A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl's grandmother. On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?" "Of course not, dear." replied the mother, "Why would you think that?" "The tombstone back there said 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.

I sure love being a winnar!

almost there agian

An industrious turkey farmer was always experimenting with breeding to perfect a better turkey.

His family was fond of the leg portion for dinner and there were never enough legs for everyone.

After many frustrating attempts, the farmer was relating the results of his efforts to his friends at the general store get together.

"Well I finally did it! I bred a turkey that has 6 legs!"

They all asked the farmer how it tasted.

"I Don?t know" said the farmer. "I never could catch the darn thing!"

Don Lapre?

20 posts left for teh rpize...

A five year old boy and his grandfather are sitting on the front porch together, when grandpa pulls a beer out of the cooler. The little boy asked, "Grandpa, can I have a beer?"

Grandpa replied, "Can your dick touch your ass?"

The little boy answered no. Grandpa said "Then you?re not man enough to have a beer."

A little later Grandpa lights up a cigar.

The little boy asked, "Grandpa, can I have a cigar?"

Once again, Grandpa asked, "Can your dick touch your ass?" The little boy answered no, again.

Grandpa said, "Then your not man enough to have a cigar."

A little later, the little boy came out of the house with a cookie.

Grandpa asked, "Can I have a cookie?"

The boy asked "Can your dick touch your ass?"

Grandpa replied, "Hell yeah my dick can touch my ass!"

The boy replied, "Then go fuck yourself, Grandma made these cookies for me

Pork!

An old couple walks into the bar, and the husband goes over and starts flirting with some young women. And the bartender ways to the wife, ?Doesn?t it bother you that your husband is always making passes at the younger women around here??
?No, no, not really,? the wife says. ?I mean, dogs chase cars, but that doesn?t mean they know how to drive.?

Cyberage OWNES!

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I?m the breadwinner of the family, so let?s call me capitalism. Your Mom, she?s the administrator of the money, so we?ll call her the Government. We?re here to take care of your needs, so we?ll call you the people. The nanny, we?ll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we?ll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents? room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny?s room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."

The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."

The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep poo."

You...Got...Pwnd!

little boy is dressed as a pirate captin for Halloween. He knocks on the door of a house and a lady answers.

She says "Well, well little boy, what are you supposed to be?"

He says "I am a pirate captain".

She says "Well--where are your buccaneers?"

He says "Right here under my bucken hat.

My turn to win :D

You can't time these contests, all you can do is postwhore!

another try

Cyberage :thumbsup

This Indian lad was trying to understand the reason why he and his sibling had the names they had so he asked his mother: ?Mom, why is my brother?s name Windstorm??
She answered: Because he was conceived during a windstorm.
Well, why is my sister?s name Moonshine? She answered again: Because she was conceived when the moon was shining.
The poor little boy looked sad and confused.
His mother said, ??why are you so sad and confused Broken rubber??

Cyberage 4 LIFE!!!

X

:bowdown CyberAge is The Best!

x

again?

woot

hope I can win it this time

Tastes Like Chiken!

There were two men standing at the medicine isle in the supermarket the first man said "viagra is the greatest drug in the world it has helped my love life and I feel much better about my self." the second man replied "wow it helped you that much! Can you get it over the counter." the first man said, "Ya probably, if I take two of them at once."

WOOT

Sorry! The administrator has specified that The Apprentice can only post one message every 15 seconds.

aww so close :)

damn...I never win...I am giving it up...

Comes out of nowhere to win :321GFY

Will I win again?

A ventriloquist got a gig at the local pub, and went through his usual routine, but half way through his blonde jokes a 260 lb blonde stood up and shouted, ?These jokes are discriminating to blondes. It?s people like you who stop us reaching our full potential in life and to achieve our very best. ?Just as the embarrassed ventriloquist started to apologize, the blonde shouts at the ventriloquist, ?you stay out of this Mister, I?m talking to that jerk on your knee.

Excuse me? What do you think you're doing?!

A husband comes home and says to his wife" we?ve tried 69 lets try 68"
She says, "What?s that?" He says, " you do me and I?ll owe you one."

A guy goes to the doctor. He says to the doctor, "Doc, you got to help me, I?ve had this erection for weeks. It hurts so bad, I can?t put up with it anymore. So, can you help me?" The doctor says, "I can help you." So he licks his two fingers and smacks the guy?s dick. Then a bug flew off and his dick went back to normal. Then the guy said, "Doc, I feel great now! How much do I owe you?" The doctor says, "Find me that bug and you don?t owe me nothing?."

damn right lol

On to 600

This man walked out of the bar, very drunk. He decided he would walk home instead of drive. A policeman saw him walking so he pulled up on the side of him and asked, "What the hell are you doing?" The man looked at the policeman and said, "Going to a lecture." The policeman said, "Who is giving a lecture at this time of the night?" The man replied, "My wife.