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Theres only one thing funnier than an Australian - Thats a New Zealander.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Big John

Talking of Aussies Rolf Harris has just appeared on my TV. I'm not sure whether you love or hate the guy over there but you gotta be honest - he could only be an Aussie! :)

/me whistles the Jake the Peg tune....

Australia deported him cause he kept tying the kangaroos down.

Quote:

Originally Posted by v4 media

Australia deported him cause he kept tying the kangaroos down.

Yes Beastiality Bondage is just not the done thing, sport.

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh

hahahhaaa funny stuff :thumbsup

I'd like to think some of us Yankees have a sense of humour! I'm a red blooded example! :):):)

I remember the first time I was told a joke by Prophet back in the day why driving on the right side of a car made more sense...

He said, "When you drive on the right side of the car, you are on the side of the car that the line is, so you can keep in your lane".

Sorry, that wasn't a joke, he was just stupid.

Anthony <<<hahahaha Pooftah since 1998

Quote:

Originally Posted by Anthony

Ha ha ha ah ah ah

Nice Ant !!

Knowing Simon also, it brings to mind another wonderful Australian saying...

No doubting he is a very smart guy, but sometimes he definitely was a "sandwich short of a picnic".

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh

Learn to spik Australian Have you ever wonder just what the heck they are talking about when it not sport, sport or, geez mate, more sport?

A passenger plane traveling to California is suddenly hit with a severe engine problem and plummets into the Pacific Ocean.

The impact is such that the plane is ripped apart leaving only one man alive. After hours of swimming he spies an island and drags himself up onto the sandy shores.

Though he is half drowned and aware that he is thousands of miles from home, he cannot but admire the beauty of the island he has found himself on.

Looking down the beach he sees a figure lying on the beach, another survivor from the crash. He runs over and sees that she is not breathing, so quickly he gives her the kiss of life. After several attempts she coughs into life. As she wipes the hair from her face he now can see who it is...its Kylie Minogue!

Forever grateful to him for saving her life, they strike up an immediate bond, and over the following weeks, while stranded on the island, they fall madly in love. One day Kylie is walking down the beach and notices her new

found love sitting on the rocks by the beach, staring out to sea, with a look of sorrow on his face. She wanders over to him, and asks what is wrong. "Kylie," he says, "The last few weeks have been the greatest of my life. We've found this island paradise. We have all the food and water we could require, and I have you, but still I can't help feeling there's something missing."

Kylie replies: "What my darling? What is it that you need? I'll do anything".
"Well there is one thing. Would you mind putting on my shirt?"
"OK"
"And my trousers?"
"OK"

At this point he gets up and grabs some charcoal from the ground, and draws a neat moustache on her lips. "OK... Can you start to walk around the island, and I'll set off the other way and meet you half way."

"OK dear, whatever will make you happy?"

So off they set. After an hour walking he eventually sees her heading towards him along the beach, at which point he breaks into a sprint, runs up to her, grabs her by the shoulders and shouts:

"Hey mate, you won't believe who I'm shagging'!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by OzMan

good stuff and quite believable! :thumbsup

Here's some more of the same sarcastic Aussie style of humor. It's an oldie but a goodie... QANTAS pilots fill out a problem sheet for flight mechanics to look at...here are the problems(P) as noted by the pilots and the proposed solutions(S) offered by the flight mechanics. :)

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That?s what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you?re right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last??????

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh

holy shit - almost choked on my gum whilst reading that! Nice post - keep em coming, I love this stuff :thumbsup

Quote:

Originally Posted by bvds

Now running down the pub to tell your mates....

Something TRULY Australian.

:thumbsup :thumbsup :thumbsup