No, say it aint so!

A waitress walking to a table in a restaurant sees 4 foreign businessmen, furiously jerking off. She takes their orders and before walking back she asks the businessmen: "gentlemen, may I ask you, why are you so frantically jerking off? "
The businessmen reply: "menu says: first come first served?

he's just kidding man :glugglug

Little x loads faster

An alien is in a bar sitting next to this guy. Every time he takes a drink, he spins on his stool, pokes the guy next to him and goes bzzz. He does these two or three times. Finally the guy gets annoyed and tells the alien that if he doesn?t quit it, he will beat him up. The alien takes a drink, spins his stool, pokes the guy and goes bzzz. This infuriates the man, and he takes him outside and pulls down his pants and stands back aghast. "There?s nothing there! How so you people have sex?" The alien smiles, and goes bzzz

The owner of a large factory decided to make a surprise visit and check up on his staff. Walking though the plant, he noticed a young man leaning lazily against a post.

"Just how much are you being paid a week?" said the owner angrily.

"Three hundred bucks," replied the young man.

Taking out a fold of bills from his wallet, the owner counted out $300, slapped the money into the boy?s hands, and said "Here?s a week?s pay -- now get out and don?t come back!"

Turning to one of the supervisors, he said "How long has that lazy bum been working here anyway?"

"He doesn?t work here," said the supervisor. "He was just here to deliver a pizza

A farmer has three sons. One day his oldest comes to him and pleads with him that now that he is graduating from school he would really like to get a car.

His father says, "Son, come with me!" He takes him to the barn and points to the farm tractor and says, "This tractor is needed for the farm and I promise, as soon as it?s paid for, we?ll get you a car."

The boy was not too happy but he understood and said, "Ok, Dad." A week later his second son, (10 yr. old), approaches him wanting a new two wheel bike.

Well, he gets the same excuse "....as soon as the tractor is paid for...."

Shortly after that his youngest is bugging him for a tricycle. Again, old dad gives him the lecture about the tractor needing to be paid off first.

While leaving the barn, the young boy, a little disgusted with the whole thing, sees the rooster mating with one of the hens, and promptly goes over and kicks the rooster off the hens back, mumbling to himself. His dad says, standing near by says, "Son, why would you do something like that? He didn?t do anything to you to deserve that."

The little boy says "Hey, nobody rides anything around here until that damn tractor is paid off!!!

LOL

Walking into the bar, Harvey said to the bartender, "Pour me a stiff one, Eddie. I just had another fight with the little woman."
"Oh yeah," said Eddie. "And how did this one end?"
"When it was over," Harvey replied, "she came to me on her hands and knees."
"Really? Now that?s a switch! What did she say"?
"She said, ?come out from under that bed, you gutless weasel!!!

A doctor takes off his glasses, rubs his eyes, and says to Mr. Smith, ?I have some bad news. The tests results came back positive for cancer. Now, I can help you through this wit counseling. I have a one o?clock tee time, why don?t you join me.?
They go to the golf course, and on the first tee the patient runs into a few guys he knows and he tells the he is dying of AIDS. Curious, the doctor asks, ?Why are you telling everyone you are dying of AIDS when in fact you are dying of cancer??
The guy looks at the doctor and in a very low voice says, ?I don?t want any of my friends sleeping with my wife after I die.?

A man had a hobby of hitting lawyers with his car every time one happened to cross his path.
The man sees a priest hitchhiking on the side of the road, so he picks him up and says: "where to father" the priest replies, "the church". On the way, the man sees a lawyer and swerves to hit him, he then remembers he has a priest in the car and tries to miss the lawyer but he still hears a thud.
The man says to the priest: "I?m sorry father, I almost hit that lawyer" the priest says "It?s ok, I got him with the door"

Brian and Cindy Blossom were about to have their first wedding anniversary and Cindy wanted to do something special. She decided to get a tattoo because Brian thought they were very sexy. She goes to the tattoo parlor and can?t decide on a design, so she decides to get Brian?s initials BB tattooed on her ass. She gets a B on each cheek. She goes home and waits for Brian to come home. When she hears his car pull into the driveway, she drops her pants bends over and grabs her ankles making her new tattoo the first thing he sees when he walks in. The door opens, her husband walks in and with an angered look on his face he yells "WHO THE HELL IS BOB?"

:1orglaugh U stole my strategy :(

A man telephones a law office and says: "I want to speak to my lawyer.
The receptionist replies: I?m sorry but he died last week.
The next day the same man phones again and asks the same question. The receptionist replies "I told you yesterday, he died last week."
The next day the man calls again and asks to speak to his lawyer. By this time the receptionist is getting a little annoyed and says "I keep telling you that your lawyer died last week. Why do you keep calling?"
The man says, "Because I just love hearing it."

PF only 18 more to go bud :thumbsup

A man goes to his doctor for his annual exam. After some tests, the doctor comes in and says, " I have some bad news, you?ll only have 18 more erections in your life." The man, disheartened, rushes home. "Honey!" he yells. "I?m only going to have 18 more erections in my life!" His wife, horrified, says, " Well, that?s okay, we?ll just have to use them sparingly that is all." The man says, " What in the hell are you talking about? You?re not on the list."

A Russian, an American and a Blonde were discussing space travel. The American argued that because they were the first to put a man on the moon, America was superior in space travel. The blonde stated her kind were going to be far superior to Russia and America because they were going to be the first to land on the sun. The Russian asked the blonde if she was nuts. Didn?t she know that it was impossible to land on the sun? The American asked her just how in the hell she thought they could accomplish this considering the heat and extreme brightness of the sun." well, duh!" the blonde replied. "we?re going at night."

A man and a little boy entered a barbershop together. After the man received the full treatment: shave, shampoo, manicure, haircut, etc. he placed the boy in the chair.
"I?m going to buy a green tie to wear for the parade," he said. "I?ll be back in a few minutes."

When the boy?s haircut was completed and the man still hadn?t returned, the barber said, "Looks like your daddy?s forgotten all about you." "That wasn?t my daddy," said the boy. "He just walked up, took me by the hand and said, ?Come on, son, we?re gonna get a free haircut!?"

90 year old man finally gets to see a doctor, the doctor asks him to explain the problem. The man says he wants the Dr. to lower his sex drive. The Dr. is taken aback a bit but finally asks the man, just how old are you? The man answers I am 90. The Dr., still a little confused says you are 90, and you want your sex drive lowered? Yes said the man, it?s all in my head and I want you to lower it.

Seventy-year-old Mr. Larson went to see his doctor.
?Marlow,? he said, ?I need something which will enable me to get an erection. What can you do? The doctor gave the man a shot of potency drug, but only charged him $50.00 for the office visit.
A few days later, thrilled with the results, Mr. Larson returned for a second injection. Only this time, before leaving, he gave the doctor a crisp $100 bill.
?But the bill is only $50.00.? ?I know,? he winked. ?The other $50.00 is from my wife.?

The man came to see the doctor about his constant fatigue and the doctor said, ?I?m afraid you?re going to have to give up sex.? The man said, ?But I?m a young guy. I?m in the prime of my life. How can I just give up sex?? ?Well,? the doctor said, ?you do what everyone does. You get married and you taper off gradually

If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up" said the sarcastic lecturer.
After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet. "Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" enquired the lecturer with a sneer.
"Well, actually I don?t," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yours

Well close to it.
I did some research and discovered that the little x loads faster due to its coding and l loads almost as fast.
You use a big X which loads quite fast too, but not as fast. :winkwink:

A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job.

In the first room, she said she would like a pale blue.

The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out "green side up!"

In the second room, she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow.

He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled "green side up!"

The lady was somewhat curious, but she said nothing.

In the third room, she said she would like it painted a warm rose color.

The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled "green side up!"

The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling ?green side up??"

"I?m sorry," came the reply. "But I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street.

Um let's see...you have 3 floors of offices - 80 plus full time employee's - these people have no idea what 9 figures really look like...they think someone making a couple million is a guru.

That doesn't change the fact about yellow cars & purple shirts.

Kicking doesn't = licking :winkwink:

A somewhat strange guy walks into a bar. The bartender notices him and watches as the man walks up to a group of men at a table and starts talking to them. The man then gets up and goes to the bartender and says..."I bet you $500 that I can piss in that shot glass on the back wall without spilling a drop." The bartender, thinking he could make himself a quick $500 takes the bet. The man then unzips his pants and starts pissing all over the bartender and the bar. He pisses on everything but the shot glass. When he is finished the bartender says,? well I guess you owe me $500." The man walks back over to the table and comes back and gives the bartender $500 the bartender then ask..."How did you get that money from them?" The man replies..."Well I just bet them $2,000 that I could piss all over you and your bar and you wouldn?t get ma

who won?

A 70-year-old man has never been married. One day he meets a beautiful 18-year-old girl, and it is love at first sight. They get married and go to Florida for their honeymoon. When they get back, his friend says to him, "So, tell me, how was it?" "Oh, it was beautiful," says the man.
"The sun, the surf, we made love almost every night, we--" His friend interrupts him. "A man your age! How did you make love almost every night?" "Oh," says the man, "we almost made love Monday, we almost made love Tuesday..."

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game.
They had great seats right behind the bench. After the game, he asked
her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she said,
"especially the really tight pants and all of the big muscles, but I
just couldn?t understand why they were killing each other for 25 cents."

Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What on earth do you mean?"

"Well, I saw them flip a coin and one team got it and then for the
rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: "Get the quarter back!
Get the quarter back!

A blind man and his guide dog enter a bar and find their way to a barstool. After ordering a drink, and sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender,

"Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke ?"

The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a husky, deep voice, the woman next to him says,

"Before you tell that joke, you should know something.The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde, and I?m a 6? tall, 200 lb.blonde with a black belt in karate. What?s more, the woman sitting next to me is blonde and she?s a weight lifter. The lady to your right is a blonde, and she?s a wrestler. Think about it seriously, Mister. You still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I?m gonna have to explain it five times."

Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. They tried and tried to get the door open, but they just couldn?t! The blonde with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to catch her breath. The other blonde said anxiously, "Hurry up! It?s starting to rain and the top is down.

yep

jesus, jokes galore!

A guy says, "I remember the first time I used alcohol as a substitute for women."

"Yeah what happened?" asked his friend.

The first guy replies, "Well,, I got my penis stuck in the neck of the bottle.

can't give up yet....

Must... postwhore...

Can't stop now...

A customer was continually bothering the waiter in a restaurant. First, he asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too cold, then he asked that it be turned down because he was too hot, and so it went for about a half an hour.

Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient. He walked back and forth and never once got angry. Finally, a second customer asked the waiter why he didn?t throw out the pest.

"Oh, I don?t care," said the waiter with a smile. "We don?t even have an air conditioner.

A masked gunman walks into a sperm bank, he points the gun at the woman behind the counter and tells her to drink the sample in front of her, the woman confused asked what? The man puts the gun to her head and says "I said drink that sample or I?ll kill you, so she does. Just then he takes off his mask and says "see honey its not so bad."

I'm a survivor!