Happy Birthday to the Wizard aka XXX Jay - GoFuckYourself.com

Porno Dan · 09-11-2013, 11:04 PM

Somehow, someway XXX Jay defies the odds and turns another year older today.

Yes, the main who has survived tuberculous, a brain hemorrhage, and countless other injures and aliments was fittingly born on 9/11.

So have a cold one today for XXX Jay, proof positive that only the good die young!

2012 · 09-11-2013, 11:07 PM

AsianDivaGirlsWebDude · 09-11-2013, 11:22 PM

Happy Birthday XXX Jay...

Jay's 9/11 Story (as only he could tell it):

Quote:

My 9/11
Posted on September 10, 2006 by XXX Jay

I was born 9/11/1971, so September 11th 2001 was my thirtieth birthday. Thirty is somewhat of a milestone, and I can remember being a wee lad of eighteen thinking to myself ?Man, if I?m ever thirty, the world is going to be a fucked up place.?
Sure enough, it was.

On September 10th, around 6 PM, I was out for a nice ride my on my mountain bike in the late summer afternoon. At the time, I was in the midst of breaking up with a girlfriend I had at the time. She seemed to be a nice enough girl ? I was just bored.

Fellas, if I can ever give you one piece of practical advice in these columns, let it be this: When you are done with a girl, just be done with her. There is no such thing as ?letting her down easy? or ?it?s not you; it?s me? bullshit ? just break things off like the stone cold pimp you are.

Women are like parking spaces, as soon as you pull out, someone else is trying to pull in ? whether you want to believe it or not, you are not the last dick on earth. Stringing girls along only causes them to go psycho.

Anyhoo, I was in the midst of ignoring the above advice while my actions with a particularly loony bitch with a speed habit were making my life a living hell. In the previous weeks this girl had overdosed on xanax, gotten in a hit-and-run, and tried to stab herself in my apartment one time, but, luckily I suppose, the resulting scuffle found us both pinned under a flipped upside-down refrigerator and a stone gargoyle knocked her unconscious.

I?ve put up with some loony bitches in the past, but this one took the cake.

That day my cell phone just kept ringing over and over, some fifty-something times. It just so happened that I was biking close to her house. In the past, I?d had luck calming her down if I just talked to her face-to-face, and, at least, it would keep my fucking phone from ringing. So I answered the call and told her I would come over for a minute.

I go inside and tell her everything is going to be alright? blah, blah, blah, yawn, yawn, yawn, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit? and it seems to work. She starts calming down, so I inform her that I had to go because I was meeting some friends to go out for the night.

At this, she becomes unglued, starts screaming, and throwing plates at me. I?m like, ?fuck this shit? and I get on my bike and start to ride away. It?s about 9 PM and the sun is just going down. I ride up the street a short distance and I can sense headlights coming up from behind me. I turn my head around and don?t even have time to react?

THE BITCH RAN ME OVER WITH HER CAR!

Rather than winding up under the car, fortunately, when the car hit me it knocked the bike out from underneath me. I crashed off the windshield (spider webbing it in the process), and wound up on the ground behind the car. So what does the bitch do next?

SHE SLAMS IT IN REVERSE AND TRIES TO BACK OVER ME!

I manage to just barely roll out of the way of certain death as she threw it in reverse. Rather than face peril in the streets, I run into the backyard of one of the houses on the street and start high-tailing it from backyard to backyard.

I was several miles from my house and the midnight hour was drawing near. Here I was at the predawn of my thirties ? bleeding, mangled, and hiding in random people?s backyards while almost getting eaten by guard dogs, when I realized that my thirties would not be much different from my twenties.

So I arrive back at my apartment shortly after midnight. I was just going to bandage the scrapes, clean up, go out, get drunk, and find some pussy. Fuck that psycho bitch! I open the door, go to the top of the stairs, and what do I see? The same loony bitch that just tried to turn me into a street pancake is sitting in front of my door coloring in a coloring book! Now how fucked up is that?

I grab my keys, try to go in my place without even saying a word, and lock her out. As soon as the door is cracked, she slips through and pulls out a pocketknife. Not knowing if the knife was intended for me or her, I immediately try and wrestle it from her hand. While pulling it away, the knife slices deep into the skin between my first finger and my thumb, and now my thumb is dangling from a piece of skin and this loony bitch is still in my apartment.

So, of course, things are not just going to end there. As soon as that shit happens Ms. Bates runs to the back of my apartment to my room, lays there in my bed, and refuses to leave.

?Ok, this has gone way too fucking far ? I?ll call the cops to end this shit. I used to feel sorry for you but I don?t anymore.?

Knowing that I?m on probation, she retorts with, ?Go ahead. Call the cops. Before they come, I will beat myself up and tell them that you did it.?

That fucking cunt?

So I spend the next five hours suppressing the urge to go on a domestic violence rampage the likes of which would make Ike Turner proud, trying to reason with this psychopath and get her the fuck out of my room.

Finally, after hours of tense negotiations, I convince here to leave around 5 AM. She gets in her car and starts driving it around the parking lot like she was at a demolition derby. Not wanting to attract any more attention from my neighbors than I already had, I take her keys from her and offer to drive her home.

We get to her house where almost twelve hours before this ordeal had begun.

?Baby, you are going to stay here with me tonight, right??

?Yeah, sure but first I gotta pee.? So I go in the bathroom, open the window, crawl out and hightail it to my friend Mike?s place. Its now 6 AM of 9/11, the sun is just coming up, I?m knocking at his door, and he answers.

?Dude, you gotta let me crash on your couch for a couple hours, I?ve had a really fucked up night.?

?Yeah, sure man.?

So, I lay down exhausted and I?m asleep for less than three hours when I hear?

?HOLY FUCKIN? SHIT DUDE ? THEY JUST FLEW A PLANE INTO THE TWIN TOWERS!!?

I open my eyes and can see on TV ? the attacks had begun. Like a lot of people, 9/11 was one of the most fucked up days of my life ? I had been run over, stabbed, held hostage in my own home, and our country was now changed forever. Maybe I was right when I was 18 ? I was now thirty and the world was definitely a fucked up place.

That was my 9/11.

THAT was a XXX Jay classic!!!

ADG

maximiweb · 09-11-2013, 11:41 PM

Happy Birthday

Imortyl Pussycat · 09-11-2013, 11:50 PM

Happy Birthday Doll, no repeats of the dirty 30 bday mkay?

Chosen · 09-11-2013, 11:51 PM

Happy Birthday

looky_lou · 09-12-2013, 01:04 AM

Happy Birthday. Hope it is safe a sane.

fitzmulti · 09-12-2013, 01:15 AM

Birthy Hapday!

JFK · 09-12-2013, 03:51 AM

All the best Jay

Jel · 09-12-2013, 06:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Porno Dan

So have a cold one today for XXX Jay, proof positive that only the good die young!

LOL

Happy Birthday Jay

Spunky · 09-12-2013, 06:57 AM

Happy Birthday

L-Pink · 09-12-2013, 07:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Imortyl Pussycat

Happy Birthday Doll, no repeats of the dirty 30 bday mkay?

Yea, Happy Birthday Doll

Phoenix · 09-12-2013, 07:03 AM

He wont be here for a few days...lol
but happy birthday anyway man

alex.missyouth · 09-12-2013, 08:34 AM

Happy Birthday Jay!

whOaKemosabe · 09-12-2013, 01:23 PM

hopefully parties to his death tonight hes on my gfy death list

_Richard_ · 09-12-2013, 01:29 PM

happy belated!

RyuLion · 09-12-2013, 02:32 PM

Happy Bday!!!!!!!!

C H R I S · 09-12-2013, 02:35 PM

Happy Birthday Jay! Hope you had a great one.

Jman · 09-12-2013, 02:43 PM

Happy BDay WN4L

TROLLENSTEIN · 09-12-2013, 03:23 PM

Happy Birthday Jay, hope you had a great one

WetandPuffy · 09-13-2013, 01:17 AM

Happy Birthday

Major (Tom) · 09-13-2013, 07:32 AM

Happy bday god buddy!
Duke

Lykos · 09-13-2013, 08:03 AM

Happy Bday, all the best

Just_Dave · 09-13-2013, 09:30 AM

Happy Birthday XXX Jay

Porno Dan · 09-15-2013, 10:20 AM

You can tell Jay had yet another one of his death defying party binges since he was off line for days and never commented on this post

Nothing will stop XXX Jay - The Undisputed King of Consumption of Toxins!

09-11-2013, 11:04 PM	#1
Porno Dan Court Jester Industry Role: Join Date: May 2003 Location: Budapest Posts: 6,342	Happy Birthday to the Wizard aka XXX Jay Somehow, someway XXX Jay defies the odds and turns another year older today. Yes, the main who has survived tuberculous, a brain hemorrhage, and countless other injures and aliments was fittingly born on 9/11. So have a cold one today for XXX Jay, proof positive that only the good die young! __________________ Reality TV Star, AVN Hall of Fame, Five-Time XBIZ Winner 2021 XBIZ Europe Winner Best Director Site Promote the sites where members get paid to get laid by their favorite porn stars

09-11-2013, 11:07 PM	#2
2012 So Fucking What Industry Role: Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 17,189	__________________ best host: Webair \| best sponsor: Kink \| best coder: 688218966 \| Go Fuck Yourself

09-11-2013, 11:41 PM	#4
maximiweb Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Apr 2013 Posts: 833	Happy Birthday __________________

09-11-2013, 11:50 PM	#5
Imortyl Pussycat Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Cali Posts: 5,449	Happy Birthday Doll, no repeats of the dirty 30 bday mkay? __________________ Julie Larson julie {at} juicyads.com skype: imortylpussycat Buy & Sell Ads on The Most Sexy Advertising Network on the Planet available ad spots \| sign up now

09-12-2013, 01:04 AM	#7
looky_lou Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Seattle, WA Posts: 1,771	Happy Birthday. Hope it is safe a sane. __________________ PUSSY - PUSSY - PUSSY! Wet & Puffy - Wet & Pissy - We Like To Suck Puffy Cash

09-11-2013, 11:51 PM	#6
Chosen VIPPay.com \| AdultWebSponsors.com Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2001 Posts: 63,151	Happy Birthday

09-12-2013, 01:15 AM	#8
fitzmulti I Like Depth Of Field! Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Las Vegas, NV, USA: 36.12318 N, 115.090219 W Posts: 14,861	Birthy Hapday! __________________ www.SexyGirlsCash.com CONTACT // FITZMULTI AT GMAIL.COM // {Please include a message so I know you are from GFY! I get too many spam "add requests"!}

09-12-2013, 03:51 AM	#9
JFK FUBAR the ORIGINATOR Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: FUBARLAND Posts: 67,382	All the best Jay __________________ FUBAR Webmasters - The FUBAR Times - FUBAR Webmasters Mobile - FUBARTV.XXX For promo opps contact jfk at fubarwebmasters dot com

09-12-2013, 06:57 AM	#11
Spunky I need a beer Industry Role: Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: ♠ Toiletville ♠ Posts: 133,919	Happy Birthday __________________ *Skype : Spunky GFY*

09-12-2013, 07:03 AM	#13
Phoenix BACON BACON BACON Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Poems everybody, the laddie fancies himself a poet Posts: 35,457	He wont be here for a few days...lol but happy birthday anyway man __________________ Skype Phoenixskype1 Telegram PhoenixBrad https://quantads.io

09-12-2013, 08:34 AM	#14
alex.missyouth Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Sep 2012 Posts: 1,870	Happy Birthday Jay! __________________ skype: descargasweb

09-12-2013, 01:23 PM	#15
whOaKemosabe So Fucking Stoned... Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2013 Posts: 1,968	hopefully parties to his death tonight hes on my gfy death list

09-12-2013, 01:29 PM	#16
_Richard_ Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Vancouver Posts: 30,986	happy belated!

09-12-2013, 02:32 PM	#17
RyuLion ClubDomCash.com Industry Role: Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: San Diego Posts: 32,176	Happy Bday!!!!!!!! __________________ Adult Biz Consultant A tech head since 1995

09-12-2013, 02:35 PM	#18
C H R I S Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Marina Del Rey Posts: 10,845	Happy Birthday Jay! Hope you had a great one. __________________ C H R I S Retired Porn Veteran BH4L

09-12-2013, 02:43 PM	#19
Jman Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Canuckstikan Posts: 22,665	Happy BDay WN4L __________________ Wowify AI API Porn.AI Affiliates Porn AI email: [email protected] Teams: jean.francois.laverdiere TG: @jman1216

09-12-2013, 03:23 PM	#20
TROLLENSTEIN Server Monkey Industry Role: Join Date: May 2013 Location: Europe. Posts: 164	Happy Birthday Jay, hope you had a great one

09-13-2013, 01:17 AM	#21
WetandPuffy Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: UK Posts: 551	Happy Birthday __________________ Wayne. Our Sites: Puffynetwork.com - Wetandpuffy.com - Wetandpissy.com - Weliketosuck.com Skype: wetandpuffy E-mail: wayne@wetandpuffy,com Icq: 449385285 Puffynetwork.com - "Porn the way it should be"

09-13-2013, 07:32 AM	#22
Major (Tom) Anti Communist Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Null Posts: 29,768	Happy bday god buddy! Duke __________________ My mother said, to get things done You'd better not mess with Major Tom

09-13-2013, 08:03 AM	#23
Lykos Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: World Posts: 31,017	Happy Bday, all the best __________________

09-13-2013, 09:30 AM	#24
Just_Dave Its almost time Industry Role: Join Date: Dec 2002 Posts: 13,009	Happy Birthday XXX Jay

09-15-2013, 10:20 AM	#25
Porno Dan Court Jester Industry Role: Join Date: May 2003 Location: Budapest Posts: 6,342	You can tell Jay had yet another one of his death defying party binges since he was off line for days and never commented on this post Nothing will stop XXX Jay - The Undisputed King of Consumption of Toxins! __________________ Reality TV Star, AVN Hall of Fame, Five-Time XBIZ Winner 2021 XBIZ Europe Winner Best Director Site Promote the sites where members get paid to get laid by their favorite porn stars