Originally Posted by polish_aristocrat (Post 15480630)

cliff notes?

Originally Posted by Juicy D. Links (Post 15480625)

:1orglaugh:1orglaugh




1.No matter how skinny we are, NEVER feel our back-fat whilst making love

2.Do NOT lean on our hair

3.Be careful with the nipples

4.Don?t ever feel our legs because there is a chance we haven?t shaved them and we will be VERY aware of that fact

5.Fanny farts are your fault, not ours

6.But it helps if you laugh afterwards because then we don?t feel so embarrassed

7.In the morning, do us a favour and leave the room for a couple of minutes because no matter how sexy we look naked or how much we need the toilet we will be very conscious about getting out of the bed in front of you

8.Don?t sweat so much!

9.Phrases such as ?you drive me nuts? and ?fuck fuck fuck? are banned

10.Do not rip our underwear off ? chances are we spent about 3 hours trying to decide which underwear to wear and we would really appreciate it if you noticed. Perhaps a ?that underwear looks really sexy? would be good

11.Our private areas are to be treated with respect, you are in no means allowed to treat it like it is your last meal

12.Some girls just dont like morning sex (but some do)....so if you are getting the signs that she is up for it then fair play, but it should be quite blatantly obvious when morning sex is not on the cards - so pack it in and go and put the kettle on

13.?.and please don?t attempt to try and do stupid positions like wrapping our legs around our head first thing in the morning cause we are still pretty stiff

14.The key is to kiss our neck, not eat our ears?.

15.?.and don?t kiss the same place for ages cause it get pretty boring

16.Feet are a no go area

17.What gives you the right to think you can go anywhere near our arse for the first 10 times we have sex??

18.?.but don?t be surprised if we go near yours (cause you know you love it)

19.Don?t push our heads down when you want head, cause the chances are we will get pissed off and probably spit your load in your mouth

20.When we are on top, just lie there and enjoy?..don?t start thrusting because then we lose the rhythm and feel like we are about as crap as a virgin (and any chances of us enjoying it have just gone out of the window)

21.Candles and music are good, lights on is a big no no

22. A girl should shudder a bit after she has come (if she doesn?t, you have failed and she will be annoyed)

23.Cupping the face makes us feel special

24.Find out if she has any injuries, then you can reduce the risk of hurting her?..

25.??but pain is sometimes good, just in a certain way

26.If the covers start to fall off the bed, pull them back over as we will be very conscious of the fact that we are in full view

27.Don?t try and take our bra off unless you know for sure you can do it?.this leads to a highly embarrassing pause

28.Don?t try and pick us up, no matter how small we are we are at least 8 stone?.and if it is less then check ID immediately

29.Know your own strengths, if you are crap at certain things then don?t even go there

30.Don?t say thank you afterwards because then we feel like prostitutes

31.No turning your back on us after sex

32.No morning kisses (we will probably be fully aware of bad breath particularly if we have been smoking/drinking/giving head)

33.Turn round temporarily so that we can wipe the mascara shit out of our eyes

34.Foreplay is essential ? if you go straight in for the kill you a re likely to lose major points (and be gentle)

35.Always make sure there are tissues on hand

36.If you try and make us come too early we will not be interested in what?s to follow, but if you do it too late we will think you are crap?.timing is important

37.Taking memento?s is not big, not clever, we will notice and you will not be asked back again

38.For fucks sake tidy your room beforehand

39.The fact we are shagging you on the first night does not make us a whore, it just means we feel like we have to have sex with you in order to keep you

40.Be vocal! How are we supposed to know if we are doing it right......

41.If a girl says she is about to come, you are doing it TOTALLY wrong and she wants it to all be over. We say this because we know you will come in about 10 seconds.... (the same goes for when we suggest doing it doggy style)

Originally Posted by qxm (Post 15480839)

I know who wrote all that shnizzle... hint.. cough cough...

http://i257.photobucket.com/albums/h...PeggyBundy.jpg

Originally Posted by $5 submissions (Post 15481122)

Add to that list: Never pull a guy's back hair during sex

Originally Posted by gornyhuy (Post 15481287)

Whatever annoying cunt wrote that doesn't deserve the cock.

Originally Posted by fallenmuffin (Post 15481433)

#16 is bullshit. Sex isn't happening if I can't involve feet to some degree. Plus most chicks love it, just don't want to admit it. So, here are my rules:

1. Feet ARE a go area
2. Same as 1

Originally Posted by AG_Downunder (Post 15481611)

That list is the one reason why guys pay to fuck... They can do what they want, and walk away.....

Originally Posted by Voodoo (Post 15481802)

7. Bite me again and I'll piss inside you.
8. Scratch my back again and I'll accidently donkey punch you.

Originally Posted by Voodoo (Post 15481802)

Fatal mistakes women make during sex:
1. Wash your vag before having sex please. We don't want to get a surprise "WTF" when we go down there, and potentially gag and embarass you.
2. You will get naked first.
3. We don't care if you are on the rag. Stop making a big deal about it. It's a little gross, but we used to play with dirt, bugs & boogers. No biggy.
4. If you were sweating all day, don't be surprised if we don't do alot of things we normally do.
5. If you are on top, move up and down, don't just grind at the base to tickle your G-Spot... We will go soft after a while and turn our back on you and fall asleep. We may even ask for our money back.
6. Snuggling for more than 5 minutes afterward is okay as long as you don't mind that we sleep while you talk.
7. Bite me again and I'll piss inside you.
8. Scratch my back again and I'll accidently donkey punch you.
9. No... We don't like it when you lick our nipples. They are there for decoration ONLY.
10. I will shit on your finger if it gets anywhere near my asshole.

Originally Posted by Barefootsies (Post 15481480)

:thumbsup:thumbsup:thumbsup