That will happen if you never move. We moved all the time when I was a kid. The longest I ever went to one school was the 4 years of high school, and there were only a couple people there I could handle.

I am not sure why bausch has an issue with going to adult events. If she owned a flower shop she would most likely have to get involved with other flower shop owners to become successful, I am not sure why she thinks this is any different.

Do martial arts - keeps you in shape, allows you to kill easily ;), and great way to make friends.

This is true. I can't count the number of times I wish I had someone around to kill for me.

I was an IBM brat and went to 7 schools from the time I was in Kindergarten until I graduated. Then there was college. I still have VERY close friends from every where I've lived (and where I've worked). I moved to ATL my senior year of HS so I basically had 1 year to "fit in" and make friends. I still see those friends approximately once a month and talk or email 2-3 times a week.

I've also realized there are "deadweight friends" - those are ones that add nothing to your life. Get rid of those so you can spend more time with those whom you enjoy being with.

Sitting on a computer and asking just isn't the way you make friends - you HAVE TO GET OUT THERE, bausch :thumbsup

Bars a good start.

The girls at the nudie bar will pretend to be your friend... :1orglaugh:1orglaugh:1orglaugh

Then how did you manage to keep in touch with kids you went to kindergarten with?


I will agree that sitting on GFY asking how to meet people offline probably isn't the best method.

bausch is a chick, and I suspect one that has never been in a strip club.

Phone (IBM also had WATS which we'd go in after work and use :winkwink:) but moreso, writing letters. You know, that thing folks did before the interweb? That's probably a girl thing. I can't remember a birthday or Christmas I didn't receive stationery, sealing wax, pens, etc.

I remember going to London as a Senior in HS and hanging out with my best friend from 2nd grade for a few days - we'd kept in touch (her father was the goalie for the short lived soccer team here in ATL in the 60's).

What was even cooler was when I moved back to ATL (where I had gone to 3 schools - kindergarten, elementary and 3 months in a private school before my Dad got transferred), then went to college in S. GA, I ran into kids I had gone to ATL schools with years earlier. :)

Understand my mother STILL talks/writes with friends SHE went to elementary school with - and she's moved a whole lot more than me. Probably something genetic - and a chick thing :thumbsup

you have to have the state of mind and attitude that "i can and then do" vs. "i can't and don't."! just get out and start talking. if you went up to every woman on any street corner and ask to fuck her, you'd be slapped a lot, but you'd also get laid enough. the same is true with striking up a conversation and making friends!

She has issues with the cashier at the grocery store, I would not give her much hope with dealing with strangers.

I feel lucky to have a few very good friends from childhood/high school. I really do think it's hard for people who work at home to make new friends.

Great topic! It is a pain in the ass to make friends - especially when you are an adult webmaster working at home. I swear my neighbors think I'm a drug dealer. I try to make friends in the gym or through some other hobby, but even then you have to gauge what their reaction would be to your "job".

I am in a couple of sporting clubs, I have met a couple of friends there. I also take my bike for a ride into the mountains, nearly always meet up with someone who brings a friend.

Basically I just leave the house.

Join a church.

This post kind of strikes a chord with me. Years ago, lifestyle changes cost me a lot of what I thought at the time were friends. I never really re-captured much of a social life after that. I'm a single parent, which doesn't leave me much spare time. I live a very small rural town, which is more isolating. And ice that cake with me working in adult, and not wanting people to know becasue of my minor child.

Adds up to me wishing I had someone to do stuff with in the small amount of free time that I do have. I do have a life long best friend, but she is across the country.

I find just basic contact is also lacking, the only people I see (apart from my wife and kid) are usually taking my money in exchange for goods or services. I do have some old school friends but I don't get to see them much these days. :(

My little girl has brought home some pretty nasty bugs from child care and my immune system isn't always up to fighting them off. Probably another side effect of not working in an employed job for over 10 years.

in bars?

For me... conventions. And also just friends of current friends I have or I meet people doing other things I like to do like snowboarding etc.

As a female it's tough to make friends...

Like I said, I have my personal trainer... but really, I'm paying her to be my friend.. lol... But she also has the ability to introduce me to other people at the gym...

But as a woman in porn.. it's hard to say, "Hi, I'm (insert name)"... make friends.. then they ask you what you do for a living... and there's always that stutter.. Do I lie? or do I tell the truth?

I don't have children.. so I don't have some life ending consequence to someone finding out I work in Porn..

But I have met people who I say I own a phone sex business... or I promote webcam... and they totally avoid me at the gym from there on out..

Just smile alot... say Hi alot... wear interesting/gay T-shirts with funny sayings... sit by yourself in the cafe at the gym.... Try new hair dressers.. nail techs...

I only have 1 or 2 friends... my hubby is my BEST friend.... but I do make acquaintences easily.. it's all in your personality.. :)

Ooh question... Is it easy for non-porn-talent chicks to make friends at conventions?

Hubby and I have been questioning whether to go to one.. or whether to get a booth for the company or something.. for the last two years...

but we're like so vanilla lifestyle.. no drinking/no drugs/ we don't party... that I'm not sure how we'd fit in?


What's a good first time convention to go to?

Buy them ;)

Try the gym, meet up with ppl that like to keep in shape.

Phoenix Forum

just become a rapist, you don't need friends. live the life of the hunt

Your going to have to find away to get out the house, and meet people. I attend seminars at the business centre at city hall yea it's a bit award sometimes when people ask what do you do and I mumble porn star, but eventually they see past that because they kinda see your there just make a new connection and maybe a friend.

then there is joining the Y and attending some excercise class, some places have a parks and recration book that might help.

I know for me it's kinda side sometimes when i look back high school and elementary school i never had friends i got use to it being a loner, never thought I would hide behind a computer to make a living, school is helping a bit but since its the adult day school program i am pretty much stuck to myself a few people i talk to in my class but not much where I get myself attached I still have a pressing need to run home and work since it's my safe spot.

but if you want to make friends your going to go out side the conform zone attending some social club, or a gym, or walking around the park and just saying hi to people.

For crying out loud, you non-talent ladies, maybe you don't have to tell someone you just met at the gym or in your little small town that you work in the porn biz within a minute of meeting them or at all for that matter?

Make up a plausible story like you work in online marketing on the computer and think through the details of your answer in advance so you don't sound like you are hiding something if they press for specifics.

In my case, as a single male porn director living here in South Florida, I tell people that I don't really know well like my neighbors that I am a cameraman and assistant director who works in reality tv production. That explains my loose schedule, and also the fact that they might see me loading my car with camera equipment. If they ask what tv show, I say that I am doing a pilot for one of the Spanish channels following around some teenage girl named Esmerelda here in Miami who is trying to become Britney Spears. They'll never get to see it and if they were to ask I just say the show never got picked up and I am on to some other project.

I've lived in 5 cities and in each one I noticed I pick up about 2 to 3 good friends and lots of associates. I don't think it's possible to reasonably do much more than that in a place that's not your home city. But, for me at least, once I make a friend that becomes a friend for life.

My question for Bausch is since you are in your home city, the OC, why is this an issue for you? Where has all of your friends you cultivated in the last 20+ years gone?

Contrary to popular belief, not everyone in the industry, infact, a huge chunk of the industry aren't off their tits at every available chance.

I don't drink [to excess, at least], do drugs and am boring at parties, but every convention I go to, I love. It's just like a normal slice of society. There are the people that are up for the 9AM breakfast each day, and the people that are crawling in at 9AM each day. It's like a big disjointed family.

Don't worry about a booth, don't worry about the 'female content' issue. There are many, many intelligent women who work in the industry [both content and not] - in billing, sales, marketing, support, ceos, etc.
I've never seen a show descend into a meat market. Pick a good show and a good time, just come along and say hi.

I think the best thing about the shows, esp for the closed shows [ie, florida etc] - is that you can go and chat to anyone - and you'll walk away with a new business contact, or at least someone who understands the industry.

Chance of that happening in the 'real world' - very slim :)

I have a theory on this.

very good thread
since you seem to be pretty shy, the best thing for you would be to start participating in some local forum about some hobby or whatever you are at least a little bit interested in. At some point they will organise a forum meeting. You just need to go and let it flow. There will be quite few people so its not like you must talk.... If there is someone who suits you, it will prolly just happen from itself

another thing, since you are a chick, find a boyfriend and start going out with his company, there should be some other girls too. Once you find few, it will start to flow naturally, because around them you will meet other people, and so on and so on.....

How to find a boyfriend? Well it will be awkard to go to a night club alone, but a bar is perfectly fine. Just dress sexy go for a drink and wait for someone to start hitting on you........dont play hard, remember you are desperate :)

great post jim:thumbsup

That is a pretty stupid suggestion. She just got out of a lousy relationship which I would suggest is the primary cause of her being so neurotic.

The last thing she needs is another relationship. She needs to discover herself . . . if that even exists any more.

Did bausch used to post as phogirl?

Yup. I liked the name Phogirl better.

I don't get bausch. I guess she wears contacts or something.

and rants and something else as I recall

:Oh crap

I also had a hard time not to long after high school. I moved away and well shit was just never the same until I opened up a hobby shop. Found a few good friends that way. Now of course not everyone can just open a hobby shop but one can indeed find a hobby and then well a group that is into that hobby. Besides hobbies are good for you.

I honestly can never really believe anyone who says they do not have any hobbies at all. Well there maybe some out there who do nothing at all but come on surely your not that rare of an individual.

Also do not totally snub or think online centers are even remotely creepy. Sure I would not immediately give someone I met online my life story and the keys to my house but honestly they are the same sort of people you may meet at random. I really do think the chances are about the same of meeting a wacko online as you may at the gym or anywhere else.

Yep and you can make a lot of sales through your sites that way to.

I met and married Anisha, now I can have her friends. It is actually quite difficult to make new friends working from home...:upsidedow

:( :(


You know, I realized recently I'm losing touch with all my old "normal" friends, and pretty much anyone significant in my life right now I met either online, or at a convention, or through GFY even. And I have a pretty awesome life, so I don't think that's a bad thing.

I have very few people that I'd be comfortable calling friends. Most people use the term friend far too lightly.

I use to wonder the same thing. I've got atleast a dozen friends I can pretty much always call and hang out with. I usually hang with friends 2-3 days a week. But yet I still always felt anti social, and lonely working by myself all day. I go to the gym, it only really helps if you end up talkign to people there, otherwise if your just running alone on a treadmill, it wont do shit. I play basketball, so pickup games always help.

But anyways, to finally solve my problem I thought about what I love to do (Party)... so I just finished a Bartending course, and have a job lined up at a local restaurant/sports lounge. I don't really need the money as I make enough in porn, but extra coin always help, will get me outta the house 2-4 nights a week, and you get to make lots of new friends and talk to people all day.

you're right, that is totally silly... you'd want to use at the very least ecstasy, best case is some rohypnol... altho, when she passed out in the lunchroom, not sure you'd get much use out of her unless you pretended to be her boyfriend and say you're taking her home hahahaa

i kill myself sometimes

ive had a period of time in my teens without friends because i used to be slacking at maintaining contact, i was so lazy i didnt care or do anything for it, and once i saw i didnt have noone i hung with anymore only THEN i realised it. I think that period took about a year and it was pretty damn depressing now that i think back. Then i hooked up with someone from school to go out to a club, his friends also became my friends, and going out with them you meet others etc., thats how you build friends, via via and the ball will roll and youll get more friends.

One of my brothers did this actually. He met a woman, married her, and now they're moving into their new home. Seemed to work out ok.

i make friends from outside of the biz through playing bball on a a nearby park.

I wasn't joking.

100 new friends