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Chuck Norris created the 50th post
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Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
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They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
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There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
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Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
Chuck Norris? hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush. Chuck Norris doesn?t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door. Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV. Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship. |
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There is no such thing as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.
Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it. |
Chuck Norris's cowboy boots are made of real cowboys
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Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.
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When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
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CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
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Chuck Norris doesn?t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
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A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
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Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
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Faster than a speeding bullet ... more powerful than a locomotive ... able to leap tall buildings in a single bound... yes, these are some of Chuck Norris's warm-up exercises.
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If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.
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In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.
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Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle. |
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
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Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.
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Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.
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Ooh this is a keeper...
Chuck Norris does not hunt, because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing. |
When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
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If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's fucking beef.
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There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.
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A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.
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Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris hit a horse with an uppercut.
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Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)
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If you play Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven" backwards, you will hear Chuck Norris banging your sister.
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Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
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Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.
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In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.
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Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
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Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.
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Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb.
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Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.:1orglaugh
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The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.
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It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
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The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off.
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There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.
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Jack bauer could kick his ass :)
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Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer
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Chuck Norris once had an erection while lying face down. He struck oil.
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Chuck Norris doesn't stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bedframes, and sidewalks.
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Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks don't really kill people. They wipe out their entire existence from the space-time continuum.
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Hellen Keller's favorite color is Chuck Norris.
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Pee Wee Herman got arrested for masturbating in public. That same day, Chuck Norris got an award for masturbating in public.
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There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.
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