better off dead ???

Fuck you, pay me! (Henry Hill / Ray Liotta - Gooldfellas)

"As good as it gets"

Secretary: How do you write women so well?
Melvin Udall: I think of a man, and I take away reason and accountability.

(Simon the fag hitting rock bottom, sitting in a wheelchair)
Melvin Udall: You're a disgrace to depression.
Simon Bishop: Rot in hell, Melvin!
Melvin Udall: No need to stop being a lady. Quit worryin! You'll be back on your knees in no time!

"No point mentioning these bats. I thought. The poor bastard will see them soon enough." - Johnny Depp, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

Wow, all of these are my favorites as well.

Music and Lyrics:

Alex fletcher: i used to rhyme 'you and me' with autopsy!

Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man

Grim Reaper: I believe Colonel Mustard did it in the study with the candlestick.
Dead Bill: Sorry, death, you lose! It was Professor Plum!
Grim Reaper: I said Plum!
Dead Ted: No way! You said Mustard! Can we go back now?
Grim Reaper: Uh, best three out of five!
Dead Ted: I don't believe this guy!

"I'm no good, you're no good... we deserve each other"

at 1:01



and this one

"You hate people!"

"But I love gatherings"

pretty much sums me up

"you got any balls down there"

"about the biggest pair you've ever seen dingleberry"

From Commando;

Matrix: Remember, Sully, when I promised to kill you last?
Sully: That's right, Matrix. You did.
Matrix: I lied.

From QUILLS - The Marquis de Sade: Why should I love God? He strung up his only son like a side of veal. I shudder to think what he'd do to me.

How sexy am I now fucker - Natural Born Killers

Probably one of the best scenes ever in a movie:

Henry Hill: You're a pistol, you're really funny. You're really funny.

Tommy DeVito: What do you mean I'm funny?
Henry Hill: It's funny, you know. It's a good story, it's funny, you're a funny guy.
[laughs]
Tommy DeVito: what do you mean, you mean the way I talk? What?

Henry Hill: It's just, you know. You're just funny, it's... funny, the way you tell the story and everything.

Tommy DeVito: [it becomes quiet] Funny how? What's funny about it?
Anthony Stabile: Tommy no, You got it all wrong.

Tommy DeVito: Oh, oh, Anthony. He's a big boy, he knows what he said. What did ya say? Funny how?
Henry Hill: Jus...

Tommy DeVito: What?

Henry Hill: Just... ya know... you're funny.

Tommy DeVito: You mean, let me understand this cause, ya know maybe it's me, I'm a little fucked up maybe, but I'm funny how, I mean funny like I'm a clown, I amuse you? I make you laugh, I'm here to fuckin' amuse you? What do you mean funny, funny how? How am I funny?

Henry Hill: Just... you know, how you tell the story, what?

Tommy DeVito: No, no, I don't know, you said it. How do I know? You said I'm funny. How the fuck am I funny, what the fuck is so funny about me? Tell me, tell me what's funny!
Henry Hill: [long pause] Get the fuck out of here, Tommy!

Tommy DeVito: [everyone laughs] Ya motherfucker! I almost had him, I almost had him. Ya stuttering prick ya. Frankie, was he shaking? I wonder about you sometimes, Henry. You may fold under questioning.

"Try not to suck any cock on you way to the parking lot"


"Hey YOU get back here!"

There's so many quotable lines in this scene from Freeway, but the very last one is a fucking gem.



and this one from the same movie, is loaded with great lines delivered by Reese Witherspoon. "You wanna get shot a whole buncha times?!!"

the best ever. Deserves a vid post.. "bing! Pow!"




I'll see you a "how am I funny?" and raise you a "go get your fuckin shinebox!"

"It is amazing what you can do when you dont have to look at yourself in the mirror anymore"


Kevin Bacon in THE HOLLOW MAN

"You stupid fucking cunt. You, Williamson, I'm talking to you, shithead. You just cost me $6,000. Six thousand dollars, and one Cadillac. That's right. What are you going to do about it? What are you going to do about it, asshole? You're fucking shit. Where did you learn your trade, you stupid fucking cunt, you idiot? Who ever told you that you could work with men? Oh, I'm gonna have your job, shithead."

Al Pacino in "Glengarry Glen Ross"

more recent
"I've lost a shoe... have you seen it anywhere? Excuse me, missus, I've lost a shoe... like this one. It's like this one's fellow... it's sort of the exact opposite in fact of that - not an evil version but just, you know, a shoe like this... but for the other foot. Otherwise I'd have two right... "

Russell Brand in "Forgetting Sarah Marshall?

<----------------Agreed!


Although that scene has about 10 more that could qualify

yup

you could basically post the whole screenplay in this thread...

"I'd buy that for a dollar!"

"Every day above ground is a good day" - Scarface

"It's what folks know about themselves inside that makes 'em afraid"

- Clint Eastwood, High Plains Drifter


and of course...



What were they like anyway? They looked pretty good, are they real?
Are they built for speed or for comfort? What'd you do with them?
Motorboat? You play the motorboat? Pppppbb, ppppppbbb.
You motorboatin' son of a bitch! You old sailor you!

I love the smell of napalm in the morning. It smells like... victory. (Col. Killgore (Robert Duvall) in Apocalypse Now).

"stupid, worthless, no good, god damn freeloading son of a bitch, big mouth, know it all, retard jerk. but dad, youu forgot asshole, lazy and disrespectfull.....shut up bitch, go fetch me a turkey pot pie.... but what about you dad....fuck you.... no dad, what about you... fuck you.... NO DAD WHAT ABOUT YOU ..... FUCK YOU!"

"FLUX CAPACITOR, FLUXING"

"no we are not homosexual, but we are willing to learn"

"if im here and you're here, wouldnt that make it our time?"


"i knew it, im surrounded by assholes"

"what the hell is a matter with you private pile, did mommy and daddy not raise you right"

i have a list. shall i go on?

"I don't hate people, I just feel better when they're not around" - Nicholas Cage in...?

and...

"Who am I? I'm the guy who's doing his job, you must be the other guy?" - Mark Walberg, depahtdid

see you when i see you - Ocean 13

"America, Fuck Yeah" from Team America

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedi...am_america.jpg

Carebears countdown! 5..4..3..2..1

From Good Will Hunting:

Will: "Why shouldn't I work for the N.S.A.? That's a tough one, but I'll take a shot. Say I'm working at N.S.A. Somebody puts a code on my desk, something nobody else can break. Maybe I take a shot at it and maybe I break it. And I'm real happy with myself, 'cause I did my job well. But maybe that code was the location of some rebel army in North Africa or the Middle East. Once they have that location, they bomb the village where the rebels were hiding and fifteen hundred people I never met, never had no problem with, get killed. Now the politicians are sayin', "Oh, send in the Marines to secure the area" 'cause they don't give a shit. It won't be their kid over there, gettin' shot. Just like it wasn't them when their number got called, 'cause they were pullin' a tour in the National Guard. It'll be some kid from Southie takin' shrapnel in the ass. And he comes back to find that the plant he used to work at got exported to the country he just got back from. And the guy who put the shrapnel in his ass got his old job, 'cause he'll work for fifteen cents a day and no bathroom breaks. Meanwhile, he realizes the only reason he was over there in the first place was so we could install a government that would sell us oil at a good price. And, of course, the oil companies used the skirmish over there to scare up domestic oil prices. A cute little ancillary benefit for them, but it ain't helping my buddy at two-fifty a gallon. And they're takin' their sweet time bringin' the oil back, of course, and maybe even took the liberty of hiring an alcoholic skipper who likes to drink martinis and fuckin' play slalom with the icebergs, and it ain't too long 'til he hits one, spills the oil and kills all the sea life in the North Atlantic. So now my buddy's out of work and he can't afford to drive, so he's got to walk to the fuckin' job interviews, which sucks 'cause the shrapnel in his ass is givin' him chronic hemorrhoids. And meanwhile he's starvin', 'cause every time he tries to get a bite to eat, the only blue plate special they're servin' is North Atlantic scrod with Quaker State. So what did I think? I'm holdin' out for somethin' better. I figure fuck it, while I'm at it why not just shoot my buddy, take his job, give it to his sworn enemy, hike up gas prices, bomb a village, club a baby seal, hit the hash pipe and join the National Guard? I could be elected president."

Stop looking at me swan!!

"If I were gay I could get laid on the subway"

just about anything from the big lebowski, or gangs of new york

clerks gets an honorable mention

37!?.....

I'm surprised with all the Scarface love, no one picked this one:

"In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women."

Not to say it's my favorite, but I think it deserves more credit than "Say hello to my little friend"

But that's just me :)

"Where are you taking us?"
"Mexico"
"Whats in Mexico?"
"Mexicans"

-- From Dusk till Dawn.

Michelle: "And this one time, at band camp, I stuck a flute in my pussy!"

Jim: [Choking on his beer.] Excuse me?

Michelle: "What, you don't think I know how to get myself off? Hell, that's what half of band camp is... sex-ed! So, are we gonna screw soon? 'Cause I'm getting kinda antsy!"

Priceless! :1orglaugh Even after all these years!

Well do ya' PUNK?



And this was about the best version of this one that I could find. This scene always cracks me up.



And for you drama buffs. This scene where Malkovich goes to fuck Glenn Close has got to be one of the most bad ass displays of the power of pussy ever.




You've had your whole FUCKING LIFE to think things over. What good's a few minutes more gonna do you now?

Wendy. Darling. Light of my life. I'm not going to hurt you. You didn't let me finish my sentence. I said, I'm not gonna hurt ya' I'm just going to bash your brains in. I'm going to bash them right THE FUCK IN!"



I guess Code Red's are a no-no

"where is the stoooone?"-Snatch-Benicio Del Toro

I saw that people were posting these stupid text videos. That shit's stupid. But the movie is hilarious.

Hmmm... that would be anything from "Life of Brian"...

I think the best funny quotes where not in a movie, but in Married with Children.


This is also quite funny :

https://youtube.com/watch?v=D0hpS...eature=related

https://youtube.com/watch?v=oedeK...eature=related