News HELP! The elderly lady next door thinks she caught me Masterbating... Now she wont talk to me! - GoFuckYourself.com

CurrentlySober · 07-03-2018, 03:45 AM

OK, so I woke up late this morning and it was 10 mins to 10. I have a Fitbit on, and its set to count 250 steps an hour from 9am onwards. Realising I had to cheat to not spoil my records, I started shaking my hand back and forth at waist level, to notch up steps on the Fitbit...

As I was doing this, I pulled back the curtain to see my elderly female neighbour outside hanging out her washing. She must have seen my hand going back and forth, and put 2 and 2 together to make 5 !

She shouted something like 'You Filthy Pervert' at me, and stormed off back into her house. I waited for a while, and had a cup of tea and I finished dressing etc, then I went round and knocked to try and explain.

Basically she said (From the other side of a locked door) that she knew what I was doing, she wasn't born yesterday and that she has never heard of a 'fitbit', and even if a 'fitbit' does exist, then it shouldn't be used for me to do that at her out the window. I had to leave because she said she was going to call the police!

What can I do to resolve the misunderstanding?

Bladewire · 07-03-2018, 03:50 AM

Call your local paper and ask for their help in getting the message to her. You can also contact "Dear Abby" and see if they'll do a piece on it. Or you can slip a video if you actually masturbating into her mailbox and explain how the hand motions are completely different?

brassmonkey · 07-03-2018, 03:56 AM

did you go over and tell her your last skittle was stuck to your nutt sack?

Bladewire · 07-03-2018, 04:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by brassmonkey

did you go over and tell her your last skittle was stuck to your nutt sack?

bronco67 · 07-03-2018, 05:35 AM

Don't give so much of a fuck about it.

There's your help.

2MuchMark · 07-03-2018, 05:53 AM

HairyChick · 07-03-2018, 06:11 AM

Tell her it's normal. It relieves stress. IF you were masturbating, you're in your own house behind curtains. She needs to focus on her bloomers and other laundry and stop being so nosey. Show her your FitBit and if she has doubts, call her a pervert for watching you wank!

redwhiteandblue · 07-03-2018, 06:22 AM

Might as well be hung for a sheep as for a lamb - go over to her window, look in and have a good old wank right there.

CaptainHowdy · 07-03-2018, 06:47 AM

Masturbation isn't a crime . . .

directfiesta · 07-03-2018, 09:17 AM

... and you give a shit ???

crockett · 07-03-2018, 10:16 AM

JFK · 07-03-2018, 10:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by redwhiteandblue

Might as well be hung for a sheep as for a lamb - go over to her window, look in and have a good old wank right there.

Sage advice !

Busty2 · 07-03-2018, 12:08 PM

Take a crap on her door step, what have you got to lose ?

CaptainHowdy · 07-03-2018, 12:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by directfiesta

... and you give a shit ???

I believe that giving/taking shits is the man's main business . . .

RyuLion · 07-03-2018, 01:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PamWinterReturns

Tell her it's normal. It relieves stress. IF you were masturbating, you're in your own house behind curtains. She needs to focus on her bloomers and other laundry and stop being so nosey. Show her your FitBit and if she has doubts, call her a pervert for watching you wank!

/Thread

Cyber Fucker · 07-03-2018, 07:22 PM

She must be just an old frustrated woman, no cock for a long time. You made a mistake going to her with explanations, but don't worry, life goes on. All lonely men do it and women do it too. She might forget all about it very soon anyway.

mikeet · 07-03-2018, 07:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CurrentlySober

had a cup of tea and I finished dressing etc,

What can I do to resolve the misunderstanding?

You could start with getting dressed first before using fitbit?

07-03-2018, 03:45 AM	#1
CurrentlySober Too lazy to wipe my ass Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: A Public Bathroom Posts: 38,527	HELP! The elderly lady next door thinks she caught me Masterbating... Now she wont talk to me! OK, so I woke up late this morning and it was 10 mins to 10. I have a Fitbit on, and its set to count 250 steps an hour from 9am onwards. Realising I had to cheat to not spoil my records, I started shaking my hand back and forth at waist level, to notch up steps on the Fitbit... As I was doing this, I pulled back the curtain to see my elderly female neighbour outside hanging out her washing. She must have seen my hand going back and forth, and put 2 and 2 together to make 5 ! She shouted something like 'You Filthy Pervert' at me, and stormed off back into her house. I waited for a while, and had a cup of tea and I finished dressing etc, then I went round and knocked to try and explain. Basically she said (From the other side of a locked door) that she knew what I was doing, she wasn't born yesterday and that she has never heard of a 'fitbit', and even if a 'fitbit' does exist, then it shouldn't be used for me to do that at her out the window. I had to leave because she said she was going to call the police! What can I do to resolve the misunderstanding? __________________ My AI Handywork... My Dream Gal... XXX 👁️ 👍️ 💩

07-03-2018, 03:56 AM	#3
brassmonkey Pay It Forward Industry Role: Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Yo Mama House Posts: 76,985	did you go over and tell her your last skittle was stuck to your nutt sack? __________________ TRUMP 2025 KEKAW!!! - The Laken Riley Act Is Law! DACA ENDED - SUPPORT AZ HCR 2060 52R - email: brassballz-at-techie.com

07-03-2018, 05:35 AM	#5
bronco67 Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 29,032	Don't give so much of a fuck about it. There's your help. __________________

07-03-2018, 05:53 AM	#6
2MuchMark Videochat Solutions Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Canada Posts: 48,607	__________________ Custom Software \| Server Management \| Integration and Technology Solutions https://www.2much.net

07-03-2018, 06:11 AM	#7
HairyChick Slowly dying Industry Role: Join Date: Sep 2012 Location: Padanaram Posts: 3,091	Tell her it's normal. It relieves stress. IF you were masturbating, you're in your own house behind curtains. She needs to focus on her bloomers and other laundry and stop being so nosey. Show her your FitBit and if she has doubts, call her a pervert for watching you wank! __________________ ***************************************** Anti-Semites have Small Penis Syndrome. The only known treatment is electroshock therapy combined with cerebellum removal. Fortunately, it’s a tiny procedure. *****************************************

07-03-2018, 03:50 AM	#2
Bladewire StraightBro Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Monarch Beach, CA USA Posts: 56,229	Call your local paper and ask for their help in getting the message to her. You can also contact "Dear Abby" and see if they'll do a piece on it. Or you can slip a video if you actually masturbating into her mailbox and explain how the hand motions are completely different?

07-03-2018, 06:22 AM	#8
redwhiteandblue Bollocks Industry Role: Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Bollocks Posts: 2,792	Might as well be hung for a sheep as for a lamb - go over to her window, look in and have a good old wank right there. __________________ Interserver unmanaged AMD Ryzen servers from $73.00

07-03-2018, 06:47 AM	#9
CaptainHowdy Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Happy in the dark. Posts: 93,070	Masturbation isn't a crime . . . __________________ FLASH SALE INSANITY! deal with a 100% Trusted Seller Buy Traffic Spots on a High-Quality Network 1 Year or Lifetime — That’s Right, Until the Internet Explodes!

07-03-2018, 09:17 AM	#10
directfiesta Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Punta Cana, DR Posts: 29,586	... and you give a shit ???

07-03-2018, 10:16 AM	#11
crockett in a van by the river Industry Role: Join Date: May 2003 Posts: 76,806	__________________ In November, you can vote for America's next president or its first dictator.

07-03-2018, 12:08 PM	#13
Busty2 Member since 1999 Industry Role: Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Off the Amalfi coast Posts: 7,202	Take a crap on her door step, what have you got to lose ?

07-03-2018, 07:22 PM	#16
Cyber Fucker Hmm Industry Role: Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: On an endless road around the world for rock and roll. Posts: 12,642	She must be just an old frustrated woman, no cock for a long time. You made a mistake going to her with explanations, but don't worry, life goes on. All lonely men do it and women do it too. She might forget all about it very soon anyway. __________________