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Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
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Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.
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In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.
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Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
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Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.
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Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb.
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Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.:1orglaugh
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The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.
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It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
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The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off.
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There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.
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Jack bauer could kick his ass :)
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Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer
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Chuck Norris once had an erection while lying face down. He struck oil.
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Chuck Norris doesn't stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bedframes, and sidewalks.
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Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks don't really kill people. They wipe out their entire existence from the space-time continuum.
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Hellen Keller's favorite color is Chuck Norris.
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Pee Wee Herman got arrested for masturbating in public. That same day, Chuck Norris got an award for masturbating in public.
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There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.
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Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of “beard”. Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus’ obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
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Chuck Norris doesn't sleep with Men because he's gay... He's just ran out of women
There are no animals on the endangered species list... There are only animals Chuck allows to live |
Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night
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According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.
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Chuck Norris once pulled out a single hair from his beard and skewered three men through the heart with it.
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If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.
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MacGyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can roundhouse-kick his head through a wall and take it.
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Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.
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OMG hahahah some really funny ones!
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Do you know why Baskin Robbins only has 31 flavors? Because Chuck Norris doesn't like Fudge Ripple.
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Chuck Norris was what Willis was talkin' about.
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It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Chuck Norris a giant meteor.
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Chuck Norris shot the sheriff, but he round house kicked the deputy.
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Chuck Norris can judge a book by its cover.
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Chuck Norris does not own a house. He walks into random houses and people move.
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Chuck Norris is the only person to ever win a staring contest against Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder at the same time.
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Chuck Norris does not eat. Food understands that the only safe haven from Chuck Norris' fists is inside his own body.
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Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
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