Originally Posted by The Adult Broker
(Post 16674031)
It is with humility and courage that I write this open letter to the industry. I could not find the later until only recently.
I have been noticeably absent from business for a stretch of time and many perceptions and rumors are swirling. I wanted to put those to rest and the way to do that is to share the truth. Though business is not the environment to air the 'dirty laundry', I have given exception to that rule because it is the truth of my life and I am choosing to share it with you.
Those I worked daily with and closely with are aware of why. I felt it was time to acknowledge the industry at large as I know what I am dealing with has indirectly affected business and deals.
Hurting anyone's business in completely antithesis to whom and what The Adult Broker has always stood for all these years...Taking care of people in this industry and making them money. I hope how I have conducted myself and business for many years stands on its merits and that the words of others does not have the power to tarnish the truth of what I have stood for. Here is the truth of my life...
It is due to personal crisis in my own life, a true tsunami wipe out on every level this year, that I had to leave business abruptly. I have been dealing with a heartbreaking death of a beloved one, the loss of my home to foreclosure, the loss of a tremendous amount of money owed to me and never paid, the loss of the house we rented and had to rapidly vacate before we lost possessions, the loss of my health due to the weight of responsibilities I was carrying trying to take care of business while my own life and that of my daughter's was crumbling.
I am self supporting single mother to a nine year old who has no father, no family. I am her everything. And in my breaking down under the weight of devastation in my life and the weight of guilt of what my child has gone through with me this year, I had no strength left to conduct business. I have been in survival and fear mode.
I have only been able to focus one step at a time, one mountain at a time, one day at a time, one cleanup at a time. Today is the clean up to the industry and letting you all know that the wipe out of my life of 42 years has been the biggest test of all that I have ever had to face. This is the very short story to a very long year that I battled for survival on a daily basis and still tried to be the a mother, nurturer, teacher and strength for my child at the same time and care for her and all she needs on all levels of her growth and respect and esteem and security. To juggle that while I myself could not stand up what a test no words can describe.
I did not even have the courage to communicate with companies and deals outstanding and even some clients to admit that for the first time in my life, I was not strong enough to get through and face the loss of the life I had known. And face my child when I didn't know how I could go on or start again.
With the support of a few, the understanding of those that are aware, it has helped me face the truth of what has happened and has helped ease the heartbreak of losing the love and the light of my life of someone, of losing my home, my child's money, my health, who I was and facing the reality I wasn't superwoman anymore and couldn't hold on - so I broke down and let go. Truly had a break down on Thanksgiving- the day of thanks, the day of my birthday - both symbolic to the point I couldn't face the boxes and crates of a move around me and eating taco's at Del Taco for the occasions.
It was not the most professional thing to do, just to check out. But I believe now, as I look back, that by doing so, it saved my life. I broke and I surrendered. I lost faith and hope and crawled my way back to it for the last 12 months.
I have lost just about everything. The one thing I could not lose was the kernel of self-respect that helped me survive the drowning. And with that, and with this truth from my heart, I wanted to write this post to let you know that my actions I own, my lack of communication I own, the unprofessional way I had to leave, I acknowledge.
It is out of respect for the community and your businesses that I humble and give you the truth of my own personal world so that it may help in understanding what has been behind my out of character behavior and how my actions never intended to hurt your business if that even remotely happened. It pains me to even think that I did. It is not the person I am in business and out. I am a giver, to a fault.
I have valued each and every relationship. I have always stood in honesty, integrity and my goal was always to do the very best to help people move their business forward. Taking care of others I thought was the ultimate to helping take care of my family. It pains me to know that I may have affected others businesses with the devastation of my own life.
I hope you will accept this sincere apology if my life has affected yours and I will do all in my power to clean up anything undone, any outstanding business or any other owning of my actions that may have hurt you.
I still have an aftermath of clean up that will take awhile. But I am going one day at a time. I am pulled back from day to day business in order to clean up the past and soon move forward with starting at square one again now that I have surrendered and accepted the reality of losing my life on so many levels at one time.
At 42 years old, it is the most difficult challenge I have yet to face, but I believe what I have experienced that ultimately did not kill me, will bless me with more strength than ever before. And what I have learned, the wisdom I have gained...it has ultimately given me a peace I didn't know I was missing. In that sense of peace in my heart with my surrender and acceptance, I know with accepting and finally letting go of the struggle, it will let in maybe even better things that were waiting to come in. I stand in that faith now, for me and for my daughter whom has been a source of strength and wiping of tears for me this last year.
I hope for your understanding during this difficult time I have endured. If I have learned anything, I do see the one thing I refused to loss was my integrity and always being in truth. It is was the communication part that I lost while on the road to finding my way through.
But here I am, in communication, and in truth from my heart. Today was the day for me to face this particular mountain to the industry. It may be too long in coming, but I felt the industry deserved to know that The Adult Broker isn't just that deal maker. She is human and is fighting with every ounce she has left her way back from drowning in the tsunami that hit every level her life -- one that she would never wish on anyone.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. And I especially would like to thank Dan at Camz , Fred at Gammae, Aria, Julie and Chris and Theresa and Dean whom all work with me - as well as Jean Marie and Megan and the others who have reached out and held me up when I couldn't make it on my own.
I thank all TAB clients and broker clients who has been part of the TAB evolution and their patience through the evolution of my life.
And I would like to thank you for reading this-I know it is long, but so has my journey been.
It is written in courage and from the core of my heart. And it is written with the strength I am finding on the 'other side'. I am conscious of all that happened and it is the last chapter of my Book of Life as I knew it.
In the New Year, I begin a new Book of Life. I don't know what it is about yet, it is not written. But I do know it will have new found wisdom, knowledge, peace of heart and strength of hand at its core to help build perhaps the true Life I was meant to live that was waiting for me to make it to this point in my life. I hope you will be a part of that new life as it evolves and a part of everything good that I have Faith now is to come from all the bad.
Thank you and may all you wish for in this New Year of new beginnings come true for you and your family.
With appreciation and gratitude,
Lori Z.
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