The Definitive Analysis of ?The Handshake? Between Donald Trump and Justin Trudeau - GoFuckYourself.com

2MuchMark · 02-14-2017, 09:48 AM

Amazing!! Read this

The Definitive Analysis of ‘The Handshake’ Between Donald Trump and Justin Trudeau

Quote:

This was no regular handshake. This was the first shot in a bloodless war.
Donald Trump stands ominously at the door of the White House, flanked by some roided out Marines. He extends his hand as Justin Trudeau opens the car door.

Imagine the scene as you open that door. Outside your car is Donald fucking Trump and he wants to shake your hand.

Of course you know this is no ordinary handshake. The Trump handshake is the opening salvo of a silent, bloodless war. It is free-form arm wrestling. It is an attempt to demonstrate The Donald's hyperpotence over and against all the effeminate detritus of the world's elite politicians. All these soft men from soft countries with their soft hands and their soft feelings and their soft policies on radical Islam.

Donald Trump is a real man. He's a hard man with hard bodied women and a hardnosed drive for success. The Donald crushes the hands of lesser men in his extremely powerful and definitely not-small mitts. He pulls them into his orbit like a magnificent star, pulling their arm out of their sockets, breathing an ancient silent message down their necks: I am the boss. I am your boss. You will bend to me as all men must bend to me, one of the giants whose blood alone turns the wheel of history to crush lesser creatures beneath us.

This is a handshake buried under the weight of its own meaninglessness, a black hole of metacommentary in a world where sense sloshes chaotically across a flat surface of signifiers unmoored from any attachment to truth or reason or even an orderly presentation of images. Donald Trump's handshake is a signed statement on the failure of language here at the end of the world.

Justin Trudeau is prepared for this. He has spent hours of watching videos of foreign dignitaries having their knucks busted by Diamond Donnie. He and a crack team of advisors have been studying them and analyzing every move. He has been overclocking it at the gym to get his forearms swole. Anytime he is off camera he is clenching and unclenching a gripmaster. He is endlessly clenching and unclenching his anus to build focus. Shaking hands with Donald Trump is really a contest of wills and Justin Trudeau will not fail. He is an aristocrat and he was bred by his father in all the fine arts of modern statecraft like clasping claws with thugs. Donald Trump is a trumped up peasant and Justin Trudeau is the heir and defender of the North American dream. This was the only thing discussed in that motorcade to the White House. Forget softwood lumber and dairy supply management and the attempt to leverage Ivanka for a roundtable on women in the workplace that sounds like a summit they would have held back in the silent era of film.

The whole trip was all handshake game plan. Every possible move, every possible contingency, from proper foot stance to recognizing Trump's sloppy attempts at any one of 32 possible Masonic hand ciphers.

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The car door opens. This is it. It's go time. Trudeau steps out of the car and glides into Trump's outstretched hand. He quickly braces himself on the president's shoulder, establishing an indomitable centre of gravity. He is going fucking Super Saiyan on this handshake. But Trump will not be deterred. He ratchets up the pressure and tries to pull this punk kid in. There is a tug of war. Trudeau is not moving. His hand is too strong. Their forearms are jerking around with electrical power and neither of them were ready for this to happen.

He can barely believe it himself and he has to look down at his own hands to make sure that this is really happening that, yes, he is not broken. He raises his head again to meet Trump's gaze with blazing eyes that scream SIC SEMPER TYRANNIS but also AINSI TOUJOURS AUX TYRANS because bilingualism. Utterly destroyed but wanting to be cool about it, Trump gestures at the cameras before leading Justin into his den of lies. He cannot hide the look of absolute mystification on his face.

Inside the Oval Office, Trudeau basks in his own self-satisfied glow. Trump, hunched and scowling, flits his eyes across the room. He refuses to be cucked by this Disney prince in his own goddamned house. "I think they might want a handshake," he leers at Trudeau. This will be the one for the sizzle reel. He's going to break this French Fuck's hand.

Trudeau is ready. He's high on the heady hormonal cocktail of adrenaline and endorphins that only comes when you absolutely slay your #brand in the full glare of an international media spectacle. This is the most powerful he has ever felt in his life. It takes all of his power not to scream and rip his shirt off and fuck something. But he clenches his anus and comes back to reality. Focus. Focus.

"Sure," he fires back and goes in for the kill. The grasp is firm. There are a few more tugs but neither man yields. Trump can't believe it and goes back to grimly slumping forward. Trudeau puts on another shit-eating grin.

In telepathic union, both men sigh. Christ, what an asshole. This is going to be a long day.

MediaGuy · 02-14-2017, 10:12 AM

I was dying, barely able to stay on my chair...

Quote:

This is the most powerful he has ever felt in his life. It takes all of his power not to scream and rip his shirt off and fuck something.

oh lordy still laughing

:D

Bladewire · 02-14-2017, 10:31 AM

That was a great read!

Look close up at the handshake, Trudeaus fingers are turning purple & Trumps index finger is caressing Trudeaus wrist!

Major (Tom) · 02-14-2017, 10:55 AM

Well, i have to admit there is now proof of him grabbing a pussy

Phoenix · 02-14-2017, 10:59 AM

Someones fantasy at work here

Pete · 02-14-2017, 11:10 AM

That's the funniest fuckin thing I have ever heard. I was at the edge of my seat the whole read!

JFK · 02-14-2017, 11:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DukeSkywalker

Well, i have to admit there is now proof of him grabbing a pussy

bronco67 · 02-14-2017, 07:13 PM

We've a shaken hands with that guy. The one who thinks he's exerting dominance and masculinity over you by bear trapping your hand and holding on for an uncomfortably long time. Guys who do that are uncomfortable with themselves. My wife's uncle had done that to me every since I've known him and I finally told him "OK Joe, you can let go now....I get it." His handshakes take 2 seconds now, as opposed to 20.

mineistaken · 02-14-2017, 07:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Phoenix

Someones fantasy at work here

Libby fantasy land

By the way there is some youtube channel names trump truth watch or something, they made a redacted clip of how traitor trudeau "refused to shake trump's hand"

And then they cry about fake news, moronic double standard mongers.

Major (Tom) · 02-14-2017, 07:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bronco67

We've a shaken hands with that guy. The one who thinks he's exerting dominance and masculinity over you by bear trapping your hand and holding on for an uncomfortably long time. Guys who do that are uncomfortable with themselves. My wife's uncle had done that to me every since I've known him and I finally told him "OK Joe, you can let go now....I get it." His handshakes take 2 seconds now, as opposed to 20.

I always give a good grip but not 20 seconds. Kind of like when a chick lets you feel the weight of her tits from the underboob without touching the nipple. 2 seconds max

bronco67 · 02-14-2017, 08:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DukeSkywalker

I always give a good grip but not 20 seconds. Kind of like when a chick lets you feel the weight of her tits from the underboob without touching the nipple. 2 seconds max

There's nothing wrong with a strong, firm grip. But some guys are obviously trying too hard and it's "not a good look".... as they say.

Bladewire · 02-14-2017, 08:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mineistaken

Libby fantasy land

By the way there is some youtube channel names trump truth watch or something, they made a redacted clip of how traitor trudeau "refused to shake trump's hand"

And then they cry about fake news, moronic double standard mongers.

How's your life in Slovakia today Canadian & American hater?

Major (Tom) · 02-14-2017, 08:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bronco67

There's nothing wrong with a strong, firm grip. But some guys are obviously trying too hard and it's "not a good look".... as they say.

I agree completely

blast_foxy · 02-14-2017, 08:12 PM

Normally i would be laughing.. but i hate this man...

SilentKnight · 02-14-2017, 09:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DukeSkywalker

Well, i have to admit there is now proof of him grabbing a pussy

Nailed it!

bronco67 · 02-15-2017, 07:26 AM

Some of you guys are confused...Trump is the pussy.

He's the one who overcompensates for everything. He says one of his buildings is 10 stories taller than it actually is. He tries to rip other men's arms off while shaking hands. He's scared of walking down stairs. He gets into twitter wars with girls.

He's the most effeminate president we've had yet, so that makes him the first woman president.

Is this what you Trump lovers think a man is? That fat lump of garbage who brags and boasts and does everything to telegraph the fact that he's a child trying desperately to portray himself as a man? I feel sorry for you.

PR_Glen · 02-15-2017, 08:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DukeSkywalker

Well, i have to admit there is now proof of him grabbing a pussy

yeah, and trump is the poster boy for masculinity.

VikingMan · 02-15-2017, 10:05 PM

Why any person would want to touch the filthy hand of another person as a way of greeting them is beyond my understanding. Handshaking has to be the dumbest ritual ever and I refuse to do it. Instead I bow to people from several feet away and it seems to go over fairly well.

VikingMan · 02-15-2017, 10:08 PM

I have to admit JT did a fine job with his handshakes. I give him a 9.9 he neutralized Trump and he did not even get a guiding hand on the back from Trump when they walked in the door. Trump made the Japanese guy his bitch but JT was not having it.

02-14-2017, 10:55 AM	#4
Major (Tom) Anti Communist Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Null Posts: 29,768	Well, i have to admit there is now proof of him grabbing a pussy __________________ My mother said, to get things done You'd better not mess with Major Tom

02-14-2017, 10:59 AM	#5
Phoenix BACON BACON BACON Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Poems everybody, the laddie fancies himself a poet Posts: 35,457	Someones fantasy at work here __________________ Skype Phoenixskype1 Telegram PhoenixBrad https://quantads.io

02-14-2017, 11:10 AM	#6
Pete Confirmed User Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Mr. Rogers Neighborhood Posts: 6,617	That's the funniest fuckin thing I have ever heard. I was at the edge of my seat the whole read! __________________ Evoke Electronics

02-14-2017, 07:13 PM	#8
bronco67 Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 29,035	We've a shaken hands with that guy. The one who thinks he's exerting dominance and masculinity over you by bear trapping your hand and holding on for an uncomfortably long time. Guys who do that are uncomfortable with themselves. My wife's uncle had done that to me every since I've known him and I finally told him "OK Joe, you can let go now....I get it." His handshakes take 2 seconds now, as opposed to 20. __________________

02-15-2017, 07:26 AM	#16
bronco67 Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 29,035	Some of you guys are confused...Trump is the pussy. He's the one who overcompensates for everything. He says one of his buildings is 10 stories taller than it actually is. He tries to rip other men's arms off while shaking hands. He's scared of walking down stairs. He gets into twitter wars with girls. He's the most effeminate president we've had yet, so that makes him the first woman president. Is this what you Trump lovers think a man is? That fat lump of garbage who brags and boasts and does everything to telegraph the fact that he's a child trying desperately to portray himself as a man? I feel sorry for you. __________________

02-14-2017, 10:31 AM	#3
Bladewire StraightBro Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Monarch Beach, CA USA Posts: 56,232	That was a great read! Look close up at the handshake, Trudeaus fingers are turning purple & Trumps index finger is caressing Trudeaus wrist!

02-14-2017, 08:12 PM	#14
blast_foxy Registered User Industry Role: Join Date: Dec 2014 Posts: 31	Normally i would be laughing.. but i hate this man...

02-15-2017, 10:05 PM	#18
VikingMan Exploiting human weakness Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: next to a salmon stream Posts: 6,473	Why any person would want to touch the filthy hand of another person as a way of greeting them is beyond my understanding. Handshaking has to be the dumbest ritual ever and I refuse to do it. Instead I bow to people from several feet away and it seems to go over fairly well.

02-15-2017, 10:08 PM	#19
VikingMan Exploiting human weakness Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: next to a salmon stream Posts: 6,473	I have to admit JT did a fine job with his handshakes. I give him a 9.9 he neutralized Trump and he did not even get a guiding hand on the back from Trump when they walked in the door. Trump made the Japanese guy his bitch but JT was not having it.