Sorry to hear man. TBH I would rather be dead if I was turning into a potato. Life isn't fair but the best thing I would wish for is to be put out of my misery. If I can't control my thoughts or actions what's the point? I would expect the same respect

Sorry Scott..must be horrible:(

I know what you are saying, and i am angry at the disease. But when i see how he speaks to her, usually because he has had a drink, my blood boils and i just lose it.

She isn't doing things wrong on purpose. Yet he acts/shouts like she is.

I have spoke to him about it (when he's sober) but he then just feels we are picking on him. Yes it must be horrible to live with, but it's his wife. And if it was the other way around, she would cope 10x better. He even admitted that himself.

Probably just a woman instinct thing...

sorry to hear about your mother Scott. Life's too short, wishing you strength when you go to see her & appreciate she's still alive to hold & speak to. Remember, your memories are important.

When my grandad went in to a home he loved it. He was losing his mind at the end and would repeat everything a few times. I know it must be no help but wish you all the best in dealing with this.

My father has been struggling with the mild onset of dementia at 86. To be full blown before 65 is staggering to me.

My father is insanely mean and nasty to me non stop. He gaslights you so you question if you said what you think you did or he did. I am now at the point I record all conversations.

To play back the nastiness and abusiveness is difficult to hear but I realize this is mostly the disease.

I didn't want to make this thread about me and my issues. I am looking at my situation right now and considering myself lucky he lasted so long where hearing about what you are dealing with.

Help your father as much as you can. Don't just visit, stay with your mother and give him time off. Give him days off. Most people don't realize how demanding it is to be a caregiver. His drinking more is a sign that he needs a break, that he needs help. You don't want to see her in a home then help care for her. Find out how demanding it is for your father.

For what it's worth, these are good starting points if you do decide to research it further:
https://www.foundmyfitness.com/news/t/alzheimer's
https://www.reddit.com/r/Alzheimers/
https://www.sciencedaily.com/news/mi...zheimer's/

(CBD, probiotics, ketogenic diets and plenty of practical advice you and your family can use...some as simple as calming her by creating a playlist of her favorite music, like you mentioned)

Stay strong, Scott.

I had them both at my house till 2am this morning. Dad had a drink which was fine and my wife and i did our best making sure mum had fun. (Food, fave music on tv etc). It was a fun night and needs to be done more often...

Absolutely needs to be done more often and not trying to sound insensitive but it’s not enough Scott. What your father is doing is both mentally and physically demanding on him. Your father has not only lost his wife as he knew her, but he has lost every bit of freedom he may have had. He’s lost doing things he may have enjoyed, he’s lost hobbies he may have had, he’s lost everything that helped to keep him going. We often think how bad this disease is for the person who has it, but seldom think how bad it is for the person who cares for them. Your father is not doing 8 to 5 and then going home to sit down to relax like workers in a home do. He’s doing 24/7 every day of the year. Sure he loves her and would do anything for her, but he needs to do for himself too.

You sound like you have siblings in the area also. Let me suggest that each of you take your mother for a weekend out of the month and give your father a break. Surely 1 weekend is not too much for you and your siblings to help. And you shouldn’t ask to do this, you should demand it. The quality of your father’s life will improve. And the quality of his care for your mother will improve.

In the US we have something called Hospice. If you have something like that over there take full advantage of it. They help so much. In the US they also provide something called Respite care https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Respite_care Respite care is for the caregiver. Something your father desperately needs.

Your father is doing a great thing for your mother. It’s so easy to put someone in a home where they are out of sight, out of mind and live your life as you have. It’s also so easy to visit for a few hours and then return home to live your life as you have. Take this OPPORTUNITY to help your mother live out her life as comfortable as she can. Then there will be no regrets. No wishing you could have done more when it’s too late.

I hope the best for your mother. I see it firsthand every day with my own mother. It’s a terrible disease that leaves its victims scared and alone. It isolates them from reality. As family, we try to assure them things are ok, and give them familiar faces and voice to reassure them it will be ok. I commend your father for what he is doing. But he can’t do it alone.

Best of luck and keep up the hope

Thanks for those words.

Yeah the things he used to enjoy doesn't happen anymore so yeah i need to always keep that in mind.

He loved nothing more than going to the soccer games (had season tickets for about 30 years) and if not would enjoy watching the away games at local bars etc. None of that happens for him now. He relies on catching some games on tv at most.

So yeah i get that it's turned his life upside down aswell.

My brother does live close by and needs to get his ass down more often. I think sometimes he feels the less he knows the better.

We could all do that. I could go weeks at a time without seeing them. But i visit each day. Some short visits, so visits for hours taking up much of my nights at times.

So i try do as much work as possible as early as possible...

Scott, i'm sorry to hear it.

We went through the same issue. My grandma passed away this january (2016) after a battle with dementia. As her husband passed away 3 years ago, she was living alone and slowly sled into this all. It started not being able to perform everyday tasks, to complete random sh*t (storing frozen foods in the microwave, etc) and babbling about tourists living in the other room. Many times when she didn't answer a phone call, I rushed over there (other side of the city) and found her lying on the floor, complaining about "those stupid fucks not letting me stand up" and thinking there is no problem at all. I was also called by her panicked saying her cat passed away. I rushed there naturally and found the cat alive and well, granny not even remembering she called me.. The worst of it all: the complete lack of awareness about her sickness. When we even mentioned a doctor, she started to yell she is OK and leave her alone. When we mentioned a nursing home, we were almost banned from her flat for ever. Even until the last days she insisted she will go to work and we (me & my mother) don't have to. It was painful watching someone fade away, remaining a confused, near-empty husk of a person she was once. I was the only person she had a good connection with from the family and it was vice versa so it was a really painful period. I share your pain dude.

You may try alternative medicine, but alternative medicine that's proven to work is called 'medicine' so i'd rather go with that, but mind you this is only delaying the inevitable. Keep it strong!

I'm getting more forgetful. Things like Alzheimer's scare me. Would rather go out with a bang.

Wife says fine so long as it's not on her. LOL

Sorry to hear Scott. My brother and I are going through the same thing with my mother at the moment. It is very tough to deal with on a day to day basis.

Sadly, due to advances in other healthcare areas, dementia is now the biggest killer in the UK and the system is in no way ready for it.

Make sure you are speaking to all of the right people - consultants, support groups, social work, DSS, local council etc and find out what is available for her and for the family.

I wish you all the best.

Would it be possible for you or your brother to go out to the bar with your dad to watch a game while the other one of you sit with mom? I bet that would be very welcome. Your mom might appreciate some time away from your dad, also. Maybe take her out to the mall for some walking and new scenery?