I lived with my g/f for a few years.. one before she had the accident and 3 after she became paralyzed. It was really hard watching her go through hell, but damn she was strong and really kicked ass at getting her life back together.

I was amazed at how easy it was for her to get sick and learned a whole lot on caring for a triapalegic.

I will never forget when my then 2 year old would lay in the bed beside her and pretend he couldnt get up or move and said he was "amy"..she would laugh hard at his imitation.

Do you ever feel inadequate with the constant help offerings or get angered that people wont leave you alone?

Or is it a non issue since you have been in a wheel chair for so long?

One thing I always find funny... if I'm out with some friends and will start talking to someone random, just small chit-chat. Eventually they'll ask if the person I'm out with is either my brother or my nurse. What? Can't I have friends too?! What makes it even more funny is the person I'm with will look absolutely nothing like me, not even close, and they'll still ask "are you brothers?":1orglaugh

And I've gotten the sister thing a few times too. "Is she your sister?" Next time I think I'll reply "nah just some hooker I found downtown last night."

I've been asked this a few times. Help is easy to get. People are always pretty willing to help if need be. It does get annoying sometimes when people ask every 2 minutes if you need something. I have a big mouth, you'll know if I need something. :-)

Yeah I remember. It was roughly the size of a softball surrounding my spinal cord.
I was in the hospital for two months close to three. They were about ready to just send me home to adjust and live with the fact that I had gillian berea syndrome.

It is sort of a complicated issue, since after about two weeks into my initial stay I was very curious and became a "problem" patient. I constantly fought with the physical therapists. I kept saying I was in too much pain to do anything, which I was. They insisted I was just making it up and being lazy. (lots more to this story by the way) I also started reading all the assorted medical literature in the hospital in regards to my illness. This is where the problems really started. I knew damn well that I did not have gillian berea syndrome and that it had to be something else. So the just made new resident doctor and I began to really butt heads. Did not help at all that I was only twelve of course. It was very hard because not only was the doctor against me but he had all my relatives on his side. He was a doctor after all and I was just a kid. This resulted in the doctor fighting with me for no other reason than ego and he cancelled assorted tests (opps!).

Well back to sending me home. They were ready to just send me home and let me be. Well my parents felt that I at least needed to go to a rehab hospital to better learn how to be in a wheelchair and live a normal life. As luck would have it my grandfather is very high up in the Shriners organization and with a quick call he had me into Shriners hospital within a few days.

After arriving at Shriners hospital and getting checked in and shown around a bit. Getting my lectures on how they did not want to butt heads with me or have me fight all the time and all that happy horseshit (got to love how medical charts follow you through life) they scheduled my therapy for each day. The following day I met with my physical therapist and they had me doing some stretching on a mat. Well it hurt like fucking hell and at one point the therapist told me to sit still and she began to feel my neck area. Told me that was it for the day and sent me back to my room. Latter that night they sent me off to UCSF for a test. I was scheduled for surgery the following day. Apparently the therapist was able to visibly see the lump on the back of my neck and I indeed had a tumor.

Shriners brought in a top neurosurgeon and had my tumor removed. Followed that with some radiation treatments and walla it was all over. Therapy could finally begin and there was no more pain. To bad the damage had already been done though, and if the original doctor had not cancelled some of those other tests or even looked me over better everything would of been a lot different.

Honestly I have never felt inadequate in my life. Sure I will occasionally get frustrated that there is something I am unable to do myself, but I think that is normal of everyone.
You would be surprised how little people actually do offer help in reality. One would think that it happens a lot but really it does not. People in general are a lot more apt to ignore or go out of their way not to pay attention to you than to offer up assistance. It is a wheelchair thing. I do however have my own theory on this of course. Yet a blind person, a person in a cast, and so forth will get a lot more offers of help than a person in a chair.

One thing that does annoy me is the religious people. That alone is a different story all together.

This is true. My comment above was referring more to family and friends, they can get annoying sometimes, haha.

Yeah family and friends are a little different. Thankfully most of my friends know when to ask and not ask if I need help. Typical rule with them is if it looks like I do ask. Yes you can push me, assuming you can actually stear without running me into everything. Yes you can grab something that is up high. Yes you can put your shit in my lap and use me as a shopping cart.

Great thread ASM/Sly. My father is handicapped (although not in a wheelchair). He has had polio since he was 6 and can walk but only with braces on his legs. He continues to do things like golf. While I don't talk to him due to other issues anymore, he was always one to make fun of himself as well. I remember us out golfing with a group of 14 or so other guys and we asked him his score on the last hole and he fell down the hill and was like "4.....4" as he was falling. So we called him 44 for a long time and he always laughed. I learned at a young age the handicapped are no different than anyone else, but I did always get pissed when I saw some 16 year old come runing out of a store into a car in a handicapped spot. Always a pet peeve of mine.

Anyhow on to my question.

Do you ever feel like you are a burden? I guess I would think that if this was me, I would feel like I wouldn't want to put my family / friends through taking care of me and helping me do certain things. Your thoughts and again great info.

-Andy

I can not say I ever have felt like I was a burden on anyone in general. I was driving by age sixteen, was out of the house and living on my own by the age of eighteen. Have had more friends and such depend on me, live with me and so forth than I have ever depending on them. They needed places to stay, jobs and so forth. No one has really had to take care of me except when I am sick and that is just the normal taking care of a sick person that we all go through. I guess one could say I may have over compensated in life to ensure I was never a burden on anyone.

On the other side, if I know some people wish to do something or whatever that I know damn well I can not do, would not do, or generally would be useless attending I will just excuse myself from going. I may go to the lake with friends and just sit around while they swim (yes I can swim, I just usually do not) and that does not bother me. Though if they wish to maybe go up to some of the waterfalls and so forth I often will excuse myself from going. They would be more than happy to tug me along up the trails but alas I feel it would be more of a burden for them to do so and it rarely would interest me enough to go through with it typically. I know when and if I would actually enjoy doing something and that is the key. If I enjoy it and they know I do then nobody feels as if it is a burden at all.

I don't have anything to add, I just want to thank you guys for such an informative thread :) ASM, I've enjoyed your siggie for a long time so it's nice to know a little bit more about the STFU guy, lol.

When I still lived at home, yeh. ASM can take care of himself, I can't. Now that I live by myself I have people who work for me, so of course I wouldn't feel like a burden because its their job. Sometimes with friends I still do yeh, but on the flip side they get to do a lot of extra things because of me that they otherwise would never be able to do, so it evens out to a point.

You want to curb away from situations where people will feel like they "have" to do something for you instead of "wanting" to do something for you.

lol...i do miss using my husband as a shopping cart a bit when we were shopping. Or better yet when were coming back and he would hook the bags onto his chair so I could push him and not also have to be carrying stuff.

I am like a nazi on this even now. People parked in disabled spaces without a disabled badge (which you have to have in the UK to use those spaces) makes me so mad.

I would have thought the same thing until about 8 months ago. I met a girl in a wheelchair. Not only is she very cute, she is really "my type" with regard to her personality. I hit on her every time I see her. So far, nothing's workin'.

I was gonna ask what you thought of the film "murderball." I loved it and found it inspiring....but I would guess your perspective might be different. What did you think?

btw, this thread is awesome. The nuggests of wisdom hidden inbetween penis questions are golden.

ASM and Sly - this was a great read - kudos for being so honest and answering all questions.

I really hope you take full advantage of your disability where possible :)

A good mate of mine is deaf and going out anywhere with him is absolutely hilarious! He can lip read and talk BUT in public he sometimes switches off to get his own way ie when he's haggling price on anything - really opens up your eyes as to what people will do to get out of a situation they can't deal with.
Whenever I want a really good price on something I send him in - it's almost worth paying him to haggle.

I am glad someone gets the nuggets :)

To me murderball was about type A jocks who are now in wheelchairs. It was inspirational in its own ways. It also showed how some may over compensate or even make the able bodied feel disabled around them. Does that even make sense?

I have tried assorted sports but was never super into them. They are brutal and "we" seem to have zero sympathy for each other. My last sport attempt was water skiing and I will tell every one know that I will fucking never ever do that again. For those that are not to familiar with a handicapped water ski. It is a device the marque de sade would of been proud to call his own. It is effectively a snowboard type device with a rudder, on top of this is a metal chair or sorts that you loop your feet into to secure yourself to the ski. Sounds simple enough of course.
Now you must somehow keep the tip of the board well above the water line when the boat takes off. Not an easy task to say the least since the whole board and your life jacket is buoyant. If you do not you will end up doing what happened to me. The boat takes off, my ski temporarily dipped into a wave about by two inches and well I was on a one way trip to the bottom of the damn lake at an incredible speed. Same principle that keeps you on top of the water makes you a great diving submarine.

Assuming you ever do get to where you are on top of the water and doing what you are set out to do, ski. For the love of all things sacred do not and I repeat do not crash. It is one thing to crash when you are doing this able bodied style, now try to imagine you are in a near fetal position and very attached to a board when you crash. I think it would be the same feeling one would get if you were in a kayak sitting side ways on the side of a steep hill and someone pulled you down the face of it.

No, I do my best not to do that. I can't hope and expect people to treat me "normal" and then turn around only to give them more reason to think I'm "stupid".

holy shit, if i was paralyzed like that with no hope for normal sex i'd off myself.
seriously, there would be no point in living.

i'm sorry about your situation.

I'm more sorry about yours.

If you feel life is devoid of enough meaning, experiences, joy, passion, and such great wonders that can more than transcend any possible sexual experience you must lead a very sad existence.

The way I take full advantage of my disability is to not be disabled by it.

I understand that you are trying to stay positive, but for most men the highlight of life is to fuck as many hot women as possible. Everything else - money, power, etc. - is just needed to support that goal.

I have no need to try to stay positive. One day you may understand.
I have had sex and I have fucked women. Sure it felt great and was fun, but in the scheme of things it is highly overrated. I suggest you do yourself a favor and talk to some old or dieing people and ask them what they enjoyed most about life. I assure you banging hot chicks will not be on that list.

Am I bad because I laughed at the water skiing story? ;) Great thread, guys!!

Nah in retrospect it was damn humorous after I eventually bobbed to the surface.

I was laughing my ass off and think he's either an idiot or he's just plain crazy for strapping himself to a chair on water. Sounds like a great way to drown!

I dont know what else is there in life.

Basically, life sucks. There is nothing good about it. Its an everyday struggle agains whatever shit life throws at you.

Any emotions you feel - even love - inevitably lead to suffering.



So tell me, what else is there to enjoy about life?

What's your address? I'll send you a package of razor blades and appropriate instructions, no charge.

Shh! I was in one of those I can do it modes that over rides all common sense. Plus there was this girl and well that is another story.

Did I mention that the same damn instructor tried to get me to try snow skiing as well. If americas funniest home videos was on the air at that time in my life I would of sworn this dude was trying to retire off of me. Or he had some bent up personal issues to rid the world of me. Not to sure.

If I have to tell you what there is to enjoy in life then im afraid you may already be dead and just do not know it yet.
You have so much yet see so little, I do feel bad for you.

yeah okay, keep lying to yourself about how great life is.
some day it will hit you. like a ton of bricks.

Translation: You cant put your finger on it.

No, you're right. Life sucks. Let's kill ourselves now. Should we do it together?

blast yourself

After Shock Media, ever rode a Ferrari wheelchair?

No, I just do not have the time nor inclination to make such a long post about what there is to life that is worth enjoying. I know fairly quickly when someone does not or will not grasp something and this is a prime example.

Do they even make one?

Cool thread

I think they made one for Pope couple years ago hehe


btw,i wanted to ask you something serious, I'll mail you tomorrow :)

I will look for the email.

LOL!

You just listed the very reason why most men die filled with regret. But keep on Fuckin'!

Did either of you guys ever ride in the wheelchair adapted limo they had in vegas? It had a pod like thing on the top and a ramp that came out the side where the door is. You just drove up the ramp and sat in there like you would in a van.

It was pretty cool but I think the company went out of business.

Nope can not say that I did. I always had to be tossed into the crazy mini van cabs. Makes wanting to venture out while there not to fun. Typically why I rent a mini van and just have it stay at the hotel. Only issue then of course is parking.

You and Tassy are some of the people I know from here that actually do get life and see what it is all about.

I felt this could use a bump after more than a year and so many new people.

priceless :1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh

Some questions that I have always pondered are answered in this thread, thanks for putting yourself out there ASM.

For all those webmasters who've taken the time to read through this thread, check my sig and make a difference.

I just read this entire thread for the second time and still found it just as interesting the second time around.