only very few qualified mates.

Deep inside them a panic starts brewing... the panic of being rejected as a potential mate... and then by future mates and having limited options. Imagine how that works in that tribal existence. Everyone knows you were rejected. That signals to everyone that even though mates are scarce, you are so fucked up that you were rejected. I think this basic primitive instinct is at the core of why they start becoming the pursuer when you show a lack of interest. They go into overdrive trying to correct your understanding and perception of them and to make sure no one else see's or perceives the same thing.

The opposite of this is why women are drawn to men with wedding rings. Basically, it signals that the male has successfully gone through the vetting process and has been deemed a suitable mate. This in turn, makes him more attractive to other women.

Just do whatever you want to do whenever you want to do it and things will somehow, some way eventually fall into place. While TheSquealer is giving some excellent advice, that's just what works for him. It also actually happens to be quite similar to what has worked for me over the years but it's not the only way. If you want to treat a girl like a princess, that's fine, just figure out a better way to do it. You can read a million articles in like GQ or Details, you can get tons of advice from people on internet forums, or you can read dozens of books but what matters most is personal experience and that takes time.

Regarding hero's, Harvey from the series Suits is a hero to me.

He doesn't take shit, he's never under pressure, he always has the answer and he is one of the best closers, in the show he can take any woman home.

I have in business said to myself, what would Harvey do - as on the show he finds creative ways to deal with issues and he is able to read people, able to handle situations tactfully etc.

Maybe I need to apply this Harvey attitude to more of my life, particularly dating.

Not being the nice guy is going to be an extreme change as that is the only approach I have ever used, and to be honest I haven't got far - not far at all.

Maybe its time for a change, maybe I should show some attitude, let them know I'm awesome and they would be lucky to be with me.

I see myself as always being a gentleman, from bringing her a chair to opening the door etc etc

I once nearly even asked a friend if he would rather let his girlfriend walk so he could give this girl a lift instead - she saw this and it didn't go down well.

Truth is, I could write a decent list of times that I think I've made mistakes with this girl that we're discussing now. :(

Never try to be what you think someone wants. Be yourself, a short lived relationship isn't a failure it's what was meant to be. Don't force anything, don't change. Smile, be courteous, move on.

The one person I guarantee you will wake up with every morning and need to be satisfied with is yourself.

Are you happy with yourself?

Yeah, it's a good movie. It came out when I was in college. Here's another scene...

This is the only post you need in this situation. It helped me think, too, and I am not facing what you are dealing with (but have in the past).

When I was shaken and depressed about a girl leaving me (we lived together and one day when I got home I saw her bags packed) I turned to the Internet and Googled 'How to get over your ex-girlfriend" and found a great Blog with many experiences. They all ended up like the advice from TheSquealer. There were so many guys sharing the basic aftermath of a breakup (how they felt, the obsession/depression, etc) that it took me like 5 days to read everything. LOL But it helped (misery loves company) and then, after a couple weeks or so, I went out and met some girls. In time I was fine.

So don't let a lot of your life go by focusing on this situation. Focus on the FUTURE man. Set Goals, be social, work out, watch funny movies, work harder and it will all be in the past before you realize it. Good luck!

great troll, is this the same person all week doing these? I'm very impressed :thumbsup

LOL mah mahn

Excellent advice. :thumbsup

Here's some free advice that will actually change your life:

Do not "be yourself". Be who you WANT to be. What do I mean? From your approach with this girl to your posts about this subject here, it is obvious that you do not even know who "you" are yet. Which is ok and perfectly normal. Sometimes tho "fake it til you make it" can be powerful, as long as you choose a persona that doesn't lead you to be an arrogant asshole. LOL

Google Cary Grant/Archie Leech and see how he transformed his life from a cockney circus clown (yes) into one of the most sophisticated, charming and impressive leading men in Hollywood history. :)

Cheers!

It's important to understand that you don't have to be mean or a dick or get an attitude. It can be playful and fun. You have to be something thats congruent with your personality... you just need to stop doing some simple things that demonstrates weakness, lower social value etc.. It doesn't have to be a radical personality change. I mean, you can jokingly say "i'm shocked you haven't offered to buy me a drink yet" to a girl you just started talking to and have a funny reply to why you never buy women drinks or something or that disqualifies yourself as being interested in her like "you're not the type of girl i buy drinks for" .... where she obviously asks "what type of girl do you buy drinks for" and you have a funny reply ready,... or something that piques her interest, makes her ask more questions and leads into another funny conversation and keep the conversation moving with scripted stuff if you need to, until you don't need to.

in case this isn't a troll thread, this is perfect advice for everyone anyway. Be true to yourself. Fuck games.

As it happens, I'm a lot like squealer in using cutting/seemingly mean humour as a defence mechanism, amongst a fuckton of other things, and also funnily enough, I've never got so much pussy (albeit spiradically and in bursts) as the last 4 years since I came out of my marriage (with the 1st 14 months to get over the split in the first place), I'm sure thanks to being pretty distant, not wanting a relationship in any way, shape, or form (though not being a dick about anything), not running to answer texts or fb messages etc - not because I was running any game - far from it in fact - but purely because I was being true to myself for the first time in years.

When I was ready, when the time was right, whatever you want to call it, and I'd had enough of one nighters, I met a girl who I've not too long ago started a relationship with, and that was by being 'nice' and 'attentive' etc - not out of any game plan, but just by being true to myself at that period of my life.

Just in case it hasn't sunk in for anyone who may be interested lol - be true to yourself always, and you'll see how that's the best thing you can ever do :thumbsup

True. Who the hell is oneself anyway?? It's all fiction.

That's hard hitting, thank you. I do want to be happy with myself, and maybe that's something I need to actively work on.

http://i.imgur.com/XPkyTGA.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/gh8HLai.jpg

:thumbsup

Very true, this is probably the furthest I've ever been in terms of conversation, interaction and deep feelings for a girl. Actually thinking about it now, it might be the actual furthest. So this could explain why I'm so hang up.

This is turning into a must see movie for me!

I wish this was a troll attempt to be honest. I've already wasted too many hours, too much money and too much emotion on this girl. I need to get over this so I can live my life again.

I think you hit the nail on the head, I would describe myself as a people pleaser.

If my friends say they want to go for Chinese and I really feel like Pizza, I would go to Chinese and not say a thing.

If I really want to watch a new movie that has come out, but they want to watch Sci fi (which I don't enjoy), then I would go with them.

By doing this, by always doing what they want and by me not putting my foot down and doing things that I enjoy, I think it leads to me not knowing who I am and what I enjoy.

This could actually be my main issue - that I'm a people pleaser/push over and therefore don't know what I am, and therefore can't expect to portray myself to someone else if I don't even know who I am?

not sure I buy that your 3rd post in 3 years was this thread (after your other 2 posts also being today), and the total opening up of some pretty personal stuff, but it's turned into an interesting discussion anyway :thumbsup

The problem with using a scripted line with a prepared response is that sometimes the girl's response will not warrant the prepared response and when that happens it can throw you off to where you don't know what to say. That's why I've hardly ever really used 'lines'. I like to stay limber. I think the only line that I've actually ever used multiple times was simply 'Nice face!'. It's a complement and it's funny (at least to me) but you never know what the response will be, so there's no sense in preparing one.

That sounds awesome, make them work for it! Usually I'm doing all the chasing.

Doing things to not lower my social value is something that I definitely need to keep in mind, I can see that I am lowering my value which is extremely detrimental.

I don't want to show weakness, because that bruises the confidence and hurts the image.

This is something I need to keep in mind and need to avoid.

Maybe you might enjoy the company of another man. Just to help you get over her and find yourself. :thumbsup

Its actually my first post, the other posts today were testers.

I actually visit this forum regularly (almost daily, if not weekly), and I know the posters on here say it like it is - meaning they don't take shit and I felt this is the perfect place to try and get some straight forward advice, and more honestly brutal feedback such as grow a pair - because sitting alone listening to romantic songs and looking at a few photos of her and I at events is a bit stupid and I'm over having these emotions holding me down.

The point is that you have to start somewhere and with something. No way is perfect. But winging it is not good for someone who has to start from the beginning. It's always better to have prepared topics of discussion, lines/jokes etc adn use them and learn to use them better and better until you don't need them.

;)

I'm terrible (have been in the past anyway) for being a people pleaser, in certain situations. all I'll say is I've learnt in the last few years that if I say no to doing something I don't want to do, people aren't going to dislike me for it. For me personally it hasn't meant I don't know who I am, so I can't comment on that, but seems a person like you describes has a lot of issues with over-thinking and over-analyzing, and those 2 traits I definitely have. It's a fucker though as it ties in with being able to see many perspectives/angles on a subject, whereas most people, I'd venture to guess, have a fixed opinion. So then what happens is you come over as argumentative, when in fact it's just you can emotionally detach, and see those shades of grey. But I digress :-)

Thank you for the input, I like that advice, I need to focus on myself but I'm definitely longing for someone to enjoy special times with, someone to take on dates, to enjoy new experiences etc - but they need to be worth while and obviously they need to appreciate it.

I see relationships as an investment, both financially but more importantly emotionally. I think I need to guard myself a little more and not go all in, as with this case.

I want to be Harvey, how Harvey handles business, how he handles conflict, how he handles negativity and how he walks into a room and demands attention by simply being there. Thank you, I'm going to actively try and apply the Harvey persona into my life.

Have you watched the series Suits?

Another thing to consider... if you want to be interesting to women. BE interesting. Do interesting things. Have interesting experiences. get out, take pics, have fun and be fun. Fill your facebook page full of you being awesome and interesting and having fun. gives you lots to talk about. Go skydiving. Go white water rafting. Take a cool road trip and take lots of cool pics. Go to concerts and races and fights. etc etc etc. What would James Bond do? Get to it. Always have tons of shit to talk about and sometimes be too busy doing awesome things to return a text or call or to meet for lunch and then show the pics when you finally get a chance to meet up with her - if she asks.

never once used anything scripted, or any 'line' or 'routine' etc, so guess I've been lucky in the fact I didn't have to do that shit as I'm naturally hilarious and quick witted as fuck, along with being extremely modest. I fucking cringe whenever I hear anyone using scripted stuff, and am fucking amazed any girl falls for that shit. In fact I'm sure they ignore the script the guy is using, and go along with it rather than anything, based on instant attraction, or not.

Here's the bottom line mate: you have to act as if you do not need them or want them then they will want you.

It's like going into a bank for a loan. When you actually NEED the money you will probably get turned down for this reason or that. But if you have tons of money banks will fall all over themselves to give you more.

This is why I mentioned Cary Grant and TheSquealer mentioned James Bond. Act as if you are the person you want to become and you WILL become that person. You are spending way too much time here "taking notes" when mostly everything we are telling you comes from an unconscious place, a natural place without having to think about it.

There are 4 stages of mastery. Anyone who has driven a stick shift car will know what I am talking about.

Stage 1: Unconscious INcompetance: You don't know jack shit and you don't even know you don't know jack shit.

Stage 2: Conscious Incompetance: You don't know jack shit but now at least you KNOW you don't know jack shit - and are opening to learning.

Stage 3: Conscious Competance: You are getting better but you still have to "think" about it, check your notes, follow a script. Until...

Stage 4: UNconscious Competance: You just KNOW how to do something. Driving that stick shift is so natural now you don't even think about the clutch or shifting. It's become a part of you.

It takes time and experience to get to Stage 4 in any endeavor but if you are aware of where you stand (I am guessing Stage 2 right now) you can get there much faster.

In other words: Zen. "Be, do not do." Is that Zen? LOL

(Have not seen Suits but will check it out for sure.)

I was at a club this weekend and I met a lovely girl, this is how it went down.

I saw she had a local registration plate, which was good - so she walked into the club with another female, she looked around and then went to the balcony. The whole time I was observing.

The two of them stayed there and I was trying to muster up the courage to go talk to them. I thought maybe they didn't know anyone, but I wasn't sure.

A few minutes later a guy walked up to them, and they chatted. Now I was getting pissed with myself because that could have been me.

Then they went into the club and another guy spoke to them, now I was in third place.

Eventually they sat close to me and I mustered up the courage, the one I liked was alone so I put my hand out, introduced myself and asked the basic questions such as:

1. Do you come here often
2. What do you do, we chatted about her job, education etc and then mine
3. I asked about pets, I'm a huge cat fan and that gives me an opportunity to show them pictures of my cat on my phone. (hope this isn't showing weakness?)
4. I show them a picture of when I had a beard and I ask their opinion if it looked good
5. We chatted about some other mundane things

I usually offer her a drink after some chatting, or if I feel the chatting has got slower or has stopped. If they say no I am a little taken back, but I try to keep the convo going then.

At this stage I started to sweat, but I could feel it was a lot of sweat, the type that sweat beads started to form on my forehead and under my nose etc (sadly this happens when I'm nervous or in a sticky situation - I sweat, a lot!).

So I faked a phone call to walk away and wipe the sweat with a handkerchief.

I got a drink and later got back, now a little cooled down and we chatted a little more.

This above is basically how all my encounters have gone so far, any advice on what I'm doing? Are my topics terrible? They do seem boring, but that's how I've mainly been doing it?

Sorry, one last pithy thing to add: I used to worry about how I looked, what I wore, how much I weighed, etc etc. Then one day it hit me like a lightning bolt. The ONLY thing I have to be to a woman is...interesting. That's it. that's the secret of "How did HE get HER?" and why you see gorgeous women with fugly shmoos. The ugly shmoos have no choice but to be interesting. If you have any looks at all then you become James Bond or Cary Grant. :)

:thumbsup

Good point. I guess it's just been so long since I've had any problems with starting a conversation that I've forgotten how much of a bitch it was back in the day.

Talk to as many girls are possible, go out, socialize.

My point was that you can write your own script and use it. Just notes of topics and lines and jokes. Not use canned lines from a pick up site that everyone has heard a 1000 times. However, that works just fine as well and you can adjust as needed based on feedback/response. What you say to initiate a conversation is not as important as the next things you say. My personal thing is to be different and be yourself at the same time. Pickup is sales. Usually a sales pitch starts with a retarded/transparent opener... but if you are interested in the product, you'll keep listening until they fully blow it or sell you on it.

To borrow a couple of phrases:

1. The more you tighten your grip, the more will slip through your fingers

2. life is like a fart... if you have to force it, it's likely to turn into a shit

Relax, go with the flow of life, don't force things, be like water that naturally runs around rocks and gets to where it gets to, not the water that crashes into the rocks over and over :thumbsup

Sounds like tree-hugging hippie bullshit I realise lol, but once that became clear for me, it made all the difference in the world. That may not be your thing, horses for courses and all that, but it's just another way of looking at the 'be true to yourself' thing :thumbsup

I'm the same, I over analyse and over think everything which usually takes away my happiness.

For example, I recently had a check up at the Doctors and I was asked to pee in a cup. I asked the nurse if this was for a drug test, to which she replied, no it was to test for proteins.

A few hours later I thought about that conversation and I was shocked that I asked that, I think I basically gave her the impression that I was worried about drugs etc. And then I worry about how she looked at me, does she now think I take drugs, is she guessing what drugs I might have taken etc.

Thinking about it now, it would have been much better to ask, "What does the urine test, test?"

:1orglaugh:1orglaugh:1orglaugh:1orglaugh

I got the girl I liked when I stopped being a wimp and grew a pair. Then she was (and still is) all over it.

Thank you, that's a good idea - I've listed a few topics that I mentally have on hand and that I use when talking to new girls, if you have any suggestions please add them.

I would like to be more interesting, and like you say - that will take some pressure off on the other aspects of looks etc.

That's the spirit, I would love to be able to say that one day :thumbsup

Thank you, that might be the best way to learn, make mistakes and meet more girls and therefore not get hang up.

Please take a look at the scenario I posted above, do you have any other suggestions for topics that I should use?

PS: Thank you for all your advice so far, I'm definitely learning a lot here. :thumbsup

Yeah, maybe I am rushing and there shouldn't be a reason to rush just yet