ayeee captain

i haven't read the whole thread so I apologize if i repeat someone else's advice... but here goes...

hire a guy named "fingers" (thats fingers not footsies) to pay a quick visit to the dude. You can't beat the girl but you can beat the girls guy... repeat three times and the problem is solved

they'll still manage to find someone else after that

It is a she, and I also think she means every word typed.

I try to be forgiving. Holding a grudge and being angry would hurt me more than the person I'm trying to "punish." Just my two cents and I do understand and agree that every person's situation is different.

I've made a mistake in the past and she forgave me so I would at least extend that courtesy to her. (Unless she's been fucking the guy for 2 years, of course :) )

Dont be an idiot people.

there is a huge difference between being forgiving and leaving and being forgiving and staying.

dont listen to half these idiots who are married and most likely have a wife who they met while they were young and both grew fat together.

you always leave a cheater there is never an excuse to cheat EVER, and although you think there is a chance it will go back to being the same it will NEVER. and even if you think it "has" it will always come haunt you again.

YOU LEAVE and then later forgive, you forgive the person because they are human and when you are ready to forgive someone that means you have fully moved on.

never stick around, never try to make it work again. notch it up as an expierience in your life and keep moving onto new and greater expieriences.

people have to start realizing alot of people these days come from seperated homes or grow up with the belief that relationships are not that "big" of a deal and thus to them cheating is OK. they may act sympathetic but that is due to hurting someone they "love" but when it boils down someone who cheats has a 100% different belief system from someone who does not.

there is no fine line in between if you are someone who has a firm belief system set in NO CHEATING then you need to move on because thinking you are going to change the person in the end you are only fooling yourself.

and this goes to no matter how much you "love" the person or how matter much they "love" you, it will and cant ever be the same and you need to man up or woman up and move on.

:2 cents::2 cents::2 cents::2 cents:

I'm not a she or a he. I'm a unicorn :)

and if you choose not to move on then i hope you rot and never find love again, there is so many quality and good people out there just looking to be with someone but to many other quality people are afraid of being lonely so they stick through bullshit. those kind of people i have no sympathy for. you will rot oneday just like the cheater.

When it comes to matters of the heart, some very polarized opinions.

Good discussion. :thumbsup

50 fucks forgiving.

there is no opinions either you are weak and afraid of being lonely or you are not.

Depends on her ass I think?

MetaMan is dead on the money, people can be so self destructive out of their own weakness :2 cents:

OMG No.
I would go so batshit crazy, psycho.. and make it the nastiest divorce ever in the history of divorces...

Respect is BIG with me..
He wants to be with someone else? Let's go to a strip club in another town... TOGETHER... and get a back room rub and tug or something...

No no no to cheating...
It'd be a forensic files episode.. seriously..

It would depend on how I felt about that person at the time. If at that moment, they meant everything, I could probably forgive, never forget. If the relationship was on rocky ground, I would be as hard as nails and never forgive, constantl reminding them of such!

What would be the point of constantly reminding them?
just so they could hate you more and cheat on you more... next time more stealthily?

Geez.

once a cheater always a cheater. trust is gone.

i always tell my bf's that if they want to be with me but also explore other women then lets do it together. that way there's no bs or sneaking around. problem solved.

if you love someone enough to make them happy in every way then sometimes you need to compromise and meet in the middle. an open mind and communication are the keys to a successful relationship.

I think I could forgive a smaller indescretion, like kissing. But sex, no way no how.

:thumbsup:thumbsup:thumbsup

I've never understood why so many people, especially younger women, stay with their cheating partner. I see it happening more and more these days and it baffles me. One of the reasons most often given is that they're too afraid to be alone and single.

Me, I've always had a zero tolerance for cheaters. As others have said, you leave and find a way to forgive them later on... but you LEAVE. No sense sticking around with someone you can no longer trust. If you stay and they fuck you over again it's no one's fault but your own.

<devil's advocacy>

Wow...

There are some truly puritanical views in this thread.

*looks up at url to make sure that this GFY and not one of the other mainstream boards I frequent*

Shouldn't a relationship or marriage be based on complete trust and openness? While everyone has their own views on swinging, sometimes the freedom to 'dip out' in a discretionary fashion can strengthen a relationship, not weaken it.

Most people in modern day society have not come to grips with what this human existence should truly be and tend to remain deeply possessive of others who they happen to be married to or sleeping with at the time. That is a basic human tendency.

On the other hand those who embrace the ability of their partner to be free sexually are indeed truly free and clearly show a higher level of comprehension and maturity regarding sexual behavior.

Adults with a healthy sexual libido and a strong sense of commitment should be able to express their fantasies to each other and, in a safe environment, be able to explore them.

Who is truly weaker? Someone who tightly sets (and guards) the sexual boundaries of their partner due to insecurity/jealously/misunderstanding/immaturity or someone who is secure enough to completely trust and allow their chosen partner to live their life free from judgments.

We are in the adult industry right? While everyone has the right to their own opinion, shouldn't we all aim to exemplify a higher understanding of sexual nature and tendencies?

Look at it this way, due to some of the opinions expressed thus far, many here could (in theory) be labeled hypocrites for promoting such a free sexual lifestyle. It's not as if every pornstar is single or unmarried...

</devil's advocacy>

Fucking whoa
**shudders**

As much as I despise cheaters I have to weigh the reason, the girl involved and the reasons why she's worth keeping around. Does she show true remorse? Did it mean anything to her? Ive been the cheater before so I can see where a chick can come from but BOTTOM LINE... if someone cheats it's for a reason.. either neglect, blatant disrespect or the relationship is over and nobody really knew it yet.. or chose not to face it.

I forgave a girl once. A girl forgave me once. Since going through both ends of the stick with two different women I have come to realize if I'm in a commited true relationship.. I won't do it. If I'm just dating a chick.. feelings or not.. really depends on situation.

All the swinger couples I've known all say that it's still cheating if their partner goes behind their back and fucks someone. Every one of them still has certain rules.

And the really interesting thing is that every couple I've ever known that did the open marriage or swinger lifestyle are all broken up, every one of them. Several of them due to crossing of lines or breaking of rules, all of it boils down to trust issues. Sorry, the picture perfect ideal permissive picture you're attempting to paint has major flaws.

And just because someone promotes adult, that doesn't automatically mean they must adopt a lifestyle that reflects what they promote. I promote about two dozen fairly kinky fetishes that I myself have zero interest in trying much less becoming.

But maybe there is some hypocrisy there, I don't know. But in this one instance I don't really care. I can promote all manner of lewdness and loose morals but in my private life I'm a one-woman kind of guy who prefers a woman I can trust. If one guy isn't enough for her she's free to get lost and find a guy who doesn't mind other guys pounding his woman.

By the way those open marriage/swinger people I mentioned I've known seem just as insecure as anyone, in some cases moreso. Several struck me as incredibly selfish as well. No thanks.

cheating is fucked up on many levels. It's deceit, it's a waste of time (when you were missing out on opportunities in order to remain faithful, they were not), and it puts people at undo risk (long term relationship and no condoms are being used...is the cheater still using protection?)

I would say no forgiveness. In that situation I think I would walk away for good, no matter how much I loved the culprit

Very interesting in regards to swingers...

I'm gonna go with forgive. Not only easy on them, but easier on yourself as well. You don't want to go insane trying to kill and/or revenge people.

In your circle, that is...

Perhaps they weren't swingers in the true sense of the word.

Point taken, but subconsciously there has to be some level of acceptance and awareness of the effects involving that which you promote.

Which is fine, but nonetheless is a very puritanical point of view.

As said previously, the persons of which you speak may have partaken in the swinger experience, but perhaps were not truly committed to each other.

There are many persons who attempt to live the lifestyle, but do so without comprehending exactly what it is they are participating in. Oftentimes one partner may simply go along for the ride out of obligation, or one of the parties comes to a realization that the connection they thought that they were a part of was not fully intact. Also bear in mind that relationships in these times can break down for any number of reasons, especially as a vast majority of persons walking this planet are not self-aware. They have a hard enough time coping with one partner, much less multiple ones.

So in truth I'm not painting a perfect permissive picture, because anyone who is worth their salt knows that any relationship with another person involves a completely different set of dimensions to process. It isn't easy, but when persons do find someone that they can share anything regarding their existence with, that is something to be cherished and respected. That is what many people deep down wish that they had but never get a chance to experience.

Woking things out with a cheater it's almost a suicidal task...

Some were, some weren't. Several still are.

I accept that other people have an interest in it, and I'm aware that I have no problem giving them what they want, within the letter of the law of course.

Since when is a simple monogamous relationship based on mutual trust considered puritanical? :upsidedow

Several were more than 10 years in together. Some of the partners or spouses are now out, while a few others stayed in that lifestyle.

Which supports my point exactly. Your insinuation that being open with one's relationship is the better or rather more enlightened and less hypocritical way to be, yet it's a way that can often be just as chock full of pitfalls, deceits and disappointments as for those who prefer monogamy.

In other words one way isn't better than the other. Thank you.

I would say generally most people just wish they could find someone they can trust as well as love. Aside from personal fantasies the open "swinger" way appeals to the vast minority only.

As they say...each to their own. :thumbsup

lol fat chance of most people actually being with someone who would agree to that. even when they do, jealousy will more than likely rear its ugly head.

metaman's post is top notch.
forgive and leave is the best option.

:2 cents: :)

My wife knows the minute I find out is the minute every single one of her posessions hits the street. No fucking shit. Why get married if you are going to cheat? She can get hooked on drugs, fuck a donkey, the minute that pussy opens up to another man-cock, SEE YA! I think my feelings on the subject were sung quite well by some English faggot back in the 70s:

I got home late this evening, stumbled up the stair
I couldn't believe my eyes when I looked in the bedroom there
My woman with a man was lyin' fast asleep
I felt a rage inside me, control I couldn't keep

She was a cheater

I reached the dressing table, kicked away the door
I gripped the cold black metal, a loaded .44
By this time they're awake and they don't know what to do
I scream you cheatin' bitch here's what I think of you

You are a cheater

They both pleaded for mercy, I said no way
When you do this upon me, you have no say
I treated you so real good, and this is what you do
Oh no I've finished with you, your time is through

You are a cheater

If you need a cheater there's nobody sweeter than this one

There's no neater, come on here and meet her

Cheater, cheater, cheater, come on and meet her...


Mutha Fuckin Judas Priest.

I forgive but never forget