| J. Falcon |
02-20-2008 07:03 PM |
This joke was also written by one of our writers. As you can see, only the highest quality:
(this is one of my favorite jokes of all time, told here in pure prose)
Quote:
Al Capone Joke
“Good!” Rick rubbed his hands together. “Hey Carl, tell them that joke you told me earlier today. Very funny stuff.”
Carl smiled and sipped his Martini. “It was pretty funny.”
“Yeah, Uncle Carl” said Mark. “Do it.”
Rick chuckled softly, pointed a finger at his partner. “It’s pretty goddamned good joke. Go on, tell it.”
“Fine,” Carl began. “But guys, let me start off by saying this is not your typical joke. It’s what I like to refer to as an educated man’s joke… whatever the hell that means. It’s more of a story, actually. Happened back in the 1920’s during the prohibition. You’ve seen The Untouchables, you know what I’m talking about. Well… back then Al Capone’s crew used to deposit a lot of money in one of the big banks in downtown Chicago. They were carefully monitored deposits, you know, a few briefcases full of cash, in and out of the bank, boom-boom.”
Four steaming plates were brought to the table. Carl took his time unfolding a pink napkin and placing it gently on his lap. “It just so happens that this particular bank was located directly across the street from a small park where a deaf and dumb violinist played for pennies. This poor man recognized the gangsters, he wasn’t stupid. The way they dressed, the way they acted…. He knew what they were about.”
The problem is one day something goes wrong with a deposit. As Capone’s boys are getting out the car with the briefcases, bang, they get jacked by a group of robbers sent on an ambush by one of his enemies. Shots are fired back and forth, some men die. The cops show up and they start shooting it out with the two gangs. One big disgusting mess. By the time Al Capone finally receives word of what happened, both briefcases were nowhere to be found.
Of course the mob knew about the deaf guy in the park. These wiseguys always know stuff like that. So they get a small group together, go back to the crime scene, snatch the old man from his lonely bench and take him to a dark room and begin the interrogation. As you can imagine, there was an interpreter present, and he translated all the questions into hand signals, or whatever they’re called. Well, the violinist says he doesn’t know anything about any briefcases and the mobsters beat the shit our of him. Excuse my language.”
He looked over at Veronika, offered her a smile. “So they beat me him up pretty bad, but where’s the money? Nobody knows. About three or four hours go by and Al Capone is really starting to lose his patience, so he decides to make a personal visit to where the deaf guy is being held hostage.
Capone finally enters the room, walks up to the chair and sees the deaf violinist, bleeding from his nose and trembling with fear. He pulls out his gun and points it at the old man’s head, then says to the interpreter:
“Tell this sonofabitch I’m gonna blow his fucking brains out right here and now if he doesn’t tell me exactly where my money is.”
The interpreter delivers the message with great precision and now the violinist becomes truly, truly scared. He begins to flashing hand signals frantically, explaining where the money was hidden. Supposedly the robbers had ran to the corner of the street and hid the briefcases in one of the empty garbage cans of an abandoned building. They were both inside the third garbage can from the right.”
Capone, still holding his gun to the man’s head, said: “So where the hell is my money?”
The interpreter, with a disappointed look on his face, turns to the most notorious crime boss in history and replies: “Sorry, Mr. Capone, the old man says he’s not scared of death, and that you should go fuck yourself!”
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